@oikonomia I’m a little late to reply to this. But anyway. Give yourself a massive pat on the back. And a high five. And a cuddle. You turned your entire life around (not trying to slate the lifestyle you had previously!) in order to be true to yourself and live authentically to make YOU happy.
Sometimes our journey gets lonely or doubtful as we learn and grow, and this stops many people from taking the chance to expand. But no one ever learned and grew by chilling in their comfort zone.
A lot of people would be gassed to achieve half of the things you have. You’ve not only picked up some new healthy habits, but abandoned some less healthy ones too. You’ve shifted your social circles. You’ve learned to say No with your own best interests at heart. And the best part is you have done all this in a gracefully confident and humble way. That is... phenomenal. I’m proud of you.
@oikonomia I haven't personally dealt with this but I would like to say good for you for recognizing and making positive changes in your life. Remember you have a responsibility to take good care of yourself, mentally, physically, and emotionally, and sometimes in order to do that it means cutting out, getting rid of, or decreasing what we do or who we have contact with. Keep making the positive changes in your life. IMO it's more important to be truly happy with yourself than trying to create or support a image or lifestyle to show others.
@oikonomia I can also imagine that maybe you're struggling to fill a void -- it sounds like that part of your life took up quite a lot of headspace and you need something new to focus on. Cutting social media as others have suggested would help ease the transition so you're not constantly reminded, but you likely need to find a new social circle that's more aligned to your seeing movies / grabbing food / etc. off-camera
@oikonomia I stopped using instagram as much. I got a side account just to follow some photography/art accounts I like where I don't see anyone partying at the beach.
@oikonomia Have you considered using pole dance classes as a form of therapy as well as another aspect of fitness to explore. It's a very feminine focus and shows you how sexy your body is and ways to flaunt it. It's also a place where you can meet new people who are more like minded. The other nice thing is that it is very satisfying to see progress every single class. Maybe you won't have fully accomplished a new move, but you'll be a little closer each time. Instagram is a place where a lot of polers post, so you can follow new people and fill your Insta with something different while also posting a different sort of content.
Aerial, Lyra, and other forms of Dave could work too for example swing dashing is very athletic as you advance.
@oikonomia Sounds like you have definitely matured. No need to feel bad or feel as if you’re missing out. You’re prioritising what’s important to you now. At the end of the day, so what is best FOR YOU!
You have your fitness and health sorted, now it’s maybe time to have a bit of a social media “cleanse” like a few other people have already mentioned.
It’s only up from here. Good luck on your journey!
@oikonomia Honestly fuck Instagram. That shit will make you feel bad about yourself even when you are living your best life. You yourself know that you feel better with the lifestyle you have than what you used to. It’s fake af and your own happiness is way more important than your social media self!
@oikonomia Social media is so toxic. I think the pressure should be to be your best self, and not someone else's ideal of who you should be. The only reason to change it would be if it would make YOU happier to change it. Don't let yourself be defined by what you are "supposed" to be. You aren't "supposed" to be anything. Define yourself and own it!
I just kind of look at it like a phase of my life that was fun, but is in the past now (I’m 28). I’m glad I got to enjoy going out to bars and clubs and parties, but I know now that when I do that, I feel bad about myself the next day.
Yes I get fomo sometimes too, but I just try to remember that I am doing something for myself that is much better than what I used to be doing, and it’s going to benefit me for a lot longer than what my friends are doing.
@oikonomia Every time I evolve into a better me, there is a short period of time where I feel a little lost. A little uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable. You shed friends, old habits, routines. You have to create new ones. It’s a little work, but huge reward. Congrats on making moves to be more authentically you!
@oikonomia I feel like it's totally normal go become more health conscious when you start working out! Now that I've started going to the gym regularly I'm becoming so much more strict about what I put on my body and who I hang out with. I want to take care of myself inside and out!
@oikonomia Girl, as a Hispanic girl I feel you. It's like when I'm out with my Hispanic girlfriends, I'm invisible because I'm not thick and curvy, I'm just average/fit. I hate how the more fit I am, the more criticism I receive about how I should aim for getting a butt.
But I noticed a significant drop in my insecurities ince I got off Instagram. I kept the other ones, but man does Instagram just make me feel like shit.
@oikonomia Seriously, just be you. It's okay to be different, to live a healthy lifestyle, and not party all the time. Honestly it just sounds like you're growing up and out of the whole party scene. I was 26 when I started feeling truly grown up and no longer cared for being at parties all the time.
I would embrace the change and look for friends who live a similar lifestyle, maybe join a hiking/dancing/fitness group to find similar mindsets.
@oikonomia I understand the societal expectations but you are a human being and our bodies vary regardless of color. One of the women I admire the most at my own gym is black and is solid muscle. She isn't curvy or thicc but she's a pure badass. You'll attract like minded people, sometimes it just takes time.
It sounds like you're doing a great deal of personal growth and sometimes that requires shedding people who aren't willing to grow with you or cannot hold space for you to do so. Maybe be clear with your current friends that you're not about the party scene anymore and see if there are other activities you can do with them. Some of them won't be interested but some of them will.
@oikonomia Ah, I feel you on the body issue. I’m Asian so working out gives me curves that my Asian female friends don’t have. So it makes me an outlier in the opposite way haha. I just identify myself as a gym girl now so I don’t feel as affected by those race expectations.
I think you’re going through a friend transition phase where you need to find new friends that do stuff you like to do more to replace your old ones. Also, are you sure your old friends don’t have other interests than partying? So I personally party a lot but I have nonpartying friends that I hangout w that I shop and eat with instead. But I’d only keep in touch if they have a positive impact.
Going to the gym and wearing makeup... you should wear the amount you want! If you want to wear more then you should! No reason being fit means you should have more minimal makeup!
As for drinking, some people transition into a phase where they just have a drink or 2 but don’t get super drunk so they don’t get a hangover. This option could be explored so you could still hangout w people that drink. But if you get a headache and feel bad about it then don’t.
