@wholehalfmom They'll come. Start taking pictures monthly, same place same lighting same posture. It's easy to not notice changes in the mirror. It's actually funny because whenever I look at myself in the mirror I'm disappointed with my aesthetics but when I see a picture, even if it's a damn mirror selfie, I think I look just fine. Our brains can suck that way haha.
Make sure you're close to about 175-200g of protein a day, for your weight, to ensure you're getting enough for your goals. Also, cut down on the beer and sweets. Sorry man, it sucks, I know. But if your sweet gains are just hiding under 30+ extra pounds of fat you're not going to get the look you want.
As far as numbers, keep lifting and eat and sleep as well as you can. They'll go up. And don't be discouraged because others lift more. It's not a competition except with yourself. If you really want to compete with others in a realistic way, remember that maybe 10 percent of the population can bench their body weight, so aim for that goal if you're not already there!