How can I help my parents?

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pokerking

New member
For reference: I am 14 y/o girl, parents are 45, dad is probably around 230 lbs if I were to guess, not sure if that’s helpful. I love my dad. My whole family does, always. But he’s always been overweight, and that’s been very difficult for him to struggle with. My mom and dad always say that they’ll be “going on a diet” and we just joined the gym near us. I try and help when I can, encouraging them to go to the gym and eat healthier foods or eat less. I’m not sure what I can do to help them, if anything. If people who were previously overweight and have since lost the weight could comment what helped them, that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading. Apologies for the chunk of text, I’m on mobile.
Edit: Woah! Thanks so much everyone for the tips, good wishes, and concerns. This is so wonderful. I’ll be posting updates if/when I can. Thank you so much.
 
@pokerking My parents took walks together to their favourite coffee shop. They would walk all the way there, have a cup of coffee and then walk the long way home. It was exercise plus 2 hours away from us kids. They sometimes let us come along and I love going on walks because of them.
 
@pokerking As a nutritionist, I help people start introducing healthier habits each day. The more unhealthy a diet is, the bigger the response to small changes. I.e. If all you start out with is removing pop, they will begin to feel better....slowly, with time and encouragement, as they begin to see the improvement, they might be inspired to introduce more changes to improve their health.

They probably slowly became they way they are now, it will take time to help them return to a healthier state. Remember, nagging backfires. Also, most people don't realise how bad they feel until they start to feel better.

Finally, the majority of people accept how they are as part of aging, they don't realise that nature did not design us to be overweight, sore etc. It is our lifestyle that created this and it can improve with lifestyle changes also. This is a real hard concept for many.
 
@pokerking As a daughter it could help to guilt him a little. "Dad you know how much I love you. I know you won't be around forever but I'm worried about your health. I want you to be healthy and live long enough to see me graduate college/ get married/ have my own children. Do you want to take a walk with me every day so we can spend time together and get some light exercise too?"
 
@pokerking There's a lot of good points here, but another thing I'd chip in is you could also frame it as being concerned about your own health too. Like, "mum, dad, I want to try eating healthier and us always having juice in the fridge is really tempting me even though know it's got a lot of sugar. Can we stop buying juice for a while, so that I can get into the habit of only drinking water?" Or ask if you can go to the gym with them (maybe you need an adult to accompany you, maybe you're 'too shy' to go alone)
 
@pokerking If I can share one piece of advice that I saw in my parents' marriage and now I see in my own it is that you cannot go on a diet for your spouse. You can certainly try to diet together but you will never make them thinner than they want to be. I try to motivate my husband not to give up, but I am the only one who gets more and more in shape. I have to be a little bit at peace with this in a way my mother never was. What I'm saying to you is, you can't diet for/change your parents...
 
@pokerking I would suggest that setting a good example is the best thing you can do here (though ideally that should have been them setting a better example for you). It’s easier to change your own lifestyle and habits than theirs but seeing yours and the benefits is a great thing for other people.

You’re clearly a great person because you’re wanting to do something fundamental like this and you’re doing it not just for yourself but for your parents. I can tell you I’m not as good a person as that! Good on you :)
 
@pokerking Okay first of all, you can't make someone lose weight. They have to chose it for themselves.

Second, r/loseit will have some good tips.

And third, my parents each lost around 100lbs each in their mid-late 40s. They went for a 1/2 hour walk every day (as fast as possible without jogging or running). And they made a plan with their doctor on how to eat better. This is their best bet. An actual doctor can make a real plan and do check ups and keep their diet custom to them. Plus a doctor is cheaper than a nutritionist (most places?).

Also asking them to buy you healthier food might help. If you're making it or even if they're making it for you then it might help them reflect on their own diets.

Seriously though, 1/2 walk per day, cut soda and junk food, don't go to restaurants, eat mostly vegetables, fruit, and lean meat. Carbs are fine but they're often high in calorie and protein is what keeps people feeling full longer.
 
@pokerking 14 is an awesome age to be for this honestly - you’re a young teenager, and your parents are going to be more in tune and interested in what you want to do and especially when you want to do it with them! Cooking, hiking, maybe a fun run, look around for things you might enjoy with them.

My parents were overweight most of my life, but in the last few years they’ve really spent time on it. I think watching their parents and other family get old and watching how much being old and fat is really eye opening. They also had more time when I was out of the house to prep meals they like (sorry not sorry I hate salmon!).
 
@pokerking Used to be really obese when I was 16, weighting at 120kg. What I did was I lessen about half the amount of food I consumed and LOTS of exercise, almost all night but that's just me wanting to lose weight before.

As someone who love fitness and nutrition, I'll share my 2 cents.

What I would suggest is either:
1.) Add in exercises for them but have them eat whatever they want. The point here is to make it a habit (maybe a month or two) for them to get used to. Then slowly changing their eating habit (note that I didn't say diet)

OR

2.) Change their eating habit. Same reason as 1, changing their habit so they wouldn't feel like a chore, work or think "it's too many things for me to do" . Then slowly starts with gyming after.

For eating habit, it might be slow process (or fast) depending on their willingness. You can ask (or help) them to have a healthy meal during the weekend then slowly changing it to daily basis, or to have a healthy breakfast or dinner everyday. Healthy lunch once in a week doesn't sound bad too.

Try to find activities that they love or can do as a family activity during the weekend too. That might help them to start moving.

I don't think you'll need them to count calories unless they really want to know how much they're consuming for their body. I would suggest eating healthily would be good enough, like cutting food portion into half and maintain that amount until, more or less, 6 months and see how it goes. Don't forget to add in more veggies as it helps with feeling full. If they're hungry, have a light snack like nuts, sandwich, fruits, etc.

It doesn't hurt to let them eat freely for one day of the weekend like ice creams, donuts, fried food, waffles, etc. We don't want to have them go into a yo-yo diet too!

Please do guide them patiently as this will be their lifestyle, not a diet for only a couple of months or years. I would like to see your parents walk happily when they're older too.

Good luck and mad respect for you girl!
 
@pokerking I try to encourage my mum to eat healthier by cooking her healthy meals that aren't too far from what she would normally eat - like a healthy stew, chilli, curry etc. to show her that it doesn't have to be super complicated and she can find ways to like vegetables! I know you're only 14 but maybe if you occasionally find a recipe that could be nice and healthy and not tooo far out of their comfort zone, that could help them see it as less daunting.
 
@pokerking It’s wonderful that you care about your parents this much. I want to give you a word of warning as a now 27 year old who grew up with unhealthy and obese parents. My mother dieted unsuccessfully my entire life and she gave me a really messed up relationship with food that I am still working to recover from. It seems like you have a lot of insight for a 14 year old and I would just hope that you use some of that for self-preservation.
 
@pokerking You obviously love your parents, and don’t want to lose them. My daughter was in a similar situation as you two years ago. But, there wasn’t anything she did directly that helped me lose weight. She tried encouraging me to exercise, and avoid sugar, but I just found it irritating.

I took it upon myself when I was ready. I went to the gym, started working with a trainer, and made gradual changes to my diet. I lost 50 pounds in six months, and have kept it off for a year.

In my opinion, the most effective thing you can do to influence your parents is to set a great example. Stay physically active, and eat lots of vegetables and healthy protein. Stay away from sweets and white carbs like bread, pasta, and crackers. Sodas and chips too.

The other thing you can do is express your love directly, as well as your fear of losing them. They may be motivated by their concern for your well-being.

But the most important thing is to take care of your health now, so you can avoid developing the same problems your parents have.
 
@pokerking When I was in 5th grade my dad had a heart attack. He needed some serious surgery. He was the ‘breadwinner’ and the only one that spoke English. He was like the go between in all things, so during his long recovery we all strapped in, my mom literally relied on pictures of the foods he could eat. We bought what was approved, she learned to cook it the way it needed to be cooked. My dad lived a long life because we made all the changes. We did it as a family. I guess the crux of what I’m saying is: you all need to be on board.
 
@pokerking This is so great of you!!!

If your parents have never been much into physical activity and have never paid much mind at all into nutrition, I definitely recommend focusing on getting eating under control first. If both activity and watching what you eat/getting on a diet plan can be achieved at once - awesome! But I know it can get overwhelming for some people - myself included! When I had to get back on the bandwagon and get my diet under control after getting too comfy in an office job, I made the conscious decision to put weight lifting as a lower priority and focus on eating well. I have a high stress job and trying to balance all of it often lead to me getting overhand and binge eating due to stress. Focusing on counting calories and eating right plus getting a head start on weight loss made it easier on me personally. Just wanted to point this out — physical activity is very important to overall health but weight loss can be achieved without exercise. You can also check out r/loseit as a good source for weight loss tips!

Again this is so awesome of you. I wish I could do this for my mom but she’s been unable to really stick to anything, unfortunately, but hopefully you comeback with a happy update post one day and maybe I’ll be able to get my mom back on track too!! Good luck :)
 
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