I [18F] kinda dislike going to the gym and being active and I don’t know how to fix it

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anylene

New member
To start, I have never been the most athletic person. I was teased about my weight and athleticism, didn’t grow up playing sports and was quite uncoordinated when I attempted to. I was overweight as a child and was advised to make healthier choices per my doctor, which I did with the help of my parents. Anyways, when I entered high school, I became obsessed with weight loss and fell into disordered eating. It was never a full blown eating disorder but my family doctor and parents were very worried about my excessive weight loss, so I stopped counting calories and just went back to eating as usual.

Now, I’m in university and I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life at 175 lbs. I decided I would start going to the gym on New Year’s day and I’ve surprisingly stuck to it. I now go to the gym 4 times a week or least twice a week if the week gets hectic.

The problem is that I don’t like going to the gym at all. I go to my university’s gym early in the morning before classes just to get it over with. I also go with a friend (we both decided we wanted to get fit at the same time) but I feel guilty as she seems very dedicated to changing and I hate all of this on the inside. It’s been like 1-2 months of me trying to go to the gym consistently but I’m not seeing any changes. I’m still unbalanced, unfit, and I don’t feel the supposed mental clarity and productivity increase.

I know I’m not about to gain muscles in 2 weeks but all I’ve ever wanted was a nice body with the toned back and legs like the fit girls I see online. Hell, at this point I don’t even want muscles, I just want to be not fat. Nowadays I’m just going to gym just to say “yeah I go to the gym” and to feel ‘morally superior’ in a way, if you get what I mean. I feel bad for admitting this, but I tend to feel envious of people who actually enjoy any of this or who spent time playing sports in childhood as they’ve been predisposed to this type of activity. I wish I could enjoy exercising like them.

I’m sorry if this is not the place, but I just wanted to vent.

edit: This post received a lot more reception than I expected. I just finished uni classes for the day and I am still looking through all the replies. Thank you all who took the time to respond, I really appreciate it 😭🤍
 
@anylene Similar story, and for me it was exacerbated by my mother's own body image issues when I was in university. Spent most of my 20s being really self-conscious despite being "skinny" and working out at the gym. I'm in a happier state now having spent the last 3-4 years engaging in activities for the joy of them - yoga, pilates, dance fitness and HIIT. You're only 18, you have the rest of your life to invest in these activities if you want, it's not too late!
 
@anylene I also hated the gym because I hated the mental load of trying to figure out what to do (treadmill? elliptical? weights? IDK). I realized that I much much prefer classes and I stick to it much better if I have someone to follow/motivate me. I try to go in person to body pump or yoga classes at least 2x/week at my gym and in between I either take long walks or do exercise classes on apps on my phone (peloton, well beats, down dog app, yoga with Adriene). I just show up and follow along!

Also, echoing the other comments about therapy. I think it could be incredibly healing for you. You've got this
 
@anylene If weight loss is your goal, I would suggest that you prioritize having a healthy lower calorie diet because a healthy diet is the key to weight loss. You can lose weight from diet alone without working out (I lost 60 lbs that way), but it is difficult to impossible for most people to lose weight just from exercising.

In terms of not enjoying working out—I enjoy all forms of working out because I love endorphins so I’m probably not the best person to give advice. I would suggest trying different things—walking, yoga, swimming, Pilates, aerobic dance classes—whatever looks cool to you. Try an activity three or four times before deciding that something isn’t for you. The first time I did yoga I haaaated it, but after a few classes, I started to love it.

I will say that over time the parts of working out that feel sucky when you first begin become easier, and for me at least, the good feelings get better as I become able to handle tougher workouts. That being said, I have friends who hate working out, and just focus on maintaining a healthy diet.
 
@anylene It all starts with what you eat! Best decision I made as an adult was get my diet in check because when I was under my parents roof, well, let's just say she didn't really care (not in a bad way, just wasn't mindful) about my physical health.
 
@anylene What if I told you that you CAN get a nice body, toned back, legs, etc. without the gym?

Let’s get the shitty stuff out of the way: I’m not here to sell you an easy fix, a miracle pill, or a low or no effort way to become fit. That’s not how it’s done if you wanna do things right.

This is something I’ve been working on for several years. But I also wanted the same things as you and figured out I’m just not like my buddies who got off going to the gym for one reason or another. I devoted my efforts toward things I can use at home to reach the same goals: for me, that looks like a set of Bowflex dumbbells and a yoga mat. Dead fucking ass.

Buy things you’ll actually use, and go use them. Eat like you want to build muscle, have a vested interest, and give a shit. Eliminate your opportunities to make excuses with the things you WILL do.

That’s how I did it without a gym and you can too.
 
@ans123 The first 3 parts of your comment made it seem like you were quoting one of those random fitness program ads where they sell you a pamplet 😂
 
@anylene I feel exactly the same as i literally sit here and try to think of a reason to not go to the gym today. For one, my body hates me, i went through menopause at 16 and i am 40 now. I have thyroid disease which causes other problems as well. So with all of these things, i rarely feel like doing anything, hardly anything at all. I work and go home every single day. I just want to be at home. But i joined the gym a month ago because the conditions i have cause excessive weight gain every day and i am the heaviest i have ever been, twice your size. I hate it so much. It’s really hard to even force myself to be motivated. I know the motivation for not just come, you have to create it. I completely understand the feeling because i am in the same place mentally. Otherwise, i take care of myself, take supplements, eat healthy food, no junk, no soda, no alcohol, watch my blood pressure, etc. all of the things.
 
@anylene Friendly reminder that the gym is not the only place to get exercise! Finding an active hobby like rollerblading, dance classes, pickleball, etc. are awesome ways to burn calories while having fun!
 
@anylene I’ve never been skinny but when I was younger I didn’t have a lot of difficulty keeping the weight off because I did some dance. When I got out of college and especially when I started having kids it was so hard to keep from putting on the pounds, even when I went to the gym regularly. The problem was I hated exercising and I wasn’t careful with my food. My first step was finding a workout that I actually looked forward to. It took me a while but I found a group fitness class I absolutely loved and still love it 10 years later. Second (and harder) step was being more careful with what I hate. Strict diets don’t work for me, just a little bit of calorie counting, macro balancing, and going easy on portion size. Still not skinny, probably never will be, but I’m in decent shape for being in my 30s with three kids and I feel healthier.
 
@anylene first of all if 175 pounds is not fat. second, netflix shows on the treadmill is how i began my gym journey. just walking, sometimes on an incline i would watch like one 45 minute show then leave and i started seeing results after a couple of months but to see them sooner your diet will need to change too. NOT less calories or food, just healthier foods. like more protein and vegetables based meals and less carby ones. diets can be hard because i was in a similar boat with the eating and comparison thing, just remember that you deserve a treat also 😁 don’t know if that made any sense 😭😭
 
@anylene Energetic music or podcasts that you love that you only listen to at the gym helps. Get a new workout outfit. Hiring a personal trainer is also a great way to stay motivated and work out smarter not harder. If you hate the treadmill, try the stair-master or rowing . Try swimming or water aerobics. Dancing is a great way to get in shape. Find a new trail to walk by using AllTrails app.

Hope this helps!
 
@anylene As someone who goes the gym often, it’s difficult to stay committed over a long period of time, and easy to get overwhelmed at first - it’s taken me a long time to find what works best for me.

Most importantly, finding a way to make working out something you enjoy. In time I think you find it becomes its own reward - however certain aspects, like cardio for me, took a while to get fully into. It’s only after sustained effort that it’s now something I actively enjoy.

I also use my time at the gym to blast through audiobooks and podcasts - if I’m going to spend 1.5-2 hours there I may as well be combining it with something else I enjoy. Lastly, it’s also a bit of a social thing - I’ve not got much of a social life currently as I live a bit in the middle of nowhere and work from home, so the few regulars I do interact with at the gym are at least some human interaction 😅
 
@anylene You gotta find something you love! Swimming, biking, hiking, etc. I love @LiftwithCee on YouTube and swimming, hiking, etc. I kind of hate going to gym and this allows me to workout at home and I do it outside when it gets warmer!
 
@anylene While I was running today (which I honestly hate a lot, I’m literally only doing it because I made an agreement with myself to run a certain race every year) I was thinking about this exact topic. I’ve never been very athletic, I’ve always been the most mediocre player on any team I ever played for, and I’ve never excelled physically. And I think that convinced me that since I would never excel in that arena, then what the hell is the point? EXCEPT that doing the hard thing (whatever that is) when you’re not naturally good at it is actually way more impressive. I don’t need to love every moment or be the best on the team, and me doing it anyways actually makes me very impressive because I’m willing to suck at something for my health and happiness. Literally the hardest thing I’ve ever seen anyone do!!

Keep that in mind. We’re not all athletes and we don’t all need to love it above all else. And doing it even when you don’t love it above all else, makes you very impressive!
 
@anylene Hey! Its good to be young.
If I (39f) could go back in time to tell my 18yo self some things it would be try lots and lots of things and don’t worry about other people. It was an amazing day for feeling less self-conscious for me when I realized I didn’t matter to other people. No one was looking, caring or thinking about me for more than a second as a background character in their life.
Like many others on this thread, I like the heavy stuff and I think “cardio”mostly sucks (I do it sometimes for cross training, but I really don’t enjoy it usually).
I recently became interested in more functional stuff, so I’m working on Turkish get-ups and working my way towards pistol squats, which made me want to practice yoga. After that who knows what I’ll pick to test out?
Youtube can teach you so many things, but just try to experiment and see what is “fun” whether that running, tennis, cross-fit, kettlebells or jumprope, shadow boxing, yoga, primal movements, calisthenics, or whatever.
It’s your life and an endless experiment. It’s over when you die, no do-overs just course corrections along the way, reevaluate and then keep going when you want to make changes, or have “regrets”.
I would also tell 18yo me not to “diet” and just learn how to eat real, diverse, and nutritionally dense whole foods food. Diet mentality ruined my relationship with food for over a decade before I undid the mental fall out of what I should and shouldn’t eat learned from following all the popular and conflicting diet advice.
 
@anylene I'm 37F, and have been consistently going to the gym (specifically for weightlifting) for 2 years now this month. I restarted a fit lifestyle in October '21 initially ONLY for weight loss and I started with walking. I was the most out of shape I'd ever been, especially re cardio health. I looooove walking. To this day I prefer it to the gym even though I LOVE lifting. I've found ways to do bodyweight workouts on walks because they're my favorite. I can't say I get the mental clarity from the gym, but I absolutely do while walking. I had to work up to getting 10k steps per day-- I started with 2500, then went from there. There is no shame in starting low. Most people do not move enough. You are trying. If walking for leisure/fitness sounds like a viable idea to you and is a safe option for your area, maybe it'd be worth a try. If you have audio versions of some of your school readings available, that could be helpful (or you could listen to trash youtube drama videos like I do-- you do you). Once you get more advanced and more fit, there are things like rucksack vests and other weighted things you can incorporate. Some walking trails even have little fitness stations on them. Walking up a steep hill normally and backwards is also fun and will build muscle. Is Pokemon Go still a thing? I remember taking walks to hatch eggs lol.

If I could give 18 year old me any pointers it'd be to double if not triple the timeline expectations I had for reaching my goals. It takes a long time, and I think realistic goal setting is a skill in and of itself. There's also no shame in breaking down big goals into smaller mini-goals: Even earlier last year I had some wild ideas about PRs I could potentially get in the next 3 months lol. I'm still trying to get my first pull-up!

And I'm sorry but there's nothing wrong with feeling proud about going to the gym or otherwise working out. Consider it an investment in yourself that many, MANY people do not bother with.

Oh and idk what school you're attending, but my college and grad schools had the most amazing gym facilities that were built into the tuition. If that reflects your experience, enjoy those amenities while you can.

One more thing and I'll cut myself off: I sincerely regret not taking more before pics. You don't need to post them and none of mine have seen the light of day but...it is super motivating. Good luck! There are so many ways to be fit. I'm sure you'll find something that resonates.
 
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