@rang Do your friends do activities besides drinking? I have asked friends to do other things - go thrifting, see a movie, go to the farmers market, crafting, bowling, museum, hike, etc. I think people default to food and drink since it’s easy and people like it but just ask! They probably just didn’t think of something new to do. If they don’t want to do anything else (ask them about their hobbies if you don’t know) then you should def fine new friends lol.
@beblessedbylove Absolutely! It’s definitely a default and certainly during winter. I live in a windy west tx town, and you have to be a bit creative to find stuff during the winter months (and summer too). I think it’s a default too because we (my friends) are well into our 30s and some 40s. Dinner/drinks has always been an easier way to maintain those relationships. I need to be more proactive in identifying other things to do that hopefully we can all align on schedule-wise.
@rang I also have friends we mostly drink with. We go on bike rides with them when the weather allows, it's fun and low effort, can be paired with a lunch. Or some very easy hikes even in winter. When it's a drinking and eating thing, no one minds if I eat little and drink none, but that still means I go to sleep later of course.
@rang Yeaaah, I went full steam on it in 2020 since that was already going to be the case.
If it were not for my spouse needing someone to body-double to do fitness, I wonder if I could find anyone else to hang out with? Sometimes I can find someone else for biking or paddle boarding when the weather gets nice.
@rang I’ve been in a similar boat! I’ve cut out drinking for almost 2 years now, with very rare nights where I’ll drink with friends. I’m the default DD lately and even though it’s better for my health, dang is it lonely. I’m holding out hope that we’ll find our communities and adapt with the old ones eventually
@rang Is there a small gym nearby where you could become part of a fitness-minded community? None of my friends got into fitness until our mid-30s so I get it. After that, I became their go-to person whenever they had questions or were proud of themselves because they knew I'd get it.
Having people to shoot the shit with at the gym has made a difference over the years. We dont hang out outside of the gym but when I get the "hey haven't seen you in a few days, everything alright?" types of questions, and just chatting about life in our area (it's a neighborhood gym), it's uplifting and motivating. It sounds like something like that could be good for you. An online community is great but I prefer in-person.
@lily7 There’s absolutely gyms in my town! I was so worried that I wouldn’t work out if I tied it to a gym (because driving there after work is just a mental hurdle for me). I need to pick one and just pick one or two days to show up. We have a women’s only gym too. I’m definitely needing that in person experience.
@rang The older I’ve gotten, the more we have get togethers at each other’s houses from noon-9 pm or so. There are usually 5 of us or more that don’t drink. Our friend group is also big enough that we have a small fitness group chat where we share our goals and wins.
@rang This is why I make an effort to join group classes, I also invite my friends to do activities like pole dancing classes, dance classes, parkour classes, pickleball, etc.
I also have gym days with my friends as well. I don’t drink and I also go to bed pretty early.
@rang You’d be surprised how many people do not drink. Perhaps you should try expand your friend circle.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s an age thing, but drinking and going out late doesn’t make someone more “fun” or less boring than someone who doesn’t.
You can go out without drinking and still have fun socialising with your friends. If they have a problem with it, then that’s just trashy and you need new friends.
@rang I had to make new friends that enjoyed my new hobbies. I still love my less active friends I still see them and like being around them. We just are on different paths in life right now. I’m not a saint either I love French fries, cider beer, board games and binge watching Netflix all evening as much as the next nerd.
@rang I feel like I could’ve wrote this. A lot of the people who invite me to hang out are very extroverted, they also like to drink and are loud and for me - drinking doesn’t make me feel good at all. I have fibromyalgia and it’s a huge trigger when it comes to managing my symptoms so I just don’t. I get overstimulated by sound very easily as well so it’s easier for me to workout at home most days. But while I do enjoy how I manage my time/life it does feel very lonely at times
@rang I’ve gotten more into suggesting activities with friends, where the focus isn’t going out to eat and drink alcohol (not that it isn’t fun but I’m with you - don’t like it be a focus). For your more active friends, hiking, biking, kayaking, or even just going for a walk to get coffee are fun things to do.
Maybe look into joining a sport class, if you want to meet people through a “activity”environment. I love meeting people through those because than the focus is on the activity and not eating/drinking. Is there an activity or sport you’ve been wanting to learn?
@rang You can obviously have your alone time to work on your fitness and still go out and have a good time with friends. You don't have to drink to have fun.
@nomatterwhat I have plenty of fun not drinking. I didn’t mean to imply that in my post. I think it’s a bit more nuanced, and I might not have communicated that well.
I work remotely. Gonna need Tinder for friends!