How do you all prioritize sleep especially for night owls/insomniacs?

[bandarbo]

This seems to be the #1 advice we all give (along with a ton of protein), but the one that's the absolute hardest for me. TLDR: please share your stories of how you get to bed earlier, esp. for night owls and insomniacs! (naturally early to bed folks probably won't help me much lol)

I've been an insomniac my entire life (shitty childhood, and now chronic illness and sleep apnea). I'm playing the waiting game with insurance for a CPAP, so until then, my sleep quality isn't great either.

I've literally done everything under the sun -- CBT-I (worse 4 weeks of sleep in my life), every sleeping pill you can try (currently 1/4 ambien midway through the night when I can't get back to sleep), CBD/CBN/THC (legal in my state, gives me graphically violent nightmares and worsens apnea), sleep hygiene (no phones in bedroom, no naps not b/c I don't, but because my body just refuses to nap), blackout shades...

The biggest holdup is that I simply go to bed too late. I'm literally one of those people who are EXHAUSTED all day and evening, then as soon as the house quiets down and it gets past 11:30 I've got my second wind.

These are the main blocks:

1) Psychological -- insomniacs can relate: I'm afraid if I go to bed too early I'm going to end up lying in bed staring into the dark, then I'll have to get up and either take a sleeping pill or eat and do the whole wind down all over again. My bed also isn't a "safe haven" as they say in sleep psychology -- I don't particularly like my room or where my bed is within it, but hey, maybe when I become a millionaire I can change that

2) Internet -- I don't keep my phone in my room when I sleep...however, I don't sleep immediately lol. I'll be at the kitchen table looking up the dumbest shit (literally surfing Goodreads b/c I don't do social media) and then be like "oh crap it's 2 a.m. again". In the past I've tried setting alarms telling me to get off the internet, and I just turn them off and go on making poor life choices. I have Screentime on my phone, which I bypass using my login code. I have my phone on airplane mode, which I turn off. I've asked my roommate if we can turn off the internet at night and that's a no go for many reasons lol. Ladies, it's bad.

3) Long-ass wind down -- It takes me 2-3 hours to wind down, including final meal, stretching to relax while listening to audiobook (I can't read books anymore due to vision disability), then final snack if I stay up too late after the final meal (I can't sleep on an empty stomach). My roommate and I will watch our TV shows until 11 or midnight (due to late work or roommate watching sports, we don't start our shows until 10 pm many nights), so the wind down starts super late. This is my only socialization so I bend to roommie's late schedule, which I probably shouldn't.

I'm a light sleeper so I can't sleep in, I'll wake as soon as I hear someone open the refrigerator door in the morning.

HOW DO YOU ALL GET TO BED AT A DECENT TIME so you can work out the next day???

Edit: thank you everyone for your myriad suggestions! Just discussing this really helped get the ball going on better habits and you all inspired me with your ideas!

 

[tokono]

@bandarbo So I don't have insomnia, but my boyfriend does, or at least, had it. But not as long as you. He got a new job at his current employer a couple years ago and it stressed him out so much, and mostly the thoughts of "I still have so much more to do and I need to prove that I can do this" kept him awake.
His bad sleeping caused by stress might have something to do with a very rare disease he has called TSC, but the doctors don't know the disease well enough to really conclude that the extreme response to stress is relate to it.
He is now on temporary leave and his psychologist has given him the assignment that he has to go to bed at 11pm. Not earlier, not later. He HAS to get up at 7:30. Doesn't matter if he slept, doesn't matter if he's still asleep. He has to open the curtains and get up. He is not allowed to nap at any point during the day.
It has generally worked for him, because the problem was his hormonal system was so out of wack that the second he went to bed he was awake. He was tired two minutes before he got to bed, but the second he laid down he was wide awake.
The main stressor is now temporarily gone, given that it was his work, and that has to return. I don't know how he'll handle that once he'll slowly get back into work, but I hope he sticks to the schedule. So far, he hasn't laid awake as much as he ever did.

I have no idea whether or not this is in any way helpful for you, but maybe it can offer something.

 

[bandarbo]

@tokono Thank you so much for sharing!!

I had an acupuncturist who gave me the same assignment and it worked REALLY well. The best sleep I had in my life was the 8 months I was housesitting for my friend in a fantastic little house that was quiet and safe, and I naturally slept from 12:30-7:30am. It was insane.

Unfortunately my roommate is a night owl, so the house doesn't quiet down until late, but I'll see if roomie is willing to shift.

 

[mj_1969]

@bandarbo As someone who had insomnia for the longest time, the thing that "cured" me was switching jobs. I used to work crazy mixed hours, sometimes with less than 4 hours between shifts, and it really fucked up my sleep schedule. As soon as I started working a normal day job, it kind of corrected itself. Now I go to bed at 9:30pm every night and wake up at 4am.

A few things that did help me throughout those sleepless years were: exclusively using my bedroom for sleeping, relying on sunlight throughout the day and evening, and switching out my bedroom lights with red bulbs.

 

[bandarbo]

@mj_1969 Thanks for this! oh dang 9:30 sleep; that sounds like the dream.

I remember the days of 10-6 -- they were hard! lol

My WFH is flexible make-my-own hours, so there's definitely a lack of structure there. How do you not go on your phone at night?

 

[mj_1969]

@bandarbo Honestly I charge my phone in the bathroom, so I don't really have the option of being on my phone at night. I do that because I had a few incidents of turning my morning alarm off in my sleep instead of snoozing lol.

 

[bandarbo]

@mj_1969 That's kind of amazing

 

[ananymous]

@bandarbo I have insomnia. The only time I was able to “beat” it for a couple months was when my diet was extremely strict. But that’s not realistic long term. I’m currently trying magnesium when I go to bed and trying to stop doom scroll a few hours prior. I’m personally going to go see a nutritionist soon ( one who focuses working with women) to see what is up.

I don’t set an alarm. I work night shift. Setting alarms stress me out and it contributes to my inability to sleep. If I fall asleep then i fall asleep. And if I don’t that’s a bummer. I try to avoid things that’ll stress my brain out and get the thoughts train moving when I realize I’m not settling in

 

[bandarbo]

@ananymous SAME. Setting an alarm is a guarantee I will stay up all night stressed out. Not having anything to do the next day means I'm usually up earlier than usual ready to go lol.

 

[sky32]

@bandarbo CBT I for only 4 weeks? Did you do this with professional guidance and all the patient education stuff? IMHO It’s worth pushing through the whole programme. Brutal, but I got my life back after suffering since childhood.

 

[bandarbo]

@sky32 Interesting.

I was using a workbook.

How did you find therapists you trust? I have had mostly traumatic experiences with psychology professionals, so that's out of the question for me for the time being.

 

[sky32]

@bandarbo With the programme I did it was rather impersonal I'd say compared to proper therapy. I had assignments that I had to do independently and then write a message to the team about the results and my questions. They'd write back with encouragement and guidance about my process, and then they would give me the next assignment and repeat for a few months until I reached the end. I only met someone in person during intake. It was part of a university study as well so everything was very well controlled.

 

[bandarbo]

@sky32 oooh I'm jealous! That sounds ideal

 

[sky32]

@bandarbo Have you looked into this? https://stellarsleep.com sounds kinda similar to what I did but more mass market.

 

[bandarbo]

@sky32 oooh, unfortunately it says those with OSA shouldn't use this, so maybe after I finally get that damn CPAP

 

[icmontreal]

@bandarbo I have insomnia and the only thing to really help was to wake up early. So if you go to bed at 2am, expect to have the alarm to go off at 5am. Once you spend an entire day with 3 hours of sleep you will be begging for bedtime. Just set that alarm clock no matter what and get out of bed and workout and your body will adjust eventually. Do a phone shutdown at 7pm.

 

[bandarbo]

@icmontreal I'm behind this 100%...in theory LOL. You would THINK that only 3 hours of sleep would have me begging for bedtime, but too many times I still stay up late, catching a second wind no matter what. I seriously think my body is trying to kill me!

In all seriousness, I'm not sure when I can set aside a week or a few weeks to try this experiment...I would have to not work for that time (I have to be ON for my job), and not schedule any medical appointments either...

 

[icmontreal]

@bandarbo You have to take into account that you actually have to work out when you wake up, not just lounge around in bed. Lol. And even if you got a second wind that day, physically you couldn’t keep it up for days. Your body would start to crash if you went that long with work outs and a few hours of sleep a night.

 

[bandarbo]

@icmontreal You're absolutely right about the crash part! I did something like this when I moved to a different time zone for graduate school. Slept 2-5 hours for a few months until I got sick and started coughing blood and had to take a leave. My body just wouldn't adjust.