I genuinely love my body for the first time in my 35 years of life. But it’s not for the reasons I thought I would

byways4life

New member
Hey yall, I just wanted to share something positive that’s been a side effect of my fitness journey. I started going to the gym and getting serious about weight lifting in July of last year, after having always been one of those girls who didn’t touch weights because I “didn’t wanna get bulky”. I started at 5’1 135 lbs, my highest weight ever, and I got down to about 120 and was loving the way I looked. Then I fell of the wagon and gained it back.

The biggest surprise to me is that I still love my
body even back up at my highest weight now. I kept up with the gym and weight lifting even as I knew I was fucking it all up with my eating habits, so I didn’t lost strength or muscle. Just a few weeks ago I snapped myself out of it and got back on track with my diet. When I say I love my body now, I don’t mean that I’m satisfied. I’d like to relose those 15 lbs and maybe 5-10 more at most, while continuing to build muscle. But when I look in the mirror now, I don’t see a fat girl, I see a strong woman who has worked hard to build a muscular body that just happens to be carrying a little bit of extra fat on the surface right now. But it’s no sweat because I know it’ll come off again eventually.

This might sound pretty simple to some people, but it’s life-changing for me. I struggled with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia in the past. At my lowest I was like 95 lbs and I still hated my body. I’ve wasted 35 years of my life wanting desperately to be skinny. I would have done almost anything to be skinny. And now, I don’t actually want that at all anymore. Being skinny like I used to covet would mean losing all the gains I’ve made. It would mean losing my butt and thighs, which I used to want to carve off with a turkey carver and are now some of my favorite assets. I genuinely LOVE my body now, even as I recognize room for improvement.

So I wanted to thank this sub and others who helped me take the plunge to start working out, because I would still be that girl trying to diet my way into size 0 jeans otherwise (not that there’s anything wrong with people who do wear size 0, or those who are skinny. Everyone’s body goals are different).
 
@byways4life I’m turning 35 this year and I’m around 130 and I look (and feel!) so much better than I did 10 years ago 15lbs lighter. Lifting has really changed my life!
 
@byways4life Yesssss, there's something really mind-altering in a positive way just the act of going to the gym. It's like you know you're still taking care of yourself and your mind can relax knowing that. It's amazing and keeps me going each time.
 
@byways4life This subreddit really helped me move away from weight based goals and more towards functional goals. (Like I want to be able to do blank)

It definitely has brought more positive energy into my life to stop looking at work outs as "ugh I ate so much pasta I need to burn it off" and more "this is helping me train for my pull up". So I'm no longer treating workouts like punishment.

Congrats on your progress really happy for you
 
@tobyp Decoupling working out from weight loss goals has been a game changer for me. I used to only do it, like you said, to try to burn off what I’d eaten. Now it’s like a hobby. I’ll get excited waiting to leave work to go to the gym, planning my workout in my head and wondering if I can hit a new ORM on this or that.
 
@byways4life I'm turning 40 this year, hitting menopause and suddenly drowning in self-loathing for my belly and legs. I'm 5'4" and 140 and the scale hasn't budged in a decade.

...but I can squat 115, deadlift 140, press 60, and bench 65. I couldn't do that ten years ago...!

I just wish I had an off switch for the negative, ageist, sexist, fat shame-y thoughts inside my head. They ruin vacations T_T
 
@objectivechristianity
...but I can squat 115, deadlift 140, press 60, and bench 65. I couldn't do that ten years ago...!

Damn that’s so impressive!! Squats are my weakest exercise, I can barely do like 50 lbs without feeling like my legs are gonna give out under me. I’ve found I really like Bulgarian split squats though and I can do much more weight on those!

And yeah, at 35 I know 40 is right around the corner and I’d be lying if I said I’m not worried about how it’s going to make me feel to move on into the next decade. Trying to work hard on self improvement and self love in the next five years to counteract it though. I’m sorry you’re going through that, and I hope you can be gentle with yourself. I’ve always loved that advice to take all of your negative self talk and imagine it was your best friend saying that about herself. What would you tell her to make her see that she’s perfect the way she is? That helps me sometimes.
 
@byways4life This is my ultimate goal. Sure I have a goal weight in mind right now, but essentially that’s just a ballpark but the real aim is to be happy with my body, whatever my weight is.

My eating habits are a little disordered which I’m working on, but I’m also really trying to implement healthy habits too, and even joined a new gym on Monday. I love that you’ve had such a positive mindset shift since starting at the gym!
 
@byways4life I'm going to be 34 in a few weeks and have spent my entire life struggling to not binge or starve because I'm an emotional eater and hated how I looked. I'm almost at my highest weight again. I've just started my fitness journey again and am trying to be healthy about it. It's hard, especially after over 30 years of feeling awful. I'm happy wearing my crop tops and leggings even though I'm not skinny. Wish I could've told younger me that it gets better.
 
@byways4life I feel the same, at same age and weight! I’ve spent my whole life trying to be lean too, and I really beat myself up around eating “bad foods.” I’m learning to let that go and really think about what makes me feel good and healthy? Weight lifting has changed me too, I feel so strong. I’m the same weight but I just like the way my body looks now - i have definition (and yes, a layer of fat as well but genetically it’s going nowhere, I’m never going to be 20% body fat or super lean).

Another thing that’s helped me is I have a daughter who is basically my clone, and I see that she’s perfect. It makes me accept myself, and also make sure I’m not giving the message that I should fight for the rest of my life to be 10lb less than my baseline natural weight.
 
@byways4life I feel you on this. I'm pretty early on in my fitness journey, had a surgery in December last year and started kettlebells in late January, but maaaan, being able to squat at work in weird positions and angles and it being a total breeze...

It's so reassuring. Like for the first time in my life my body is like 'its ok, we can do things.' That's what people don't realise when they say exercise reduces anxiety. It's not because you're just expending energy, it's because your body starts to become more capable and it knows that.
 
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