@oikonomia Sounds like you’ve outgrown that lifestyle and some aspects of those friendships. Have you made any friends in the exercise/healthy living scene?
How do I stop feeling bad as black girl about no longer being ‘thicc’, partying, drinking, etc?
- Thread starter oikonomia
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@dawn16 A few, mostly online from the workout program I use.
The city I live in (or at least my gym) has mainly elderly people, and I try to make friends with other girls in the gym my age but they’re usually just starting out so I don’t have a lot to talk to them about, and I think sometimes they feel intimidated by me because I go in the main weights area where there’s a lot of men, etc, while most of them avoid it
I’m thinking of finding classes outside my gym though to maybe meet more people that are as into fitness as I am
The city I live in (or at least my gym) has mainly elderly people, and I try to make friends with other girls in the gym my age but they’re usually just starting out so I don’t have a lot to talk to them about, and I think sometimes they feel intimidated by me because I go in the main weights area where there’s a lot of men, etc, while most of them avoid it
I’m thinking of finding classes outside my gym though to maybe meet more people that are as into fitness as I am
whoisjesus
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@oikonomia Don't be afraid to talk to us "older" ladies. I'm, 45, and I can assure that all of the ladies who lift have a lot of common interests. There aren't a lot of us, so when I see another woman who lifts I automatically accept her into my tribe and I'm rooting for her
@oikonomia Honestly, I deleted IG. I still have my account and will re-download occasionally to post photos (cause I do like to flex on others still when I go on vacation once a year 
) but then I delete the app again. I feel so much better about myself when I don’t look at it. I also lived for several years in a country where IG was banned and required a VPN, so I got out of the habit of checking it regularly. Now I’m back in the States but I don’t feel like I’m missing out. Once that app isn’t on your phone anymore, you don’t miss it. And then if you do re-download it after a few months, it seems way more shallow and boring (and honestly kind of bizarre) than it does when you incessantly check it every day.
Just enjoy being present in your healthy, fit body! You’re doing great
) but then I delete the app again. I feel so much better about myself when I don’t look at it. I also lived for several years in a country where IG was banned and required a VPN, so I got out of the habit of checking it regularly. Now I’m back in the States but I don’t feel like I’m missing out. Once that app isn’t on your phone anymore, you don’t miss it. And then if you do re-download it after a few months, it seems way more shallow and boring (and honestly kind of bizarre) than it does when you incessantly check it every day. Just enjoy being present in your healthy, fit body! You’re doing great
@oikonomia You might be interested in r/blackladiesfitness!
@oikonomia I'm black and don't really know black girls who party and those who do don't go crazy. Some are into the "baddy" look and others aren't. Maybe vary up your social spaces and who you follow on Instagram. I don't really follow women for beauty, more sports skill.
"Vary your social spaces" is easy for me to say though because I live in London, black women are always wherever I go just living their lives with great variety.
I won't say its a "notlikeothergirls" situation because some people just grow up in different areas with different trends.
"Vary your social spaces" is easy for me to say though because I live in London, black women are always wherever I go just living their lives with great variety.
I won't say its a "notlikeothergirls" situation because some people just grow up in different areas with different trends.
@sevenjay I agree, I think maybe I need to vary my social spaces a bit. I have friends that don’t party, etc, that I feel normal around, but it’s just when I see a lot of a certain type of my friends that I behind to feel bad
From what people have said I’m going to take a break from Instagram, I’m excited about it I think it’ll really help
From what people have said I’m going to take a break from Instagram, I’m excited about it I think it’ll really help
@oikonomia I have admittedly never been a black girl, but with life experience I can say that if you are living your own authentic values, then feeling bad about yourself will reduce over time.
You say you’re 20 and that has a lot to do with it. There’s a strong desire to live the right way and therefore a strong desire to match templates and live the way “a person” is supposed to live. At the same time, as you enter adulthood, you’re facing the practical reality that you can’t be or do everything.
So you can’t be a fitness girl and a thicc/partying/drinking girl, and you know this and are happy with your choice, but the reality of not being able to match both lifestyles at once brings anxious feelings. As you get older your feelings will align with the facts more and more.
Maybe you’re also worried about losing friends, which can come with a lifestyle change. But if you pull your weight in the friendship then true friends will still be true friends, only superficial friendships will fall away. Plus some of your friends will start to think your lifestyle is preferable to a hangover, and join you.
You say you’re 20 and that has a lot to do with it. There’s a strong desire to live the right way and therefore a strong desire to match templates and live the way “a person” is supposed to live. At the same time, as you enter adulthood, you’re facing the practical reality that you can’t be or do everything.
So you can’t be a fitness girl and a thicc/partying/drinking girl, and you know this and are happy with your choice, but the reality of not being able to match both lifestyles at once brings anxious feelings. As you get older your feelings will align with the facts more and more.
Maybe you’re also worried about losing friends, which can come with a lifestyle change. But if you pull your weight in the friendship then true friends will still be true friends, only superficial friendships will fall away. Plus some of your friends will start to think your lifestyle is preferable to a hangover, and join you.
@dawn16 You’ve summed up how I feel perfectly
I think a lot of it does have to do with my age. There’s things I had FOMO about when I was younger but I’m perfectly fine not doing now
I do have some friends that have started working out because of the progress I made which is really cool
Thank you x
I think a lot of it does have to do with my age. There’s things I had FOMO about when I was younger but I’m perfectly fine not doing now
I do have some friends that have started working out because of the progress I made which is really cool
Thank you x
@oikonomia Tons of great advice in here so I won’t repeat what’s been said. Think about this: that lifestyle is not sustainable. Drinking & partying will prematurely age you! You’re going to have flawless skin at 40 and they’re going to look tired lol
Think of some famous over 50 women; do you think they’re drinking? Heck no!
Think of some famous over 50 women; do you think they’re drinking? Heck no!
@oikonomia omg womanhood and blackness are not defined by being thiccc, attractive, loving to go partying, posting on instagram, etc. it sounds like you just grew up and there's nothing wrong with that. i went through something similar a couple of years ago (but i'm white) and i learned that being true to yourself, honest, and direct with others will bring you happiness. i would accept that you've grown up a bit and that you don't exist in the world to be attractive or fun. you don't have to play that role. what do you want out of life? what do you want the people around you to bring to the table? think about it, seek it, speak it. much love to you
@oikonomia Hi there! I quit social media in the middle of last year. I hated the internal comparisons I would make with myself and other girls. I hated being caught up in an image! Ever since I quit (now I only stick to Facebook, because I need at least ONE social media to keep up with extended family members and work/school groups). SO, after quitting and not going back (I’m talking about Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat) I clearly feel so much better. Twitter was toxic. With instagram, I secretly look up quick workout videos on there still, but I don’t have a personal account. I get FOMO sometimes when my friends are on and they say, “did you see so and so’s story?!” I’m just like “nope.” Haha but I feel so much better!!! I swear. I feel like it’s made me a more mindful individual. Granted, now I just spend more time on reddit, but I like to think it’s better than the other socials! Edited to add: also, I’m 22! Full time college student. The friends who genuinely care will text me/check up on me, and I do the same.
@oikonomia Don’t feel bad. The “thicc” thing seems to be regional. Enjoy what you enjoy. Be relieved that you’re leas objectified and more healrhy.
@oikonomia I quite IG and FB two years ago and that made such a huge difference in my life. im not chasing "Likes" anymore. This is what makes you happy and improves the quality of your life.
Initially the people around you are going to notice and try to put you down but later on the same people are going to come and ask you for advice. Just push yourself and seek the company you enjoy. I've made some really good friends at the gym and all different ages.
Initially the people around you are going to notice and try to put you down but later on the same people are going to come and ask you for advice. Just push yourself and seek the company you enjoy. I've made some really good friends at the gym and all different ages.
ronaldsaved
New member
@oikonomia I don't really think this has anything to do with you being black and moreso, that you have a judgmental friend group or that you are judging yourself too harshly. I'm black and I don't go partying often and I don't drink and I have never really experienced or seen any sort of the judgement that you are describing. Black girls come in all shapes and size and personalities. I think you need to reconfigure what your definition of a "black girl" is because there isn't just one type.
@ronaldsaved I see what you mean, it’s not necessarily they way all black girls are, it’s just the people that I happen to be surrounded by, at least on social media.