Husband and I (34/m&f) are just starting. Advice?

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rawscot

New member
So my husband (5'3/172lbs) and I (5'6/245lbs) are both 34. My husband just got a reality check from his doctor regarding fitness and cholesterol and I am much bigger and unfit so we're both taking the doctor's advice to heart.

No more eating out, no more drinking, calorie counting, eating healthy meals, smart desserts from fruit and the like. Things like that. I've gotten a standing desk for me while I work from home and my husband has a warehouse job where he stands all day. So we're not sitting while we work but I know that doesn't really mean much if you're not moving around.

So, our main hang up is exercise.

He wants to get a treadmill, yes we could walk outside but our neighborhood isn't always the safest, we also live in Florida and the humidity gets to dangerous levels in the summer at least for us. I don't mind the treadmill but I have a bad hip and bad knees (probably mostly from my weight) and so I can't get a full cardio spike from it since I have to take it easy. Also we don't have a whole hell of a lot of room for a bulky exercise machine.

I suggested maybe getting a Nintendo Switch and the Ring Fit game and using that for our exercise since I've read good things about it. But he thinks the temptation to not use it would be too great and the bulky exercise machine would be a looming presence to remind us to workout. But we've done the classic buy fitness equipment and then use it to hang laundry on before so I don't think it'll make much of a difference.

They're also both expensive so it's not like we could do both.

I've done fitness videos before but my god do I hate every single 'host' of every fitness video I've come across. No offence to them of course but I'm an angry fatty when I exercise and don't need someone giving me empty motivation while I sweat into my carpet.

Anyway, part rant part question; where should we start, really? What would you suggest we try to keep us going? I don't know, I've tried to lose this weight my whole life, I've been overweight since I was a child due to bad parenting choices so I feel like it's pointless on my end, my husband, whenever he really buckles down and starts focusing it feels like the weight just falls off him as well. I don't want to compare myself to him because I know physiologically we aren't the same but it's hard.

Just any advice would be wonderful, thank you for taking the time.
 
@rawscot Honestly, I think you should reel it back. Start smaller. Make small changes one by one, not all at once as you've mentioned. Change comes from habit stacking.

The longest lasting results come from consistency over time. This means being realistic with lifestyle changes you can maintain forever.

Sure, eat out less. Be mindful of your food choices. Perhaps you pick a protein target. A good place to start instead of calorie counting is to just try to get in 100 grams of protein daily, and set a water target as well.

As for exercise, the best and cheapest is just to walk outside to start. No need for long walks.. how about 3x 15 minute walks daily? Even in stifling heat you should be able to manage that.

Once you start to feel comfortable with the changes, then slowly add another positive habit. Notice how I say ADD? Restriction rarely works for anyone! By adding positive changes, the negative habits slowly melt away, as do the pounds.
 
@truthseeker615 Thank you for the advice.

I've been calorie counting on and off for a couple years, lost about 20 pounds doing it but then got annoyed about doing it and stopped but I didn't gain that weight back so there's that.

So yeah you're right, consistency is my struggle for sure. I'll start smaller walks to start.

Thanks again.
 
@rawscot I can save you $20 and basically say no one's too old to lift weights and that doing so has significant health benefits! Those weights can be body weights or things you already have around the house. Just have to start somewhere and stick with it.

It's about diet more than exercise. The exercise doesn't have to be extreme or involve expensive equipment. Just commitment.
 
@rawscot There are a million ways to diet and exercise, first of all. And all of them work. Really, basically all of them work. Keto, paleo, atkins, weightwatchers, P90x, insanity, Starting Strength, regular old sport, swimming, just cutting out the snacks, flexible dieting, intermittent fasting...all of these regimens and strategies work for somebody. The trick is that only a couple of them will work for you.

This is because the thing that holds people back from making long term fitness progress is adherence - or lack of. Every diet works, but also every diet has people giving up the diet. It doesn't matter what you can do for the next 3 months. What can you do for the next 30 years?

As the other guy said, it's good that you want to make changes, but going full monk-mode probably won't work. As soon as your motivation runs out and you have a bad day you'll be back to old habits.

I'm a big fan of finding exercise you actually enjoy. You'll adhere to it better that way and stay more consistent.

Similarly, build up positive eating habits you enjoy that are healthier. Nobody enjoys eating chicken and broccoli every day. On the other hand, I really enjoy all the savoury food I can eat now that I don't eat so many sugary chips, chocolate and soda.

I'm not sure I like your husbands treadmill idea because it sounds like he actually hates it and he'll be battling against it every day. If you're coming at exercise as something you hate then it's gonna be hard to stick to in the long run. Unless you can walk on it and watch tv or something.

Sorry if this is vague, but the point is clear: you need to build healthier lifestyle habits (both in terms of movement and nutrition) that you enjoy and can stick to. There's no successful way to just hate your way through all of this in life. The people who do that stuff actually just love the masochism aspect of it.

One more thing. You and your husband don't have to do the same thing. My ex and I managed to lose weight together on totally different diets. I stuck to one meal a day, she had 6 meals a day. We both lost weight at about the same pace. We just preferred different strategies: I liked one big satisfying meal and didn't deal with hunger pangs that way. She needed small meals throughout the day for the same thing. So do what works for you both.
 
@rawscot P.s. you might find this video helpful. "How to get fit in your 30s (the easy way):


I'm not affiliated with this guy at all, but I just thought it was a nice distillation of the points I was trying to make earlier.
 
@rawscot I’m also in Florida. Exercise early in the morning, once light hits but before the sun is fully up. 6am-6:30 right now. Walk, jog, run. Start as small as you need but be dedicated and consistent.
 
@rawscot Don’t think anyone has mentioned it. Instead of a treadmill why not get a home trainer. Cycling is actually good if you have bad knees. It also takes less space than a treadmill. Maybe get 2 since if you have the space so you can exercise together and motivate each other.
 
@rawscot

My wife and I did this every other day. Only did 8 reps for the full pyramid then switched to 5-10-5 Bought some cheap kettlebells from Kmart. I'd do a set she'd do a set.
Took a while till we could get up to 8 reps. Then back down to 1.
Week One up to 6-7.
Week Two up to 8.
Week three up to 8 6,4,2.
Week four do the whole thing.
Also skipped the renegade rows and just did normal rows due to our sports dyslexia.

After a while started doing 5-10-5. Took just under 30 min.

I ended up buying the program and the diet was very good. Simple. Easy. Could have worked it out from the free stuff and videos though.

I used 12kg kettlebells and she used 6kg.

We've moved on to other kettlebell programs with heavier kB since then. Effective tools for getting in shape.
 
@rawscot
I suggested maybe getting a Nintendo Switch and the Ring Fit game and using that for our exercise since I've read good things about it. But he thinks the temptation to not use it would be too great
Click to expand...

I'm not sure how ring fit stacks up but if you think that gaming the calories off would be something you would actually do I would be more inclined to suggest something like a VR HMD and Beat Saber or something of the likes. I've got a dedicated bike and definitely use it to catch up on shows and will kill some calories at a faster rate than playing Beat Saber (as compared with my not so scientific Fitbit) but when it comes to Beat Saber it's easy to forget that you are getting a fairly decent workout on hard/expert and it's just as easy to play for hours working to get better, etc.

I will also say the idea of a "looming" piece of equipment can quickly turn into a coat rack so if you decide on a piece of equipment I would be doing your best to test it out before taking it home or buying used to lessen the sting on price.
 
@rawscot Spin bike. Low impact. Suitable for any fitness level. Get one with smart features like the Echelon (or Peloton if you want to spend the $$$) and you can take classes.
 
@rawscot
the bulky exercise machine would be a looming presence to remind us to workout.
Click to expand...

If this happens you are the exception, not the rule. Most people who buy treadmills etc... have them just collecting dust within a year or less if they started off sedentary.

I highly recommend against newbies to start working out from home, you have no idea what works for you and what doesn't yet and what you like vs. what you don't like. Get a membership to a gym, and start there. Try CrossFit, spin class, Orange Theory and/or whatever else is near you so you have a baseline understanding of how these things feel before you make a big investment. There's also the community aspect in a lot of those places which can be a huge motivator.

I do think the Wii is a great start though since it's not a huge investment and it's fun. It actually kind of got the fitness ball rolling again for me in my 20's, that was like ~15 years ago and I'm sure the games now are way more fun/engaging.
 
@rawscot I’ve owned a treadmill, elliptical, and spin bike. I also have a dog (outside walks). Here’s my perspective:
  1. Walking the dog is a pain in my ass. It’s hot (or snowing), I get sweaty, I have to wave at neighbors and look mildly presentable. I still do this every day because I love my dog, but 70% of the year it’s miserable with my local weather.
  2. Treadmill - On one hand, great for starting small. This would be excellent for walks! Especially inclined walks. It’s nice for walking while watching TV, playing on your phone, etc. I DO NOT RECOMMEND trying to run right off the bat. If your bones/joints/body isn’t used to it, you can really injure yourself. When I wanted to lose 35lbs I thought I could run like I did years prior, and I gave myself super painful shin splints. 0/10. So if you want an easy, often, light workout, treadmill is great.
  3. Elliptical - love it. It’s a behemoth, but soooo much better on the joints. This is my favorite type of cardio (besides swimming), but right now we don’t have the space in our house for one. You can go hard or slow.
  4. Spin bike - my husband is obsessed. He set up a tall table to play computer games while he bikes. He does spin class videos, it’s good on the joints, it’s a small foot print in our small house. Just personal preference, I prefer the elliptical. I like being upright, not seated. I like using my arms more. Etc. however, I’m glad I have something to mindlessly do while I watch tv or play on my phone.
Overall, IMO an imperfect cardio machine is still better than none, for me at least!
 
@rawscot
Anyway, part rant part question; where should we start, really? What would you suggest we try to keep us going? I don't know, I've tried to lose this weight my whole life, I've been overweight since I was a child due to bad parenting choices so I feel like it's pointless on my end, my husband, whenever he really buckles down and starts focusing it feels like the weight just falls off him as well. I don't want to compare myself to him because I know physiologically we aren't the same but it's hard.
Click to expand...

No, you're not the same, but you're both subject to CICO. If you want to lose weight, you have to make sure that you're in a calorie deficit.

You should be careful with exercise. To be blunt, you are massively overweight, and you need to be careful with it. Take exercise gently at first, and concentrate on lowering your weight first and foremost.
 
@leeza That much I know, yes. Thank you for the word of caution, I will take it slow. I think my husband and I are going to go the bike route for now, save my knees and hips from further damage then reassess once we feel like it's no longer challenging.
 
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