Consistency v. Obsession

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susiejeanne

New member
Exercising regularly has been part of my life for maybe ... 5 years now. Something that I have learnt about myself over this time is that I have excellent self-discipline around being consistent when it comes to working out (if you know Gretchen Rubin's 4 tendencies, I am 100% obliger). However, I also see that this can present itself as becoming slightly obsessive. My sketchy body image plays into that too.

For example, my hubby had the afternoon off work yesterday and I wanted to hang out with him, instead of going swimming as I had planned. He said "Its not an obligation to go swim" and I'm like "well...in my head it is, because I said to myself I was going to go twice a week". I stayed home but it was a challenge with that little voice in my head saying "oh, you need to go do some exercise to make up for it. You'll lose all the benefits of your workouts if you skip sessions".

I feel like I am managing to keep a good balance at the moment but the mental games I have to play to do that are quite exhausting. It would just be nice for it not to be a big deal in my head if I don't exercise for a couple of days, instead of having to repeatedly tell myself that it is ok and normal if I don't do "something" 5/6 days a week, every week.

Does this resonate with anyone else, and how do you handle it? I just read through what I have shared here and feel kinda vulnerable about posting it...please be kind.
 
@susiejeanne The issue is not the consistency and discipline in you working out. As long as it doesn’t interfere with your other daily obligations you are fine.

That being said, what are your goals?
How do you feel during or after a workout?

Finally, you mention sketchy body image. I think this is the topic to address and you might want to talk to a professional about it.

My (not a Dr btw) advice would the following: make the pledge not to worry about self image for one day. As soon as the thought comes up, redirect the snowball into a positive. Nip it in the bud. Turn off any negative into a positive or at least a neutral statement ie don’t ask yourself or others “what’s wrong?” but “what’s going on/what’s happening?”.

Finally my take on body image issues is that it is related to our upbringing or situations we experienced as a kid. You might want to dig into this so you can understand and let it go. It is a fascinating journey btw.

All the best to you!
 
@broncofan Thanks for your response.

My main goal is to remain healthy as I age, so I can hopefully avoid relying on other people when I get older. I do occasionally make a small goal with achieving something, like when I started swimming it was to get up to 40 lengths of the pool per session. Exercise makes me feel good, so I try to make it as much about that as possible.

I'm not in therapy at the moment, but have been...I know that beneath all of this is my desire for perfection, which comes from a fear that I am not good enough and not lovable as I am. You hit the nail on the head re childhood experiences, everything in my life has been coloured by childhood emotional neglect and its only the last few years that I have been able to start working through that.
 
@susiejeanne Looks like you are exercising for the right reason. Each rep is a direct deposit into your life bank!

For the childhood part and the triggers it releases in your adult life, know that there plenty of resources to identify and understand the root of it.
One of the way I was taught to let go was to write a letter to me as a kid and actually mail it.
Write to your inner child that everything will be ok and that the adult you is now taking over for the best.

You are enough. You have the right to be loved, to love and to thrive in life.
 
@susiejeanne I totally get what you're saying. If it helps I talked to a therapist about this and they think it is related to my OCD tendencies.

Might want to talk to a therapist if you have access it helped me.
 
@susiejeanne Generally speaking, the body responds very well to a bit of additional time off.

As with diet, be consistent most of the time so when unstructured days crop up it is no big deal to take a break or eat something not on the meal-plan.

Ask yourself why it is that you train in the first place.
 
@susiejeanne Im very ocd with training, and i feel absolutely shit mentally if i dont go. The thing is , i know the rest days are needed and that im actually impeding my gains by doing this. Active recovery is how i manage it.
 
@dawn16 For sure, rest days are super important - for some reason I have to do everything the hard way, so I got pretty burnt-out back at the end of 2020. Recently I have been mixing yoga + mobility workouts into my routine, and that seems to be working nicely. Although its hard sometimes to convince myself that those things count.
 
@susiejeanne I wound up waking up to go workout instead of trying to work it in at the end or middle. I determined how much time I workout and I created that window of time before everything else. It took a little bit to get it down, but after 5 years of starting my day with a workout, it's one of the best decisions ouvre made for myself.

Is obsession an element of this? Yup. And I'm perfectly content with that. It helps keep me clean and it helps keep me from sliding back into terrible eating habits, so I'll take the obsession over the alternative. I've learned how to let my demons play at the gym and it really helps keep them (mostly) at bay for the rest of the day.

My brain still tells me that one or two missed workouts is enough to make years of progress and change go away, but I'm a lot quicker to remind myself that is not true, but I still feel like I "need" to workout to start my day. As time has passed, I wouldn't say so much that the obsession went away, but how I cope with a missed workout has changed a lot. I'm not mentally and emotionally "chained" to the gym on days I miss as I used to be. A missed workout doesn't ruin my day anymore.

The way I see it, I'm going to obsess over something. Period. I'm just that way. My mind NEEDS something to obsess about. By giving it healthy eating and exercise to obsess about, I'm trading a destructive obsession (using) for a constructive one (diet and exercise).
 
@4teacherva Congratulations on staying clean, that is a huge achievement. I'm an ex addict myself, and I totally get what you are saying with needing to obsess about something...and claro, better for it to be a healthy obsession.
 
@susiejeanne I think this can be summed up with: Work out to live. Don’t live to work out.

Generally speaking, unless you’re a professional or very high level amateur athlete, there will be ebbs and flows. Roll with it. I like to think of my fitness as a rolling average over the last 365 days. That way I don’t sweat it if I miss even a week or two due to other obligations ,or even - gasp - laziness. Helps keep perspective.
 
@joel_mutua I love this idea! It feels so freeing to look at the larger picture of 365 days, rather than zooming in on what I did over the last week or even month. Thank you so much for sharing, this is going to be a life-changing mindset update for me! Hope you have a great day!
 
@susiejeanne Cheers! i think that nagging feeling is something many of us deal with. The consistency, the prioritization, the goal setting and achieving, the doing of the hard things- it’s all still there and is important. but a shift in perspective can free you from the underserved guilt when things start to swerve, which they will. and there’s something to be said about getting thrown off routines, too. that in itself can put us in a weird mental state. but with the right mindset we can adapt. “be like water.”
 
@susiejeanne You might find Dan Johns podcast or books freeing. Easy Strength is highly recommended. As someone else said Workout to Live is kind of his defining principle.
 
@susiejeanne I see obsession as a good thing. I am also obsessed to the point where i’m going 6 days a week to train and on my rest day which is Sunday I find it impossible to not go to the gym so I go anyway.

This is also why I have outgrown everyone at my gym because I track macros, workouts and try to perfect form and do PRs every single day. Obsession is mandatory to take things to another level. And of course there will always be people who think you’re crazy but thats to be expected. Deep down inside they respect the shit out of you.
 
@lilmateo I'm glad you found a way that works for you. Part of my journey has been realising that I cannot compare myself to others or think about what they think of me. I try not to track too much, apart from knowing what I did so I dont do my beloved leg day everyday lol. I dont even weigh or measure myself, because those knowing numbers has no actual benefit to me.
 
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