I [18F] kinda dislike going to the gym and being active and I don’t know how to fix it

@anylene fwiw, I hated the gym a lot less after losing weight. besides the mental aspect, it's just physically uncomfortable and even painful sometimes to exert yourself if you're carrying more than a few pounds of excess fat. bending over sucks, squatting sucks, anything that squished my belly fat would in turn push on my organs and make it hard to breathe. anything high-impact would hurt not my boobs, which were locked down pretty well, but my stomach and thighs and butt. I'd tire out much faster too, because almost everything you try to do is more difficult when you're carrying extra weight. it'd be like a low-body-fat person wearing a weight vest.

I quit the gym for other reasons but now that I'm back at a lower weight, it's remarkable how much easier almost every exercise is.
 
@anylene I avoided the gym for the same reason. Took up pole as a way to exercise and found out i really really love this activity. Realized that I need strength to be better and to pull off certain tricks and that gave me the push I needed to start going to the gym. I'm not as consistent as I'd like but it's way better than bed rotting 24/7.
 
@anylene What significantly improved my time at the gym was how I perceived what the gym was doing for me. I grew up with an almond mom, but she never pushed that lifestyle on to me directly. I mostly watched her count calories, go the gym, be obsessive about what she was eating, writing everything down, very disordered eating, fad and yoyo diets, etc. Oddly enough, she knew me well enough to not suggest I eat almonds because I don’t care for them much. But I do remember drinking her slim fast shakes as a young young girl because I thought they tasted so good. Don’t get me wrong, she tore down my physical appearance very insidiously throughout my life but I never thought I internalized it that much. I only really remember like a few times she made a comment about my appearance, and it was a lot of comments about how I didn’t look clean enough, not really about my weight.

And when I started down that same path as a young woman, because that’s all I knew growing up, I immediately knew I was in danger and I consciously had to do decide where I wanted to go, because I was at risk of becoming that almond person myself. I threw away my scale. I stopped measuring weights of foods to get the most accurate protein or caloric count. I try to be reasonable about what I eat, doesn’t always work. And I really had to redefine what the gym was for me, because I also hated it. I hated it because I was so focused on results and physical changes and things I could immediately measure and count and observe. When I started focusing on how my body felt and how I felt in general, meaning my mental health, I found more enjoyment in going to the gym. Because now I actually feel good rather than looking good. Don’t get me wrong, looking good is great and all, I’m sure. But I know I’m not going to look this way 30 years from now, so it’s just not sustainable long term.

I know this isn’t exactly what you’re looking for, but it really helped me to build a better relationship with the gym. And I had to at first make the choice to do this before it became just a habit. I had to build the neural connections in my brain to focus on this somewhat seemingly insignificant thing. It was a fight to not become my mother. I can’t say for certain what the gym meant for my mom throughout her life but I do know as of now, it’s about losing weight. She’s like close to 70 and still obsessed about it. Nah, no thanks, that’s a long time to hate something about myself. I’m not saying that’s your perspective by any means, but,

TL;DR: a change in perspective helped me.
 
@anylene I HATE going to the gym and I’m on my 20th year as a personal trainer. I own my own gym. I grew up playing sports in high school and college. I’ve always been strong, I’ve always been in great shape and I don’t know what it’s like to not have visible abs.

But there’s nothing I dread more than driving to the gym and breaking a sweat or exerting the effort it takes to do a set of heavy squats. I’ve never enjoyed it and it’s never gotten easier. I hate the fact that I have to do this shit every day for the rest of my life.

Here’s the thing though, I’m 40 and I look better now than I did at 25. I look better than all my friends. Most people guess that I’m 5-10 years younger than I actually am.

That’s my motivation to do it every day. You probably need more than a couple months to see noticeable changes but the changes you’ll inevitably see are worth it.

Stop comparing yourself to people you see online. It’s probably not real and it’s definitely not fair to yourself.

My suggestion is to find something, anything, you like about the gym and focus on that. Make the gym a habit. Get a proper program and follow it. Set realistic, tangible goals and use those for more motivation.

Also, remember that most of your results are gonna come from your diet. I’m not a dietitian so don’t take this as gospel, but try to make sure you’re hitting your protein goals and getting plenty of veggies at each meal.

EDIT: I just checked out your profile. Don’t feel dumb going to the gym. Everyone starts somewhere and nobody’s judging you as long as you’re not being an idiot. I’d try to stick to machines since they’re easy to set up and hard to do wrong. Once you build up your confidence, you can experiment with free weights. I’d be happy to help you with that.

ALSO, the best exercise is the exercise you enjoy doing. Sign up for ballet!
 
@mamazluv I'm in the same boat. I hate lifting, I hate going to the gym, I hate running. But I do like the fact that I am 52 years old and get guessed regularly in my early to mid 30s, have incredibly strong bones and really good muscle mass, and love that I can do the rest of the activities I like to do (rock climb, gravel bike, and backpack/ hike), and should be able to continue to them for a very long time, because I do the things I don't like to do.

My other motivation is I've seen how some of my relatives, especially my elderly mom, who didn't strength train or stay active as they got older,spent the end of their life, and I'm going to do everything I can to not go out that way.

I treat my workouts just like I do paying my bills and brushing my teeth: It's all a big pain in the butt, but the cost of not doing it is much worse than the cost of doing it. And that's my motivation.

If you can find an activity that you love that you can do enough to meet your goals, that's amazing, definitely do that. Some people do very well with that. For me, that has never really worked because I can't do the activities that I really love quite often enough to make that work for my goals (especially in crappy weather). I think it's important to know that you don't have to love going to the gym or doing other kinds of activities to meet your goals. It can be done by building the habit of going to the gym (or doing whatever workout you're deciding to do from YouTube/ at home gym, etc) and thinking of it as just part of what you do in the same way that you do other tasks that you might not like, but need to do.

Hopefully that helps!

Edit: spelling. I'm on mobile and apparently stink at using my phone.
 
@mollyincasting Honestly yes. I train all college-aged girls. Seeing how hard these girls push themselves definitely helps when it comes time to push myself. For those of us that struggle to enjoy working out, we need to get creative with our motivation.

Sometimes when I workout I think of my clients. Last week there was a blind guy in the gym running on a treadmill. Yesterday I was really not feeling it, scrolling through Instagram between sets and this reel of a girl with cerebral palsy popped up in my feed. I had to do my squats fighting back tears but if that isn’t motivation, I don’t know what is.
 
@anylene I hated the gym and working out until I found rock climbing. Now it’s a fun activity instead of a chore. I also started strength training because the workouts are short: if your goal is strength the sets can be as little as 3x5 reps.
 
@anylene Find a physical activity that you enjoy doing - zumba, hiking, swimming, tumbling, ultimate frisbee, Pilates, riverdance, exercising the dogs at your local animal shelter - lifting is great but not the end all/be all of fitness.
 
@ivyt85 Same:') Making priorities is hard, but for now, I'll keep experimenting and then keep doing what I like most

It's so weird, I'm mediocre at so many things but have nothing where I'm actually good at (I'd need to train consistently, but again, idk what to focus on).

I could rule out
- martial arts (it's good for self defense, but I'm uncomfortable with that much physical contact on a regular basis)
- trampoline (I can learn flips in parkour training instead, plus they aren't as strict about my piercings there)

I know I love swimming, would never quit that, I just take breaks (restarting in May)
 
@anylene I really hate the process of going to the gym so I run outside or do a youtube workout. Fitness Blender, Sean Vogue, Yoga with Adriene, there are so many great channels for free. Not sure if this would help at all but if you find any of your mental barriers are related to the huge time suck of going there, getting dressed, being seen by other humans then you might like working out in the comfort of your room. If space is tight I know that can suck but to me it’s worth it to not be around people when I’m working out.
 
@anylene The main way you're going to lose fat or change your physique is by modifying your diet. Increasing your protein intake can help build muscle and therefore burn fat faster. Gradually lower your daily caloric intake (slowly so you don't shock your system) and use an app like MyFitnessPal to track everything you eat. Seek out a nutrition coach if you can afford it. If you don't like going to the gym that often, take long daily walks (5-8k steps) and listen to music or an audiobook, or just zone out and meditate. Find additional activities that get you moving in a way you personally enjoy, like dance, kickboxing, cycling, etc. There's something out there for everyone.
 
@anylene I go to the gym to show off, and that's partly my motivation. If you lack motivation, you may want to find other activities to do at the gym just to prevent you from thinking of it as a boring/mundane job.
 
@anylene I think there are two things in your post: one about losing weight and one about the exercise part. Please correct me if I'm wrong. With regards to losing weight, a lot of it comes down to nutrition. Not sure how that is for you, seeing you had some disordered eating behaviour. I have tried to adjust my eating by focusing less on 'taking away' and more on 'adding in'. So I am personally not cutting out snacks or sugar (I try to be mindful of it and not just eat because I'm bored). I'm also trying to add veggies to every lunch and dinner. I also add protein to my breakfast, lunch and dinner.

With regards to exercise, I was able to stick to something (after lots of trial and error) once I found something I enjoyed doing. There are previous threads on this sub around what people like to do, like dancing, climbing, cycling, hiking, swimming, running in a group etc etc. I personally found weight lifting with a coach the thing that clicked for me. For cardio, I started with FitnessBlender as I had no endurance for something long and difficult. I did a lot of the cardio at home before I started feeling comfortable to attend classes that were cardio-focused (that was a goal of mine). I also really enjoy doing at home boxing workouts, they are so much fun for me.

Hope that helps! Best of luck!
 
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