Is it appropriate for a coach to physically correct you?

[kingshellie]

Short context: 26F, have been working out for about ~7 years. At first mainly weight lifting, but currently doing CrossFit 3-5x week.

I’ve had the opportunity to work with a variety of coaches and understand each person has their own special way of teaching/ working with clients.

That said, I feel one of my current coaches is a little too touchy feely. For example, he’ll touch my upper thighs/ hip area while giving me feedback about technique, or get flush behind me to help me do something properly. The feedback usually works, but I can’t help but to feel weird about being touched like that lol.

It might just be triggering me bc 5 years ago I had issues with a trainer (closer to my age) that worked at my gym. He’d try to flirt by correcting me using inappropriate cues (“move your hips like you do while f-ing”), would text me to ask me to come earlier so he could stretch me (which he also did with other girls). One night he asked me to stay past closing time. Another time he took a lady who’d had a minor fall to the women’s toilet and they spent 20 mins there (we were like 5 at the gym that day and we all thought it was weird). Last I knew he’d left the gym cause he started dating one of the clients lol.

Am I overreacting and just traumatised from that past experience?

 

[dawn16]

@kingshellie Yes

 

[dubs2010]

@kingshellie It can be okay and normal IF the client is fine with it. Ideally shouldn't be the default without discussion and okaying by the client. Any coach with a shred of decency will listen to a request not to be touched because you're more comfortable that way. If he refuses or argues then run.

Certain gym cultures have different approaches on if it's okay or if it's the default, but if they don't listen to you and change, then it's a serious problem and consider escalating it.

 

[yytz6]

@kingshellie If you don’t like to be touched then just straight up tell him about it, you 100% have the right to be uncomfortable with something whether the other person likes it or not.

 

[mariab97]

@kingshellie I’m a male coach and I always make sure the client is comfortable first so I’ll give them a heads up or even use a pvc pipe instead. Sometime use the back of my hand too, but at the end of the day you’re allowed to be uncomfortable with anything, so the “norm” doesn’t matter if you don’t want them to physically correct you. With that being said, tactile feedback can be really helpful but is not necessary

 

[walter1]

@mariab97 Great response!

 

[dtpostel]

@mariab97 This. I just took my CrossFit L1 training, and we were specifically told not to give physical corrections without checking with the client first, unless it was and emergency. Just tell him you're not comfortable with that kind of adjustment and he should back off. And if he doesn't, definitely tell the owner.

 

[busola48]

@kingshellie i expect people to use their words first and give me some heads up before they touch me. i will literally jump out of my skin if someone just grabs me suddenly, man or woman doesn't matter, it still spooks me. and feels like an invasion if i don't have time to say 'don't'.

he must be new since it's a common thing that comes up with trainers. or an idiot, there's always that.

confronting him is good, he'll learn for the next client.. but realistically, you'll want to get a different trainer. nobody has time for awkwardness in their workouts.

 

[melodyonpoint]

@kingshellie I’m a female trainer and I do touch my clients a lot to give them feedback and correct form. It really can just be so much quicker, and more integrative than explaining & demonstrating.
I work with a male trainer and he touches me a lot. I don’t feel uncomfortable with it because with him, he’s extremely knowledgeable, and he’s truly speaking about the muscles, insertions, and their functions. It’s an anatomy lesson every time we train.

I think you just need to decide for yourself what you’re comfortable with, and what kind of vibe the trainer gives off. You can tell if they’re being inappropriate, or if they’re actually trying to educate you.

 

[sinead]

@kingshellie If you’re uncomfortable, definitely communicate that with the coach! As a coach (female), a lot of us do use kinesthetic cues (touch) because they are the strongest reinforcers of proper technique. However, coaches should be aware of each client’s needs. If they still continue using touch as a cue after communicating you’d prefer hands-off cues, switch. But please also be aware for certain exercises, spotting for safety can include closeness between client/trainer… ie standing directly behind someone in a squat!

 

[john0987]

@kingshellie Tell him it makes you uncomfortable when he touches you and gets too close. If he reacts to that in any way negatively, or doesn’t respect your boundaries going forward, bye

 

[dawn16]

@kingshellie You are not overreacting, you are correctly reacting.

This guy is over the line in so many ways. Don’t work with him anymore.

 

[dawn16]

@kingshellie If it’s so often that you’re noticing it and it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it’s a problem.

 

[christianfrend]

@kingshellie Trainers of mine have said “do you mind if I move you slightly?” Then they use like two fingers to correct briefly and act as if they want as minimal contact as possible, as though I’m contaminated

 

[thelight2016]

@kingshellie ALL COACHES AND TRAINERS SHOULD ASK IF YOU ARE OKAY WITH BEING TOUCHED BEFORE THEY TOUCH YOU!!! as someone who worked as a crossfit coach, this is a huge red flag. it is extremely frowned upon to touch athletes without their explicit verbal consent. plus, the way he is touching you is not acceptable.

 

[butterfly2222]

@thelight2016 This. I feel like this is pretty basic. This should pretty much go for any profession that touching someone is not essential but could be helpful.

 

[jesussaves623]

@thelight2016 Came here to say this. OP, you can tell your trainer that he will need to ask you before touching you going forward. This is a simple ask, and he should not react poorly. Or you can change trainers. Your call!
And furthemore: you are not biased because of past experiences. If anything, it makes you clearer headed about what you are and aren't ok with. And you've experienced first-hand why consent in this situation is important. Making decisions informed by experience is smart.

 

[walter1]

@jesussaves623 Yes! This.

 

[lawofderp]

@kingshellie Follow your gut and switch trainers. I didn’t follow my gut and continued to talk to a fellow married gym goer who used to be a trainer. He would make flirtatious comments about me that I would just ignore thinking he was Latin so I gave him a pass. But the day I asked him if there was any meds he could recommend for leg pain and he went behind me and put his hands on my waist to show me how to engage my core and do a leg extension (I’m a group fitness instructor so yes I know how to execute proper exercises and no you didn’t ask permission) … that was the day when I saw the light and stopped all contact.

He was always sorta touchy feely anyways trying to give me hugs, asking me to touch him (his muscles), and pulling me in to whisper something. I can’t believe I ignored it all. It usually always escalates when they test how much you will allow them to touch you. Again, if you get a weird feeling, what you never want to happen is probably happening.

 

[papabear4811]

@kingshellie This is creepy. in all my years of sports, and even in the military, any time anybody has ever put their hands on me to correct me, they've asked permission first. Permission should be asked for and granted, not assumed, with the lone exception being if the client/trainee is in imminent physical danger due to poor execution.