@melodyonpoint Exactly 
play to your strengths.
play to your strengths.
Internalized misogyny and sports?
- Thread starter lorial
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- female fitness
@lorial I struggle with this as an AFAB nonbinary person.
I have always heavier and stronger than other girls my age, and while I was endlessly bullied about it growing up, it also made me happy in a bad way. Because weakness was seen as something inherently feminine in everyone's eyes.
Ugh, gender roles are such bs. The patriarchal brain worm is real and very hard to unlearn.
Now that I'm living my life as a transmasc person, what was once too much muscle is now not nearly enough to keep up. It makes me feel very dysphoric, but it also mad me realize that my confidence was not based on my own strength but rather on everyone else on my category being weak by comparison.
Sometimes I feel like I'm never gonna measure up against other men without going to the gym 6 times a week and deadlifting like my life depends on it. And even if I did that there's a little voice in the back of my head telling me it's hopeless without testosterone.
Which again, it's complete bs. Why am I comparing myself to these guys in the first place?
Masculinity exists on a spectrum, and I'm allowed to be a part of it without having to hit some imaginary milestone. Fitness journeys are different from everyone and having goals that defer from those of a bodybuilder does not make mine inferior, and having a female body does not change that.
I have always heavier and stronger than other girls my age, and while I was endlessly bullied about it growing up, it also made me happy in a bad way. Because weakness was seen as something inherently feminine in everyone's eyes.
Ugh, gender roles are such bs. The patriarchal brain worm is real and very hard to unlearn.
Now that I'm living my life as a transmasc person, what was once too much muscle is now not nearly enough to keep up. It makes me feel very dysphoric, but it also mad me realize that my confidence was not based on my own strength but rather on everyone else on my category being weak by comparison.
Sometimes I feel like I'm never gonna measure up against other men without going to the gym 6 times a week and deadlifting like my life depends on it. And even if I did that there's a little voice in the back of my head telling me it's hopeless without testosterone.
Which again, it's complete bs. Why am I comparing myself to these guys in the first place?
Masculinity exists on a spectrum, and I'm allowed to be a part of it without having to hit some imaginary milestone. Fitness journeys are different from everyone and having goals that defer from those of a bodybuilder does not make mine inferior, and having a female body does not change that.
@lorial I play a traditionally male-only team sport which has evolved into men/women/mixed team sport. While 99% of male teammates are stronger than female teammates and I, we win and lose as one, so the goal is to try our freaking best to gain strength and reduce load. There's no aesthetic involved which is nice
bauman1535
New member
@lorial My struggle has been having male coaches who know nothing about women runners. I was getting a pain and I asked how to tell if it's a stitch or if it's ovary pain... My male coach just made a funny face. The other women runners all gave me advice, which also included stretches and ideas that maybe the cramp is from carrying children on my hip on the one side and making things extra tight. When I was running slowly one day I said I was having pain from my period my coach suggested a muscle relaxer but also admitted he had no idea. As for comparing myself, I try to focus on women my own age, but I get an extra kick out of being faster than a man. When I race and pass men it feels more rewarding than passing a woman.
@bauman1535 You might enjoy the Valkyrie Project. It’s pretty cool they focus on those ebbs and flows of how hormones affect our muscles and they make training plans that go with the fluctuations.
bauman1535
New member
@bauman1535 yw! 
jamesknoke
New member
@lorial I've always been really competitive. I wanted to be able to lift more than someone else, run for longer than someone else, maybe even faster. And as a woman doing any sort of strength training in the gym, that turned into 'I have to be the best, the unicorn, the chick who is strong, not like other girls.'
This is obviously a stupid notion. I'm not in competition with other women. The only person I am in competition with is the person in the mirror, telling me I couldn't do it.
This is obviously a stupid notion. I'm not in competition with other women. The only person I am in competition with is the person in the mirror, telling me I couldn't do it.
colindominic
New member
@lorial My main workout method is aerial arts, and while most of my fellow students (along with the instructors) are women, we do have some male students. Now for me, aerial arts has been one giant exercise in learning how not to compare myself or my journey to anyone else. So I’m on the curvier end of the spectrum, and take forever to build strength, so I’ve been plodding my way up through the levels for years, sometimes having to bounce back down for a while because of injury. Every once in a while there’s a new student who just shoots up through the levels, and I get a small twinge of jealousy until I learn they were literally an NCAA-level gymnast until just recently.
However, many of the men who come through the studio also shoot up through the levels like crazy, either because they’re coming in with a level of strength already, or can just build it that much quicker. They’re also usually less flexible and because they can get themselves up into crazy silks wraps without fully understanding them, have more of a tendency to get tangled up and need rescuing. And they usually don’t know how to point their feet (which honestly is the worst crime of all /s).
What I’ve come to know, and see firsthand, is that all of us have our own strengths and weaknesses. We’re each on different points in our own journeys, and so to try and judge ourselves against anyone else is an exercise in futility. Life is so much more fun anyway when we can celebrate everyone’s achievements, no matter what level they’re at.
However, many of the men who come through the studio also shoot up through the levels like crazy, either because they’re coming in with a level of strength already, or can just build it that much quicker. They’re also usually less flexible and because they can get themselves up into crazy silks wraps without fully understanding them, have more of a tendency to get tangled up and need rescuing. And they usually don’t know how to point their feet (which honestly is the worst crime of all /s).
What I’ve come to know, and see firsthand, is that all of us have our own strengths and weaknesses. We’re each on different points in our own journeys, and so to try and judge ourselves against anyone else is an exercise in futility. Life is so much more fun anyway when we can celebrate everyone’s achievements, no matter what level they’re at.
fair2light
New member
@lorial I was just saying to someone the other day that the whole “women shouldn’t lift weights because they will get bulky” is 1) Complete bullshit. No one can accidentally grow muscles. It requires very hard work and lots of protein consumption. 2) Sounds like it was only meant to scare women into staying out of the weight room.
Since I started doing CrossFit in a woman-owned gym with at least 50% female coaches, all of that misogynistic BS has been replaced with me dying to tell people about my deadlift PR. That has its own downside
but I try to encourage young women to give it a try. The empowering feeling walking out after a good hard workout is a real mindset-shifter. Also, I am An Old, so it’s never too late.
Since I started doing CrossFit in a woman-owned gym with at least 50% female coaches, all of that misogynistic BS has been replaced with me dying to tell people about my deadlift PR. That has its own downside
but I try to encourage young women to give it a try. The empowering feeling walking out after a good hard workout is a real mindset-shifter. Also, I am An Old, so it’s never too late.@fair2light My mother's best friend has fibromyalgia and her gym reps are absolutely wild to see because she uses it to help with pain control, I'm always so impressed by her! That's the real difference I like in women's gyms, not necessarily the "presence of women per se" but the shift away from the competitive gender performance of mainstream gym culture.
fair2light
New member
@lorial I’m so happy for your mom’s BFF. Aside from the pain reduction, exercise has so many other benefits. Wish her the best for me
Also, If you find the right CrossFit gym, the community atmosphere and support is exactly the opposite of bro culture. My gym is very inclusive and I find suffering alongside everyone else makes it a little easier to tolerate.
Also, If you find the right CrossFit gym, the community atmosphere and support is exactly the opposite of bro culture. My gym is very inclusive and I find suffering alongside everyone else makes it a little easier to tolerate.
@fair2light This! I left working out at Globo Gyms because I was so tired of being harassed by men. I was hesitant to start Crossfit because I thought it was going to be the same, and it turned out to be the exact opposite.
katieheals
New member
@lorial I think, for me, it has been hard to appreciate the strength of my body because men find a muscular woman “intimidating.” I have literally heard men say this and I’ve always been a “bigger, more muscular” women. Why is it okay for men to get super muscular in the gym but women aren’t allowed to?? It’s like men want to be able to physically overpower us.
proudmommy17557
New member
@katieheals I also think it’s because of beauty standards. Attractive men are strong and muscley. Attractive women are small and dainty. If you are something other than small and dainty, you’re not attractive. So women aren’t allowed to go to the gum because it will make them muscley and less attractive.
@katieheals Men seem to apply this to their interactions with other men, too. When I really talk to men (which I prefer not to do, i'd rather hang out with bigger, more muscular women) and listen to them discuss other men, they seem to have decided who would win in a fight surprisingly often and with no real relevant context for that line of thinking.
riverrat84
New member
@lorial I’ve never been naturally athletic. One of my goals has been to do a pull up. ONE pull up. I go to the gym like 3 times a week to do weight training. I run. I swim. I spin. I do HIIT classes. I go to yoga. I do all these things to be at my version of peak physical fitness and I still can’t do one single pull up. Yet I look at some men who can easily do them and they barely workout (by their own admission). It can be quite discouraging and sometimes I find myself saying “ugh it’s so easy for men. They barely have to try and they can do a pull up.” Now, whether or not that’s factual, idk. But, yeah, there is a part of me that has internalised that misogyny for sure.
That being said, I’ve come to accept that it’s really not a competition between them and me. It’s more about am I seeing progress in my own fitness journey. Do I feel good after I work out? Am I happy with my life? If the answer is yes, then I should just continue doing what I’m doing.
That being said, I’ve come to accept that it’s really not a competition between them and me. It’s more about am I seeing progress in my own fitness journey. Do I feel good after I work out? Am I happy with my life? If the answer is yes, then I should just continue doing what I’m doing.
@bcubed Dude, I feel you. My goal has been to do 1 pull up for the past year and a half. I had a male friend who’s always been entirely sedentary bust several out just to see if he could. I was so jealous 
Those are great questions to ask yourself!! I have to remind myself to compare me to me and not anyone else, male or female. Just me to me
Those are great questions to ask yourself!! I have to remind myself to compare me to me and not anyone else, male or female. Just me to me