@milan45 See this is the problem when bigger girls look down and belittle skinnier girls. They think their life would be perfect if they were their size but life doesn’t get any easier. The problems you have being big just get replaced with other problems that skinny people go through. It’s your mind you have to work on and your confidence. Being skinny will NOT make you happy. Just the same as being rich doesn’t.
Losing weight = more unwanted attention/harassment?
- Thread starter milan45
- Start date
-
- Tags
- female fitness
@milan45 I do know what you mean. I’m focussing on strength now, lifting weights, building muscle and when I can I’m going to start either boxing or some sort of self defence. I refuse to let shitty people dictate what I do with my health. I know how you mean you feel safer heavy than skinny. To look less conventionally desirable is one way to defend yourself.
Maybe strong is even better? Mental health and physical health are both important.
Maybe strong is even better? Mental health and physical health are both important.
@milan45 I feel this way too. I just want to be invisible to creepy men. I can’t ignore men staring at me and I feel that my energy and mental space are constantly being intruded upon. I would never stare at a dude like that, I’d be respectful and avert my eyes after a couple seconds.
Actually i’m thankful for having to wear a mask right now. I feel like it helps a bit to hide my face. However it still happens!!
Most of the time now I wear my bfs big tees and sweats cause I don’t want to feel sexualized for the shape of my body. But then I hate that I don’t look good and don’t wear pretty clothes like other girls because I love that stuff too. It’s just not fair, there’s no winning.
Actually i’m thankful for having to wear a mask right now. I feel like it helps a bit to hide my face. However it still happens!!
Most of the time now I wear my bfs big tees and sweats cause I don’t want to feel sexualized for the shape of my body. But then I hate that I don’t look good and don’t wear pretty clothes like other girls because I love that stuff too. It’s just not fair, there’s no winning.
@milan45 I was " the hot girl" for years until I started gaining weight in 27. My whole life my Mom always talked about keeping my wits about me. To be careful in every situation. When I was first cat called at 11 walking home from the school bus I started to dress in baggy clothes, cover up. I never wore a swimsuit to the beach. As i got older and started to dress is slightly more form fitting clothes, I outwaedly dismissed people who were clearly only interested in me for my looks. I ran in (for want of a better term) nerdier circles. I found my people and felt safe in my community. I look at fitness now not as a way to get more attractive, but to get healthier and stronger. I think it's only rational to be insecure about the attention. But I think you should ask yourself what bothers you about it. For me, at times ot felt like people where reducing me for my appearance and ignoring my intellect. Other times I felt like a target for predators. I decided i wanted to be the best me, regardless of others. I apoke up more and made sure people knew a had something to say. To feel safe, I've been learning some self defense and cart pepper spray. I wasn't going to let the world i live in dictate my life. Learn to shut people down.
As women the world is different for us. We get more attention when we improve our physique, good or bad.
Good as in when we as women pump eachother up in the bathroom. But bad when the only attention we get from men is sexual. It's hard, but it's your life and you can choose how you want to live it.
As women the world is different for us. We get more attention when we improve our physique, good or bad.
Good as in when we as women pump eachother up in the bathroom. But bad when the only attention we get from men is sexual. It's hard, but it's your life and you can choose how you want to live it.
@milan45 Yes, except I’m the opposite. I was always naturally thin with a naturally flat stomach and while I enjoyed running because it helped my anxiety and working out occasionally, I didn’t really need to. I got on a medication that made me gain almost 70 pounds and as much as I’m disgusted with the way I look, it’s SO NICE being able to go out in public without constantly being hit on/harassed and all the bullshit aggression you have to deal with when you nicely turn someone down. I’m a redhead and definitely don’t think I’m super attractive or anything but man it was so annoying. When I worked at Hooters it was even worse, even with my uniform covered up in public, people would know from the pantyhose, socks, and bright white shoes. For some reason quite a few guys think having sex with a Hooters girl is some sort of conquest or bucket list thing or something, idk. But it was annoying as hell.
@milan45 Yes. Being bigger was an extra layer of protection, something I was unaware of. When I lost weight, I was really surprised that I suddenly got unwanted male attention. Suddenly I existed for them, you know? I've never strived for male attention (besides that from my partner) so I'm still uncomfortable with it all.
I hate when they catcall. I hate when they approach me on the street. I hate being NOTICED by a flock of males. I hate the looks I get from male collegues. I hate the looks in the gym as well, but I feel kind of respected there. My resting gym bitch face keeps most at bay.
I usually walk along the beach on my way home from work. There are a lot of younger males there, and I often feel very ... noticed. And then one day, I took the same walk with a tall, very masculine coded date of mine, and suddenly, I WAS INVISIBLE AGAIN! I was furious, lol. Do I really need the company of another man in order not to be gazed upon like prey?
This shit sucks. It limits me in various ways. I can't exist with ease the same way that men can. I'm also grateful for being a bit chubby growing up. Having this kind of attention as a teenager would've been very destructive for me.
And I will fight tooth and nail for the right to exist in public on the same conditions as men.
I hate when they catcall. I hate when they approach me on the street. I hate being NOTICED by a flock of males. I hate the looks I get from male collegues. I hate the looks in the gym as well, but I feel kind of respected there. My resting gym bitch face keeps most at bay.
I usually walk along the beach on my way home from work. There are a lot of younger males there, and I often feel very ... noticed. And then one day, I took the same walk with a tall, very masculine coded date of mine, and suddenly, I WAS INVISIBLE AGAIN! I was furious, lol. Do I really need the company of another man in order not to be gazed upon like prey?
This shit sucks. It limits me in various ways. I can't exist with ease the same way that men can. I'm also grateful for being a bit chubby growing up. Having this kind of attention as a teenager would've been very destructive for me.
And I will fight tooth and nail for the right to exist in public on the same conditions as men.
ibelieve10
New member
humblelamplight
New member
anthonyadrianbell
New member
@milan45 I have a body type that's trendy right now (small waist w/ a big booty, I also lift and my bf says I've achieved the "fitness model" look) and this is my life. I'm always stared at. If I look too vulnerable and open I constantly get approached by men. I've had to practice my resting bitch face and not making eye contact with people in public. I hate it because my natural disposition is to be friendly and nice to people. Being rude to or ignoring guys bothering me makes me super uncomfortable. If I go to a club or party I am 100% getting groped. I have also been sexually assaulted multiple times in the past, but it's always by someone I know.
I've never been overweight so I can't identify with that, but I can say I would never want to be. I like working out and eating healthy. I like the way I look and my bf does as well. As frustrated as I feel about the attention I get, I wouldn't change it. It's not my responsibility to not look good so that I don't get harrassed. It's on the men that act that way. If you want to be healthy or even achieve a certain look, do it. It isn't your fault and avoiding harrassment to the point of changing your body shouldn't be a burden you have to bear. Live your life in a way that makes you happy and comfortable. I've felt sexualized since I was in 6th grade so I'm used to it at this point (22 now), and I'm sure with time it'll get easier for you to deal with if you decide to lose the weight.
I wish the best for you.
I've never been overweight so I can't identify with that, but I can say I would never want to be. I like working out and eating healthy. I like the way I look and my bf does as well. As frustrated as I feel about the attention I get, I wouldn't change it. It's not my responsibility to not look good so that I don't get harrassed. It's on the men that act that way. If you want to be healthy or even achieve a certain look, do it. It isn't your fault and avoiding harrassment to the point of changing your body shouldn't be a burden you have to bear. Live your life in a way that makes you happy and comfortable. I've felt sexualized since I was in 6th grade so I'm used to it at this point (22 now), and I'm sure with time it'll get easier for you to deal with if you decide to lose the weight.
I wish the best for you.
lovemygod316
New member
@milan45 For others, perhaps. But it largely has to do with how I carry myself.
On days I feel blah or insecure, whether really fit or 20 lbs. overweight, I'll feel invisible. And sometimes I'll want to feel invisible.
But I may also get catcalls by guys who could smell out insecurity.
On days I feel confident and strutting my stuff, people will pay attention. I'll get a few folks saying "Hey beautiful, have a nice day." And sometimes I'll flirt back.
But I may also get no one noticing me all day.
On days I feel blah or insecure, whether really fit or 20 lbs. overweight, I'll feel invisible. And sometimes I'll want to feel invisible.
But I may also get catcalls by guys who could smell out insecurity.
On days I feel confident and strutting my stuff, people will pay attention. I'll get a few folks saying "Hey beautiful, have a nice day." And sometimes I'll flirt back.
But I may also get no one noticing me all day.
airbornenita42
New member
@milan45 Yeah. It’s the truth, it’s a thing. I was harassed, and hit on constantly at my low (ideal) weights. Now I am overweight by at least 20 lbs and it’s much more pleasant, I’m not bothered by men constantly. On the other hand, I do miss the positive attention as well. I’m also losing weight just because I prefer how I look and feel at a lower weight but I’m doing it for me and my own health and no one else.
@milan45 Just get so big (with muscles) that you scare them. Just kidding, kind of.
My proudest moment was when a guy asked me how much I bench (while I was in a bridesmaid dress at my friend's wedding). Like, that's the reaction I want from men, and it may or may not be a part of my motivation for more muscles.
My proudest moment was when a guy asked me how much I bench (while I was in a bridesmaid dress at my friend's wedding). Like, that's the reaction I want from men, and it may or may not be a part of my motivation for more muscles.
yellowfree
New member
@milan45 I can totally relate to this, i gained a lot of weight, some of it due to depression but a lot was due to past sexual assault and wanting to feel invisible to men. Currently in therapy for the assault and ptsd and I'm starting to lose weight again, but the fear of attention is still there.
mattmizzno
New member
@yellowfree I feel you! This comment was 3 years ago....how are you tracking?
@milan45 I love this post and all of the comments - thank you for sharing these very candid feelings, especially in a place where peeps are tryna be fit. This is a real consideration as a woman. Related, I think about this in terms of breasts all the time. I have medium boobs I’d say (34C) and I actually cringe when I think about my boobs being bigger. I can’t imagine how much unwanted attention I would be subjected to. Even with my 34Cs, I do a lot of turtlenecks and cowl necks.
whatuhhidk
New member
@milan45 I've felt the same weigh, not with weight because I've been relatively skinny my whole life, but with make up. I used to do my make up and do my hair properly every day. Recently, I've let my body hair grow, cared less about dressing up, and I rarely put on make up because it makes me break out. The break in having people harass me constantly is so nice! Every since I was 12 I've been catcalled on the street. Sometimes I'll wear baggy clothes or go out looking "bad" on purpose (I don't think I look bad, but creepy guys aren't attracted to me)