Early morning gym goers, with family, how do you balance going to bed early with time for your partner?

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dougnarg

New member
I'm married, with a 5 year old and wake up 5 am to go to the gym until about 6 ish, then head home shower and get my daughter ready at 6:45, and we both leave at around 7:10 for school drop off and work. I am an early bird, Iike my mornings and i.love my morning workouts. My husband is a night owl and he sometimes feels like i dont gove hik enough time in the evening because by 9:45 i am tired at ready for bed. If I'm not in bed by 10 pm, I won't wake up early, and I also am serious about getting 7 hours a night as I function better the next day.

For those qhp wake up early to workout, with a spouse that does not, how do you balance together time in the evening? By the time my daughter is in bed and the kitchen is cleaned (we take turns doing both), I honestly just want to wind down my night. I usually try to sit with my husband a bit after all that but I think he feels like I am not making enough time for him in the evening, but 5 am is my only time to workout during the day!
 
@dougnarg We just accept it for what it is. No evening time together during the week. Weekends work though.

We both understand. I wake up at 445 to work out. But I get all the kids stuff ready for school before I start. Tradeoffs.

We have a 1 year old and a 2 year old.
 
@shawna27 OP is he willing to get up earlier to have quality time before you take kids to school? Bc he’s kinda asking the same of you :)

Are there specific things he feels your relationship is lacking? Quality time can mean different things.

Can y’all both put your kid to bed together as a special family time? Could you plan to have relationship time the night before your rest day?
 
@shawna27 Yes, I think parents need to accept they just can't do it all, whatever you may have been led to believe. The important thing is an arrangement that both are ok with.
 
@dougnarg Almost the same here. I get up with the kids, make them breakfast, get them ready for school and leave as my wife is waking up. She sleeps in and takes them to school. I’m off to work and then most nights we have kids activities. By the time they get to bed around 9, I’m ready for bed by 9:30 while she likes to stay up. It was a bit of a fight for a while (she also doesn’t work while I have to talk all day and just want to relax which makes it worse) but we have different sleeping habits and start our days at different times. Weekend nights are where it’s at for now.
 
@dougnarg My wife is stay at home so that helps w getting kids out etc. The gym is also on my way to work. I get to gym around 5-530 and then shower and press on to work. My wife and I both go to bed around 10-11 pm. We get the kid to bed around 830 and just hang out together till we’re ready to sleep. I like my wife a lot, which helps.
 
@dougnarg We made the gym our time together. We get up at 4am and go together, then when we get home we can have coffee and breakfast together.
Quality down time is the morning for us vs afternoon.
My kids are a bit older and we’re gone and home before they even wake up.
 
@dougnarg Do you do things together in those few hours you got?

We don’t have kids but both pretty busy jobs which leave us with about 3h to 4h max per day, during the week, to see each other. Im a night owl and like to do some work at night, my partner has to get up early. A while back we both felt like we weren’t really spending any quality time with each other anymore, even tho we had the weekends. We realized after a while that we were spending a lot more time on our phones during the week. Basically just sitting next to each other. So we made it a habit to actively do something together. Even if it’s just an hour before she goes to bed.
 
@dougnarg I am not married but with a partner but we mostly live together. I am the night owl of our relationship. We talked about how we are gonna adjust it and we just accepted it as how it is. you cant really change your bio rhythm...
 
@dougnarg We could never make it work. The time we have together after the kids go to bed isn’t worth giving up to us. In theory it’s the “best” plan but in practice it never works. We just gym after work.

I really liked gyming during my lunch break but I don’t think it has good optics. So I just go after my workday and that works for me. My wife usually gyms during the day. We also gym on the weekend too and sometimes we’ll get a sitter so we can go to the gym together on the weekend.
 
@dougnarg I just posted about this a few days ago.

On good days (kids in bed on time, house hold tasks done etc.), I spend at least an hour each evening with spouse just hanging out, watching a show, chatting or being intimate.

On bad days where everything’s taking longer, I have to give up that time but do try to find time to make up for it on the weekends.

I miss long leisurely bouts of time with the spouse for sure but the mental & physical rewards of regular exercise are too much for me to miss out on as well.

I’m happier when I get to exercise & so is my entire family.
 
@calso I have a very similar schedule and to be honest - I like it! I feel like I can accomplish so much more than before when I did not have kids. It's true, I don't get to hang out with my husband for a few hours every night, but honestly, what I focus on is quality time nit quantity. I don't need more time to mi dlessly scroll my phone or just read click bait or try to find something to watch. When I get rid of all that I am left with things I need to do and things that matter. So I don't find this lifestyle to be constriciting at all! I think it's just that my husband does not manage his time well and gets annoyed when I tell him that when he wants some intimate time together then he needs to hustle at night and put our kid to bed early!! I think he just prefers to take his time with everything (he sleep in every morning) and then come back at me for not prioritizing him. I do ...
 
@dougnarg I have been an early gym person for more than a decade and I still go early in the morning, however, I have the ability to work from home 4 days a week so if I have started to go during my lunch break rather than every morning to allow some more sleep and also time with the kids in the night
 
@dougnarg Could your husband help get your daughter ready in the morning, allowing you to go to the gym a little later and sleep later? You'd be able to stay up later at night.

My 7 year old is in bed by 8 (lights out at 8:30) and I go to bed at 10, up by 6 (I need 8 hours most nights). Husband plays an hour of video games after I go to bed and gets up 6:30/7. Kid is pretty independent in the mornings but we tag team supervising the process between 7 and 8am.
 
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