How do I stop feeling bad as black girl about no longer being ‘thicc’, partying, drinking, etc?

[oikonomia]

@unrepentantunforgiven I think a lot of people in all different races relate to the body issue thing, of like how people in your race usually look. That’s great you’ve found a way to distance yourself from the expectations it’s easy to say you want to but it can be hard to implement

for the friend transition, I agree that I definitely need to meet more people with similar interests. My friends that party do have other interests too, I still go out to eat or to the movies with some of them. But the vast majority of the things they do is partying and all, so when I see all that is when I get FOMO.

When I go out to dinner or important places I still do like full face makeup, I just don’t wear full face makeup everywhere anymore like some of my friends do

I still have one or two drinks, especially if I’m out at an event or dinner for something special, I just don’t get drunk anymore to the point where I would get a headache later

So I think I have kind of found my halfway point, I just need to meet more people with more similar interests now, and be more content with the life I want to live

Thank you so much

 

[lady_pritimah]

@oikonomia Get rid of insta!

 

[zakknight]

@lady_pritimah Or, at the very least, stop following pages that make you feel like shit.

 

[caradavina]

@oikonomia I don't wanna sound condescending but it sounds like you matured and found out how to be happy long term. A lot of people never figure it out.

 

[oikonomia]

@caradavina This isn’t condescending at all, thank you!

 

[dawn16]

@oikonomia Most of my friends party a lot and I just stopped going with them. They usually ask me out and I do get FOMO when they talk about it but I can’r relate. I think for me it’s more important that I stick to my goal which is drinking less and being more active. I used to be hungover over the weekend that I can’t do anything but stay in bed and that’s not healthy at all! Sometimes you have to make choices and stick with it even though it can get difficult cause in the long run it’s what’s best for you.

 

[mabris]

@oikonomia Well I’m trying to make the progress you made but I say one thing that may help is finding friends like you? I’ve made good friends w my old trainers and gym friends and they’re super positive unlike my old toxic friendships. I didn’t know friendships existed w/o taking lows blows at each other until i meet them. Now I barely speak to my old friends.

 

[kendal411]

@oikonomia Congratulations, you’ve turned into a well-functioning adult!

I also used to be an instagram model (“thicc” too), but then I lost weight, started working out, limited my social media, and started taking care of myself and my life. Sometimes I felt bored or jealous of my friends who were still “living it up” but what were all those parties really for? How much did I really get done or do for myself after endless nights of drinking? How many genuine connections did I really make when I was like that? I think we experience a sense of loss (of our youth, or the fun/dumb years) but you’ve gained so much more! Stop worrying about portraying something you used to be and embrace the awesome person you are!

 

[nomz84]

@kendal411 This is so true. What do we really get out of partying? What was the end result? It’s like we are always chasing an illusory idea of a good time, but reality is always different than how we think it will be.

 

[oikonomia]

@kendal411 Thank you! I totally agree, I know there’s nothing I’d be gaining from doing all that, and there’s a lot I’m gaining now

 

[jlynns456]

@oikonomia I understand how you feel. I actually disabled my Instagram account and have been able to focus on my goals and myself more as strange as that sounds. If I ever want to reactivate it I can, but I don’t see myself doing that any time soon. I recommend trying this for at least two weeks and seeing how you feel. I also mostly use text and facebook messenger now to talk to friends. I used to use instagram DM a lot but obviously no longer do. Good luck! This lifestyle is healthier honestly imo.

 

[oikonomia]

@jlynns456 Thank you! I am going to try and take a break from Instagram

 

[oseas]

@oikonomia I am NOT an authority on black girl culture, but as an outside observer, I just wonder -- who says you have to be a certain way as a black girl? "Black girl" isn't a monolith any more than, say, "white girl," or "Asian boy." You are a black girl by being black and identifying as female, and the rest of what that means is only up to you. Sounds like maybe you miss parts of your old life, though, and I wonder if it's not the connection of common activities with your friends you miss -- as opposed to the nightlife, drinking, being ~thicc etc.

 

[outpouring]

@oikonomia As a half-Black girl who has never been thick in her life, I feel you. I spent my formative years in Mississauga too (I creeped your post history, I'm a UTM alumni!!) and felt like there was definitely an ideal black girl mold there that I did not fill. I was skinny af and absolutely not a bad bitch lol. Funny enough, being at UTM kind of helped me with my identity crisis. I felt like I was exposed to so many people from different walks of life and felt a lot less pressure to look or be certain way.

I agree with the other posters in that you are definitely maturing, earlier than most. I was very much still getting fucked up and liking it at 20. It's amazing that you're doing what is good for your body and health already. Chances are, a lot of your friends who are partying hard now will probably move toward a similar lifestyle as you in the next five years or so. In the meantime, I would suggest just working toward bettering your mental and physical health. Pop into the Women's Centre and see if there are any counseling resources available to you. It can be so helpful to have someone lend an impartial ear.

 

[oikonomia]

@outpouring I agree about UTM helping too! I’ve made friends there that are all different kinds of people, and I don’t feel any kind of way about myself around them at all.

The problem was more on Instagram, where the vast majority of people I follow are my friends that are the bad bitch type

I’ve thought about going to the counselling centre, but I wasn’t sure if it’s a serious enough issue.

Thank you so much for your advice, it’s nice to hear from another UTM student

 

[outpouring]

@oikonomia It is so hard to stop comparing ourselves to others, especially on social media. I have a difficult time with it too, even though I'm almost ten years older than you lol. It always seems like everyone is traveling, buying beautiful homes, etc. I just remind myself that even what I post are just highlights of my life, photos of when I'm looking my best, doing cool stuff, etc. and that goes for most people as well. I think temporarily muting the people who make you feel lesser can help if you don't want to completely stop using IG.

As for pursuing counseling, you are paying for it through your student fees, so you should 100% take advantage of the resource! There is no such thing as "serious enough" so pelase take care of your mental well-being.

Best of luck at UTM (and with POL113, do you have Lippincott??), enjoy it! I have great memories and met my now husband there

 

[gr3g]

@oikonomia Im deal with this in some ways. No matter what, what matters is your inner peace. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. People can change, people grow out of things and phases. It's ok to change.

 

[ashish_nanda]

@oikonomia I went through this between the ages of 23-25, 28 now. You’ve outgrown the false flattery and all. It’s okay. Work on connecting with people with similar interests. Try meetup.

Going out is now so miserable to me. I’ll humor my friends now and then but I don’t have fun and am usually the first to leave. Overall happiness is higher and more stable - whereas the rollercoaster of selfies and getting hit on and being drunk and fun and waking up to embarrassment or a hangover is just not the same.

If you crave that sense of community that comes with IG likes and guys complimenting you, try out the fitness community. It’s as big as the... I don’t know what to call the other thing. You can still show off your curves and feel pretty.

 

[oikonomia]

@ashish_nanda Thank you! You’re right, since I changed my lifestyle I feel happy more often than I did before, and I have more energy and I’m able to get more done

It’s not even that I miss the community or guys complimenting me, it’s just feeling bad that I don’t want that anymore. Not sure if that makes sense lol

 

[ashish_nanda]

@oikonomia It makes sense. When your priorities shift dramatically you’ll have some backlash. Your brain is used to this thing being so important and suddenly it isn’t - and that’s confusing. Just give it time.