Issues at the gym with 2 dudes

[outlawstate]

@austinjoel2001 Please, don't channel your inner Karen. No staff member deserves to deal with Karen over someone else's behavior. Just talk to the staff and let them know what's going on.

 

[bygrace98]

@austinjoel2001 Get your own video of it just for your own documentation if it is ever needed.

 

[dynamitex]

@bygrace98 This might violate her gym's policy and get her kicked out too.

 

[lilith_eve]

@austinjoel2001 Do you know who owns your gym? If it’s a woman, she will likely understand your issue. I think it’s less certain if it’s a guy. Definitely talk to them, but be aware that a lot of guys will say “did you ask them to move?” And “yeah, they’re spastic, but I don’t see anything wrong with this.”

I’m not trying to get you not to talk to them, but I do want you to think about what your end goal is. If your end goal is to stay at this gym and not be bothered, this route might not do that. It may very well end in you being too anxious to go to the gym when there’s any possibility you’ll be alone with these boys.

 

[austinjoel2001]

@lilith_eve That’s a great point. I’m on the fence. I’ll try talking to them and making a friendly connection (despite the fact that they are literally incredibly difficult to interact with) before talking to the owner. The owner is a woman in her 60’s so it could be hit or miss.

 

[wanderingalien]

@austinjoel2001 Regardless of anything else, I would think the owner of gym desperately wants two things 1) keep customers, and 2) avoid liability claims. So many great responses here. I hope you’re successful with one of them! Would love it if you keep us updated!

 

[lilith_eve]

@austinjoel2001 Hey OP, is the gym staffed? If it is, that’s good.

Have you ever spoken to these guys? That would be my first move - and start by talking to them in a nice way. Humanize yourself. If they’re fucking with you, they think you’re a prop and are trying to get a rise out of you. If you go angry on them as your first move or if you go to the staff before speaking to them, that (from what I’ve seen) can escalate the whole thing. They’re trying to see how much power they have. Instead of trying to pop that balloon, just deflate it.

 

[austinjoel2001]

@lilith_eve It’s only staffed in the morning 9-11 ish and then 1-4, a few times per week. Which stinks. I was actually just talking to my husband about making a move to talk to them. I tried a few days ago when one walked by me and went to grab something next to me. I smiled and tried to make eye contact and said “ope”. That sounds super silly but we are from MN and that is usually a standard greeting without going out of our way to say hi. I will try to make eye contact tonight and strike up a conversation. I think you’re right. I should humanize myself and attempt to connect before going ballistic and causing more friction. I truly want to believe they are just self conscious young men who may not be self aware or are just trying to be bullies and need a reminder that women are also people… I wouldn’t be so hesitant if they didn’t seem young and insecure which to me makes them dangerous

 

[chandrika]

@austinjoel2001 Yeah, they are counting on you to be mild and turn the other cheek because it's not a real barrier to their behavior. Just tell them to knock it off. Don't ask them and be sweet. Tell them.

 

[fghdfh7468]

@austinjoel2001 You don't have to immediately go ballistic or threaten to quit the gym -- it's possible that since this gym isn't staffed at night the management isn't aware this is happening and need a chance to address it first.

 

[marylouise]

@austinjoel2001 I’d go with your gut and not confront them or even interact with them. Let management do the work there.

 

[lilith_eve]

@marylouise The only reason I don’t completely agree with this is that OP is not in control in this scenario. What I expect would happen is that she reports and if there’s no change she’s worried that they were spoken to about their behavior and decided to continue. If there is a change it could be in either direction - more or less intense, in which case she’d also be worried about being alone with them.

The only way OP is in control is if OP takes control.

Edit: The key to this, for me, is whether OP wants to continue working out there and wants to get to equilibrium. Equilibrium won’t come from management talking to these kids. It comes from
The kids respecting her.

 

[marylouise]

@lilith_eve At which point she talks to management again, and shows that the behavior continues. Or perhaps reaches out to fellow gym members she may recognize regularly and see if they might be interested in speaking up as well.

I’m as non-confrontational as it comes, and a petite female so I admit my bias. However if she is the one to confront them, they know it’s her complaining which may turn it even nastier or more of a game. I don’t feel that a lot of young men that are already showing blatant disregard for their fellow gym users’ comfort and personal space are suddenly going to respect her because she talks to them. I can see your point but I still politely disagree. I hope that whichever approach she takes, it results in a better experience.

 

[lilith_eve]

@marylouise Can I ask if that has worked for you?

I’m open to new ideas, but every time I’ve approached management (or seen a friend do it) it does not result in getting what I/they really want. It usually results in a higher-anxiety situation that the non-confrontational person eventually removes themself from.

 

[lilith_eve]

@marylouise Unfortunately for OP, threatening to leave in this scenario might actually give management a reason not to do anything. A lot of people will hear “I’ll leave if you don’t confront these guys” as ”This situation will extinguish itself.”

Threatening to take yourself out of the situation isn’t a threat, it’s a solution.

 

[fghdfh7468]

@lilith_eve That's why it's s good idea to mention that other people seem bothered as well, if not asking other people to also contact management.

 

[kcorn]

@lilith_eve Not original commenter but I can say in my experience that talking to management 1) works 2) is safer.

Management is there to manage- their workers and the business. OP can simply mention that she worries for her safety if the two are not removed and that it is implicated in any way that she complained about their behavior and ask that it be handled with her safety in mind.

 

[lilith_eve]

@kcorn I wish that was true, but it hasn’t been, in my experience

 

[zumbalicious]

@lilith_eve Agree! Ask what kind of workout plan they're doing. How long they've been doing it. If they're training for anything in particular.

 

[lilith_eve]

@austinjoel2001 Totally get that. I ran a key club for 7 years with my partner and a lot of times, boys like that will only respond to bigger, angrier men. But I was able to deal with a lot of situations — especially when it came to kids who had insecurity, anger, lifting, and social awkwardness all swirling inside. And the way I did that was just to chat. Smile and say hi when you walk in. Disarm them by going out of your way to notice them first. Don’t wait til they are doing something weird - go to them. Make them have to interact with you when they weren’t planning on it. Go up and ask them about their workout. Make them feel weird an out of control.

I would bet that just doing that once or twice will make them avoid you for a bit. And then you’ll establish yourself enough that if they start coming into your space again you can say “yo, mind moving? You’re in my way.”