Frustration with negative feedback

[bobrobert]

Does anyone else run into this? I never feel like I can share about being excited about going to the gym because "gym people" squash it immediately by telling me I'm doing everything wrong. I just want to be able to try to start going to the gym somewhat regularly, but 100% of the feedback I get from friends is that everything I do is wrong, and I need to do X,Y,Z instead. But then the next person tells me X,Y and Z are completely wrong and I need to do A, B and C instead. It really takes the wind out of my sails and ruins the fun and excitement of being proud of myself for actually TRYING.

Is the following a horrible, terrible workout that is going to ruin my body and won't help with anything? Are these things completely pointless because they are all wrong? Is it better to sit home on the couch than do these?

10 minutes on the treadmill alternating run/walk

Bicep curls with dumbbells

Calf extensions with dumbbells

Knee extensions on the machine

Leg press machine

Bicep curl with machine

10 minutes of treadmill run/walk

I just tried these because these are the equipment that I know how to do without hurting myself. I did light weights and only 10 of each so I won't get injured. It's just my first day. I loved it, I thought it was really fun, and would love to do it again (after a rest day of course.) I didn't even want to stop but I made myself go easy since it's my first day and I want to keep it fun. And my friend immediately told me 100% of it was wrong, I shouldn't do any of these things that I felt comfortable doing, and I should have done completely different things that are unfamiliar to me. I was really excited but now I feel so deflated. This happens every time

 

[josephl]

@bobrobert Being active and working out is good, end of story. ANYTHING you do at the gym will be much better than having sat around instead. So ignore anyone saying a workout is bad if the alternative is just not working out.

That being said, if you’re trying to decide between workouts, I would say the one above has room for improvement. Basically it’s focusing on small muscles (biceps, calves), and missing big chunks of your body (back, chest, shoulders). If you’re looking for advice on that specific workout I’d say to replace the bicep curl machine and dumbbell calf extensions with bench press and deadlifts. They’re much bigger lifts that will hit all the parts of your body that were missing before.

But again, at the end of the day anything is better than nothing, so if the original workout is what gets you in the gym, do that. Then maybe once you’re comfortably in a routine you can work on optimizing it.

 

[bobrobert]

@josephl Thank you, this is really helpful! This makes me feel like I can go back and try again

When I go back, if I were to add ONE thing, what would you recommend? My apartment gym doesn't have barbell freeweights or a bench press type machine, but we have a good set of dumbbells that are near a bench that I assume you could use them with. Would the best thing to add be a bench press with dumbbells?

I would love it if the things I did were fine, and then I could just gradually add things as I get more comfortable and learn how to do more. The weights part of my workout was 10 minutes so I think adding things or adding reps until it's 20 minutes would be good. I'm 41 years old so I'm not trying to look like a ripped bodybuilding star, just trying to stay out of the nursing home!

I really appreciate you!!

 

[josephl]

@bobrobert Dumbbell bench presses are great, they get the same muscles as the barbell ones but they also work on stabilization, so definitely go for those!

You can also look into combination movements with dumbbells (the type of stuff you’d see in CrossFit but hopefully with a little more control!), like single arm dumbbell clean and jerks, or thrusters.

 

[bobrobert]

@josephl Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this helps! This is totally stuff I can add. And it just helps from the "What I'm doing is okay" mindset which I really, really needed after the negativity. Someday when I go into the nursing home at 85 instead of 82, I'll think of you

 

[josephl]

@bobrobert

You’re awesome! Keep on rocking

 

[beardedbloke]

@bobrobert The general goal is to hit every muscle group. How you do so is entirely up to you. You’re not in a competition. Doing what you like to do means you’re…actually going to it and stay with it which is what is important. You went. That’s the hardest part. It all gets easier and more fun from there.

 

[mommajulesberry]

@bobrobert

https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/oh75rz/request_for_picking_db_only_routine_frankomans_vs

this thread has good noob routines. fierce 5 looks really solid and lets you focus on just progressing weights over time.

https://www.muscleandstrength.com/workouts/4-day-upper-lower-planet-fitness-workout

this one includes some machines and idk what the apartment gym has

i am admittedly linking these and shoving prewritten programs in your face to give you an idea of what a comprehensive program for general health and strength might look like. obviously just being in there and bringing your A game is probably getting most of the general health be benefits of resistance training but now you have the blueprint to make changes if you want to train for clearly defined results such as looking better naked or not neglecting any muscle group.

 

[karingkristen]

@bobrobert Honestly, I think you've done great just getting through the door initially. The gym can be intimidating when you first start going. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with starting out with what you are comfortable with. Start out with something fun that you are going to look forward to doing. Then, once you've built up that confidence and good habits, then worry more about adding difficulty and a routine. I'm no pro, but that's my two cents. Great job getting out there, keep up the good work.

 

[dingding]

@bobrobert Stop looking at these people for reassurance, just go and have fun.

 

[dawn16]

@bobrobert The group of movements you're doing aren't optimal for a lot of reasons, but if you're making progress and enjoying yourself then you're doing it right.

Doing something is always better than doing nothing, and once you're a bit more comfortable and looking to branch out there are plenty of resources online to guide you in the right direction with programming, diet etc. For now just keep it fun!

 

[koffeekraver]

@bobrobert If you're feeling insecure about form, youtube will be your best friend for the next couple of months-years as long as you continue to working out, this will pretty much be your main source of knowledge. Asking advice from randoms that don't themselves have the physique you're looking for is honestly not the smartest thing, taking the advice is even dumber. The amount of ignorant people at the gym trying to give advice is limitless. Listen and agree with them for the sake of being friendly but always look up what you're working on even if you think ur doing it correctly.

Ive been working out 2 years consistently non stop and even then, still find parts of my physique that I need to work out and have to youtube. You not knowing how to perform an excercise on your first day is 200% acceptable and normal. The biggest thing is that you continue to work these body parts out and perfect the form, no one is going to have perfect form on their first try.

 

[ericab]

@bobrobert Honestly no workout is a bad workout, but there is definitely room for improvement. Is the aim strength? hypertrophy? fitness? how much time are you willing each session to be? how many days a week can you go to the gym?

ill also recommend the channel 'Renaissance Periodization' for advice

 

[bobrobert]

@ericab I totally agree that there is room for improvement - my issue is the 3 times in my life that I've tried to start going to the gym, each time I've reached out to thank the person who inspired/motivated me to do it, and they immediately launched into a 100% criticism of everything I did. I can take some constructive feedback, but no one wants to try something new and promptly be told everything they did was completely wrong.

The workout that I did today isn't my set-in-stone forever workout; it's literally just 5 things I wasn't too intimidated to try on my first day. I definitely want to learn and try new things, but I felt like it would be nice to start with the only things I was somewhat familiar with. My friend today told me to cancel all 5 things I did and do 5 completely different things I am totally unfamiliar with and don't know how to do correctly. To me, that seems like an injury waiting to happen - I'd feel safer doing the 5 things I know for a week or two, then add one new thing at a time, carefully learning to do it correctly.

I'm not in an "I NEED RESULTS IN 6 WEEKS" panic or desperate to lose a bunch of weight to be a size 2 by June, and my friend knows that. The goal here is - as a 41 year old - to prolong my entrance to the nursing home from 80 to 85. I plan to go 2-3 days per week, and I already do a lot of road cycling and hiking so I have plenty of cardio that way - but people keep telling me "You need to add strength training as you age!" so I'm just trying to do that.

 

[ericab]

@bobrobert A fellow road cyclist! are your gym goals at all intentioned to align with your bike work?

Cycling to and from the gym cuts out the in-gym cardio for me for some time saving.

You'll have to be content with the fact that they don't know the first thing about encouragement. Perhaps their eagerness to 'criticise' is just how they communicate that they want the best for you. The alternative might be that they get jealous and let you be aimless in the gym so you don't overcome them in the gym.

 

[bobrobert]

@ericab The gym is in my apartment building so...I do take the stairs to get there!

I think I'll develop goals as I go. For starters, I'm just trying to get through that initial "going to the gym" phase of not being familiar with things, not knowing what to do, etc. I have no doubt that after a week or so I'll be watching videos of "Best exercises to prevent back injuries" and "Best strength training for cyclists." Just one thing at a time

 

[anonymous18]

@bobrobert You exercise for YOU, and you only. Exercise is never wasted and anyone telling you otherwise is an asshat. If you enjoy it and don’t hurt yourself, keep on going! Once you get comfortable with it you’ll find it way easier to try new movements and exercises if you feel like it

 

[keoki]

@bobrobert Stop listening to people! The moment you can master the “fuck it” and not give a damn about others opinions, the better your life will be. Doesn’t matter what you do in this world, always somebody who will have something to say. So just do you. Workout. Enjoy it. Make yourself happy.

 

[anyo]

@bobrobert When I do something that's tough for me or can cause anxiety, I often find that even very well meaning people will jump in and start telling me all the ways to do it better. It's so overwhelming that I've had to learn to fight the urge to just stop altogether. I'm not always successful at it.

I've just started going to the gym regularly again and this time I've been very determined about going my own pace and not worrying about anything besides listening to my body and not hurting myself. I've been adding things as I get more comfortable in the gym again and I'm feeling good.

I don't have any practical advice (and it looks like others in this thread have that covered!) but I just want you to know I know exactly how you feel and I'm rooting for you! Don't let people rush you or push you to do things you're not ready for yet. Being active and not getting hurt are the most important parts.

 

[bobrobert]

@anyo Thanks This one has been a lifelong issue for me. I wasn't allowed to play sports in junior high/high school which is how other kids learned to use the gym. To me, it has always been a very foreign place.

And the issue has always come from when a friend will motivate/push me to try to going to the gym, so I finally go, and I reach out to thank the person for motivating me, and then they launch into "What did you do?" immediately followed by "THIS is wrong and THIS is wrong and THIS is wrong and THIS is wrong." That's what happened today, but you and the other people on here have really helped encourage me to just do what I can do and what I'm comfortable with!!