@hope3 As a parent, you should volunteer to cook healthy meals. After cooking thousand of meals for other people, it’s exhausting, and torturous. You end up doing what’s easy and fast, and usually not healthy (if that’s what you’re used to). Your parents would probably be so grateful to not have to cook they’d eat whatever you made/prepped and lose weight as a result. Food always tastes 1000 times better when someone else makes it!
How can I help my parents?
- Thread starter pokerking
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@mcml8705 I’ve absolutely volunteered to cook for my mother and have done so before.
The problem is after I cook, she ends up ordering a second dinner/picking up more food at some point. This has happened many times and it’s frustrating because not only do I feel like I’m doing more damage (because that’s extra calories!) it feels like she does not appreciate the money and time I’ve spent on making the food.
Unfortunately I think she has some sort of food addiction that I’m not really sure what the best way to handle is. Ultimately she’s not going to change until she’s ready to do it herself :/
The problem is after I cook, she ends up ordering a second dinner/picking up more food at some point. This has happened many times and it’s frustrating because not only do I feel like I’m doing more damage (because that’s extra calories!) it feels like she does not appreciate the money and time I’ve spent on making the food.
Unfortunately I think she has some sort of food addiction that I’m not really sure what the best way to handle is. Ultimately she’s not going to change until she’s ready to do it herself :/
@pokerking Try to find some new active hobbies you can participate in as a family. Working towards a 5k is cool for sure, but don't discount things like going on weekend hikes or bike rides, ice skating, or even manual labor like yard work or a building project- or growing a vegetable garden. Hit your library for interesting cookbooks and try new healthy recipes every week. A yoga class is something that people of sizes and skill levels can do together.
Speaking as a parent (albeit with younger kids), I wouldn't want to feel like my kids were telling me what to do about my body. But these days I'm the one dragging them on outings, when I'd LOVE for them to volunteer to go hiking or whatever. Anything to get them away from a screen!
Speaking as a parent (albeit with younger kids), I wouldn't want to feel like my kids were telling me what to do about my body. But these days I'm the one dragging them on outings, when I'd LOVE for them to volunteer to go hiking or whatever. Anything to get them away from a screen!
@rysterf I was going to post a similar thought. Things you can do together would be great. Encouraging them to do exercise? Ehhh. Wanting to spend time with them and it happens to be through exercise? Now that's rewarding, especially at age 14 and it sounds like there's a good relationship. Helping to cook a meal, or taking cooking classes together, or getting involved in learning how to meal plan- these are all things you could do together and would also be things they would probably really appreciate.
That's kind of a life lesson- if you want someone to do something, make sure you are not adding to their load like one more thing in their to do list that probably already feels too long- make it seem like you are actually lightening the load and it won't cost then extra effort to do what you want and may even cost less with better results.
Good luck, OP!
That's kind of a life lesson- if you want someone to do something, make sure you are not adding to their load like one more thing in their to do list that probably already feels too long- make it seem like you are actually lightening the load and it won't cost then extra effort to do what you want and may even cost less with better results.
Good luck, OP!
@pokerking You guys can sign up for a 5k together and run the C25K running program together. It’s a great beginners running program that can be easily done on a treadmill.
wowgirl2013
New member
@pokerking Boy.... if my nearly 14yo kid had a calm sit down with me and the spousal unit just saying something equivalent of all this*, it would def be a 'come to Jesus moment'. That discussion seems worth a try in your case.
HAVING SAID THAT: you can't control what other people do/don't do, including people you love very much making obviously bad choices for themselves. What you CAN control is choices you make for yourself. If your folks can't go there with you, you'll have to lead the way and let them decide to follow or not. This is a situation that will be repeated in various iterations throughout your life, so best to learn early to identify good advice and develop the determination to stick with it despite lack of support, objections, teasing, etc.
It sounds like you're on the right track FWIW, so your parents must have done a few other things right!
*we're not super unhealthy but kids pick up on EV.ER.Y.THING. I'm banking on our replicant having their day of pointing out some other major plank in our eye at some point.
HAVING SAID THAT: you can't control what other people do/don't do, including people you love very much making obviously bad choices for themselves. What you CAN control is choices you make for yourself. If your folks can't go there with you, you'll have to lead the way and let them decide to follow or not. This is a situation that will be repeated in various iterations throughout your life, so best to learn early to identify good advice and develop the determination to stick with it despite lack of support, objections, teasing, etc.
It sounds like you're on the right track FWIW, so your parents must have done a few other things right!
*we're not super unhealthy but kids pick up on EV.ER.Y.THING. I'm banking on our replicant having their day of pointing out some other major plank in our eye at some point.
@wowgirl2013 This should be the top comment. You can't control what other people do, and you especially can't parent a parent.
wowgirl2013
New member
P.S. My dad is a diabetic, and his diet is terrible and his exercising is haphazard. Helplessly watching the effects of the disease slowly consume him is utterly awful but I know from past experience and observation that there's no talking him out of it.
I'm trying to be as proactive as I can about not putting my kid in a similar situation, and am consciously passing on all my knowledge so that 1. kid knows that I'm actively avoiding diabetes for their sake as much as mine and 2. giving them the tools to hopefully avoid that road as much as possible themselves.
I'm trying to be as proactive as I can about not putting my kid in a similar situation, and am consciously passing on all my knowledge so that 1. kid knows that I'm actively avoiding diabetes for their sake as much as mine and 2. giving them the tools to hopefully avoid that road as much as possible themselves.
@wowgirl2013 My dad is diabetic too, and for YEARS he would eat like he wasn't! My mom is really bad with this as well and she has multiple diseases, many of which could be help with a little bit of exercise and healthy eating.
My dad has been eating cake, drinking soda, eating really fat meals, his only exercise were gardening in the summer. It took him getting a blood clot in his heart and almost dying before both him and my mom woke up! He is only 65. It has been SO hard watching, especially him, not take care of himself. I remember one day I was just crying, begging him to please change his habits and be healthier, because I didn't want to lose him. Even that didn't change anything. You really can't control what people around you are doing.
Luckily now he is working out (doctors order, rehabilitation) and starting to eat healthier. He is actually looking better than he has for years and his energy is much better. I hope he keeps it up. But in the end, people make their own choices about their body and life, it's just important that we support them with ALL that we have if they start making changes, even small ones.
My dad has been eating cake, drinking soda, eating really fat meals, his only exercise were gardening in the summer. It took him getting a blood clot in his heart and almost dying before both him and my mom woke up! He is only 65. It has been SO hard watching, especially him, not take care of himself. I remember one day I was just crying, begging him to please change his habits and be healthier, because I didn't want to lose him. Even that didn't change anything. You really can't control what people around you are doing.
Luckily now he is working out (doctors order, rehabilitation) and starting to eat healthier. He is actually looking better than he has for years and his energy is much better. I hope he keeps it up. But in the end, people make their own choices about their body and life, it's just important that we support them with ALL that we have if they start making changes, even small ones.
@pokerking My mum had great success with weight watchers. My dad took up swimming as therapy for his back but now he does it primarily for fitness. Maybe you could start with a walk around the block in the afternoon? Go for a hike/walk somewhere? Half the battle is won in the kitchen. Maybe everyone could log their food on My fitness pal? It’s quite eye opening once you see just how much you eat in a day and how many calories sneak in as a teaspoon of sugar or dollop of sauce. For me the kicker was finding exercise I enjoyed. I loved the group fitness classes when I was part of a gym.
@pokerking I lost 120 lbs. a few years ago, and I have to stay it started from a situation that wasn't mentally good for me and it got twisted from there, but it became something that I stuck to for a year, and things began to just feel like a lifestyle rather than a diet.
I think it will depend on what your parents are like if you want to talk to them about it. My dad is overweight, and I worry about him sometimes, but I know he's an adult capable of making decisions on his own and I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. I'd also worry that I would upset him on top of the daily stressors he already goes through. I do though just try to lead as by example by asking for more vegetables and healthier options to be available at home when I'm in town visiting them. I'll try to suggest healthier recipes I have been making on my own for dinner. There's been times, because I work from home, I'll cook everyone a healthy dinner too.
Perhaps you could also do the same. I'm not sure how comfortable your parents would feel if you cooked, but you could make cooking healthier meals together not only an opportunity to help your dad make healthier choices, but also a bonding and learning experience. You could also ask your parents if they can take you to the gym 2-3 times a week in the evenings after they get home from work, and hopefully that could encourage them to want to go more knowing you also want to go. If the gym feels too daunting for them, suggest going for walks around your neighborhood. Any physical movement is better than none.
I think it will depend on what your parents are like if you want to talk to them about it. My dad is overweight, and I worry about him sometimes, but I know he's an adult capable of making decisions on his own and I can't force him to do anything he doesn't want to. I'd also worry that I would upset him on top of the daily stressors he already goes through. I do though just try to lead as by example by asking for more vegetables and healthier options to be available at home when I'm in town visiting them. I'll try to suggest healthier recipes I have been making on my own for dinner. There's been times, because I work from home, I'll cook everyone a healthy dinner too.
Perhaps you could also do the same. I'm not sure how comfortable your parents would feel if you cooked, but you could make cooking healthier meals together not only an opportunity to help your dad make healthier choices, but also a bonding and learning experience. You could also ask your parents if they can take you to the gym 2-3 times a week in the evenings after they get home from work, and hopefully that could encourage them to want to go more knowing you also want to go. If the gym feels too daunting for them, suggest going for walks around your neighborhood. Any physical movement is better than none.
ephraimite
New member
@pokerking Hi there! You sound like a great daughter to be concerned for your family's health and fitness. It's great that you are in this mindset now because it'll be easier to carry sustainable habits through adulthood.
There are great resources in the FAQ. Firstly, what I can't emphasize enough is to encourage them through small steps at a time. Never try to do a complete change in habits overnight. They won't stick! This is what we refer to as sustainability- basically making little changes until they become natural, and then adding more little changes.
Secondly, the best area to start with weight loss is going to be in the kitchen. Losing weight through your diet is generally much faster and easier than trying to exercise it off. This is because weight loss comes down to calories in versus calories out- and it's much easier for them to go in. A medium McDonald's milkshake, for example, is 670 calories. A 200-lb person would have to power walk 6 miles to burn that many calories- that would take over an hour! So, start with diet, and when your family is at a good place with that, try little changes in exercise.
Lastly, try to focus on adding things in rather than restricting. Add more vegetables and fruits! Add more walking into your daily routine!
Examples of small things you can change about diet:
There are great resources in the FAQ. Firstly, what I can't emphasize enough is to encourage them through small steps at a time. Never try to do a complete change in habits overnight. They won't stick! This is what we refer to as sustainability- basically making little changes until they become natural, and then adding more little changes.
Secondly, the best area to start with weight loss is going to be in the kitchen. Losing weight through your diet is generally much faster and easier than trying to exercise it off. This is because weight loss comes down to calories in versus calories out- and it's much easier for them to go in. A medium McDonald's milkshake, for example, is 670 calories. A 200-lb person would have to power walk 6 miles to burn that many calories- that would take over an hour! So, start with diet, and when your family is at a good place with that, try little changes in exercise.
Lastly, try to focus on adding things in rather than restricting. Add more vegetables and fruits! Add more walking into your daily routine!
Examples of small things you can change about diet:
- Eat one more vegetable and fruit a day than you already do.
- Replace one portion of your normal meal with fruit or veggies.
- Prepare all weekday breakfasts/lunches/dinners at home. (Pick one at a time- breakfast is the easiest.)
- Start drinking more water. If they normally have soda at lunch, for example, just replace one soda with a glass of water.
- Start using more spices to flavor your foods rather than heavier sauces.
- Take a cooking class as a family. (Learning to cook is an invaluable skill for healthy eating!)
- Take a 10 minute walk after dinner. (Add 5 minutes each week.)
- Go on a family hike or cycling every week.
joyfulspirit68
New member
@ephraimite I'd add to this great post -- make it a habit to cook dinner for them at least once a week..... and make it a delicious healthy dinner, not something that screams "Diet!!" Practice it beforehand. Tell your Mom you're going to treat them and go shopping with her and get your ingredients. Pick a night to cook. And after dinner, ask them to go on a short walk with you. Just 5 minutes. With any luck, they will love the dinner, ask you to cook more and the next time, walk for 6 minutes!!
It's a great project for you and important for your family. I appreciate that you are concerned about your Dad's health and wish you all the best.
It's a great project for you and important for your family. I appreciate that you are concerned about your Dad's health and wish you all the best.
ephraimite
New member
@joyfulspirit68 I agree- I used to make the mistake of trying to cook way too healthy by using no salt or oil and it wouldn’t taste good! So of course, I’d be back getting takeout after a few days, which would be filled with butter and sodium. Then I started using a moderate amount of salt and fats in my cooking and it changed my life- I eat mostly home-cooked meals now that I actually enjoy and I’m less bloated and can easily drop a bit of weight without feeling hungry.
Another suggestion, if it’s in the budget, is to get a meal prep box delivery. It’s certainly not necessary, but might make the cooking transition smoother depending on where your family is at with cooking. After a while, you can take the cooking techniques you learn and use recipes you find on the web.
Another suggestion, if it’s in the budget, is to get a meal prep box delivery. It’s certainly not necessary, but might make the cooking transition smoother depending on where your family is at with cooking. After a while, you can take the cooking techniques you learn and use recipes you find on the web.
@joyfulspirit68 There are so many great recipes out there and cooking really shows how much time and effort you are putting into their lives! You'd be amazed how different a frozen box lasagna and a prepped lasagna from the freezer really taste. I follow along with some of the vegetarian and vegan groups just to get ideas on more filling fruits and veggies. Adding minced mushroom with ground beef has been an awesome cheat for me and it is a bit cheaper too. I love to cook with my family and hope you will too!
@ephraimite Exercise is great because of what you mentioned. Once you realize how hard it is to even burn 100 calories you become a lot more conscious of what you eat.
@ephraimite great suggestions! love this response!
@ephraimite I love this! I've been working on this for a few years. Taking little baby steps. It has been up and down but I no longer drink pop, eat at least two healthy meals a day with loads of veggies and walk at least a mile after work every day. This all started with me giving up pop. I've watched my parents struggle with weight and unhealthy choices and grew up with unhealthy habits. Baby steps has been the only way I have been able changed the cycle. I feel so much better and I've been trying to encourage my family to do the same. This is great advice! Thank you for sharing.
@ephraimite Wow thank you! This is super helpful. I’ll talk to my parents about this.
mackdaddywithlord
New member
@pokerking If applicable: also work on STOPPING eating after dinnertime. At least 2-3 hours before bed of no calories. Most Americans are eating basically all waking hours.
It's normal to not take in anything for 12 hours every day. If you go up to 16+ hours with no food, you get into intermittent fasting territory.
It's normal to not take in anything for 12 hours every day. If you go up to 16+ hours with no food, you get into intermittent fasting territory.