@kingshellie "Hey, I really appreciate the good cues and coaching you're giving me, but I don't like being touched, and it's been bothering me. Can we stick to verbal cues from now on? Thanks!" If he's a good guy he'll be mortified. If he's not, DTMF.
@kingshellie Let him know you’d prefer verbal cues. If he doesn’t stop the physical cues, time to move on. Honestly, getting flush is a no go for me. It’s uncomfortable but it’s important to speak up.
The only time I’ve ever been touched in an exercise situation was in yoga class. I recall the teacher coming up to me, asking me if it’s ok to touch for a correction, me saying yes, and then they touched with verbal cues. No creepy touching either.
@jay1984 I had a trainer that always asked first. And when he did he barely actually touched the clients, more like brushed with his finger tips the area that needed correction and then he’d coach with hand signals until you got it right.
I’ll ask this trainer to do that if he really feels he needs to give more specific feedback or if I’m not getting it with the verbal cues.
@kingshellie You're not overreacting. I would start by simply telling him not to touch you. Escalate to the owner/manager if needed.
I coach crossfit and yes, there are times I touch someone, but never the upper thigh or anything inappropriate. At most I touch the elbows, sometimes traps, sometimes ankles. And I ALWAYS ask them if it's OK before I touch them. I am also female. Our male coaches simply don't touch anyone 99% of the time unless it's a member they have a working relationship with.
@twinmama I wouldn’t mind if it was in any of those areas you mentioned, even lower legs. But it’s almost always on my upper thighs, side of my hips or just above my bum!
@kingshellie This guy sounds pretty creepy to be honest. I find it hard to believe you "need" that much correction if you've got experience, and in any case, he can just use verbal cues to direct you. And as you observe, none of the other coaches are doing it to this extent.
Maybe have a look around or chat to see if he seems to be doing this to any other women as well (or is he even correcting men in this fashion, I wonder?).
@leegoodall007 Not only that, he is definitely taking (your) time and attention away from the task at hand. He is wasting your time and money. Don’t let him! Talk to him..,some of the words posted are excellent. Good luck! Let us know what happens.
@leegoodall007 That’s the thing, some of the feedback are things other coaches have mentioned before, but without the need of getting hands on with me. F.e. I have scoliosis, so my hips will rarely be level/ I need to be aware to fix the imbalance. Instead of demonstrating how to do that, he’ll get behind me and manually adjust my hips.
To other women yes, he’ll also hug you after finishing a workout and things like that. I don’t think I’ve seen him correcting any of the guys though. Will pay more attention next time.
@kingshellie he’s likely doing it in a totally professional way, BUT if you feel uncomfortable it is totally reasonable and okay to say that you prefer to not be touched. if you are worried about sounding rude you can phrase it like “it’s nothing personal but i prefer correction without touch”
@jessicapenfold I'm curious to know what makes you say it's likely to be totally professional on the limited basis of what the OP included in her post.
Personally, I've never been touched on the upper thigh for correction, and I've gotten cues and correction in yoga, pilates, and weight lifting in many studios and gyms.
Creeps find ways to get their "kick" while appearing to operate within the bounds of normalcy, i.e. plausible deniability. They exploit the tendency of people especially women to not want to rock the boat or create offense. No need to wrap the boundary in cotton wool to avoid hurting his feelings. You're the paying customer.
@kingshellie I'm sorry you've had these upsetting experiences. A trainer should ALWAYS ask permission before touching. It's my opinion that's it's only appropriate after trying other verbal cues or demonstrating correct form. If you don't feel comfortable addressing your current trainer, you should go to the manager/ owner and let them know what's going on. Hopefully, they can address it with the coach without involving you.
@kingshellie If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it makes you feel uncomfortable and you should say something. You're allowed to assert yourself and it doesn't mean you're being rude. Everyone has different levels of comfort and he may just be someone who is more comfortable with that sort of thing and may not realize that it's borderline inappropriate. If you politely tell him that you need more space and would like to not be touched and he continues to do it then I would find a new trainer.
