Of all the places I have looked for self love, I had no idea I would find it at the gym

[bill01]

I am getting ready to move and leave my gym, which has made me especially sappy about my journey.. going to share a little about it here in case anyone else has struggled with some of the same thoughts.

I am someone who has always struggled with my self image. I have gone on 500 calorie diets, I have had my day ruined by how all the clothes I tried on fit, I have seen a photo of myself and felt repulsed, I have obsessively weighed myself, and cried in the shower because I hated my body so much. This list could go on forever. Even at my lightest weight it was never enough.

Strength training completely changed this for me. It took a couple months to start seeing and feeling progress, but for the first time in my life it became about my personal best. I learned to love my body at each step along the way. I was no longer looking at other women and thinking if only my collar bones were that visible or if only I had a thigh gap. It taught me to celebrate being able to squat 10 extra lbs, or do that extra push up. I used to find a reason to critique women who looked like I wanted too, and today I get to celebrate women around me no matter where they are in their journey.

Today I love myself and my body. I don't beat myself up over eating 4 cookies, or missing a week at the gym. I don't love every picture I take but today I know the body I see if capable of fucking magic.

I have always had trouble sticking with something I can't immediately see progress for -- but this time I did. It changed my life. That maybe sounds dramatic, but for me it doesn't even begin to cover it. I had no idea the way I carried my insecurities about my body into every area of my life; from work to my relationship etc. Strength training has helped me bring confidence and self love into all areas of my life.

If you are just getting started, and don't feel or see progress yet -- or you delete ever picture because you hate how it looks, stick with it! You are beautiful no matter your weight or what you can lift. Keep your head up, and try not to let missteps keep you from moving forward. Your body is capable of magic too.

Edit: Just want to say how inspiring and empowering it has been to read about everyone else's journey. The super exciting highs of buying new gym clothes, or noticing a muscle for the first time, or throwing out your scale. To everyone who is just getting started or planning to start, I believe in you. Don't forget that everyone was new once. You are beautiful today, and tomorrow and every day. You are strong and capable! You can do this! Thank you for the gold as well. This was so cathartic to write and I have loved reading all the responses.

 

[dawn16]

@bill01 i feel this. lifting makes me feel strong, in myself. who woulda thought

 

[dawn16]

@bill01 Thxxxx sooo much

 

[ansonthms]

@bill01 Thank you so much for sharing This is both inspiring and makes me very happy for you and your success.

 

[dawn16]

@bill01 It's been 2 months and I still haven't shed an inch of belly fat or any fat at all, altho i'm trying to give a cloric deficit. But i'm def getting stronger and can do more reps. I was demotivated this weekend and yesterday because i felt like all the pain and sweat were just futile simce I didn't lose fat. Your message was very inspiring altho i think i am different, i have a weird body, or i have a chronic illness that doesn't let me lose fat like other normal people do..

 

[dawn16]

Have you been checked for hypothyroidism or PCOS? Both can make losing weight difficult. Also want to chime in with OP that 2 months isn't very long!

 

[bill01]

@dawn16 I don't really know my measurement in inches but I lost weight very slowly. I don't have experience with chronic illness and your situation might be different, but I didn't lose weight much at all at first.

First measurement August 28th

October 12th - total lost .9 lbs

November 14th - total lost 2.3

So not a lot of a movement on the scale at all. I honestly have no idea how much that number has moved now. Haven't stepped on scale since Novemeber
Here are some photos after 6 months

https://imgur.com/a/PstrppO

So even though the scale barely moved and even though it took months for visible changes, my body was changing. I don't know what impact chronic illness may have, but I know I looked at everyone else and thought it could never be me. It took longer than I thought, but it was worth it.

 

[dawn16]

@bill01 You look so strong and amazing!

 

[bill01]

@dawn16 Thank you

 

[sfender]

@bill01 Strength training sounds amazing but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. Any recommendations for a book or program to read up in to better understand how/when to lift? I just joined a well equipped gym but it feels like. Foreign country to this fat girl.

 

[tkien]

@sfender My local YMCA has a women's weightlifting class once per week. I've been going since January, and trying to lift a few days per week on my own as well. It's been super helpful and totally recommend checking to see if you have something similar near you.

 

[bill01]

@sfender My gym has trainers that demo the movements, but @tiiira posted this above and it sounds super great. Definitely going to try it out when I move.

"I just started lifting for the second time and have found that the Strong Lifts 5x5 app is super easy and digestible for a beginner! It keeps track of your weights, your reps, your time in between sets, and it has a video with all the proper forms for the movements."

Haha and no worries, it's foreign to all of us at some point.

 

[dawn16]

@bill01 I feel this. I stopped focusing on what I looked like and instead on performance goals. Has completely changed my life and I no longer feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like magic and I wish it for every woman in this sub.

 

[crazydreamer]

@bill01 THANK YOU! This post really speaks to me. I've done all of the things you described! And now I'm 2 months in at the gym and seesaw-ing between feeling awesome about it and feeling frustrated that I'm not seeing progress like I want. You addressed all of the concerns I didn't even know I had. So once again, thank you for giving me hope and reminding me how much I love the lifestyle changes I've recently decided to make.

 

[bill01]

@crazydreamer Oh I can totally relate to those first couple months being a see-saw. It was such a mixed bag of days where I was like yeah I am killing it or holy shit nothing has changed or everyone probably thinks I am terrible at this and weak. There was a day I stepped on a scale 2 months in and realized I had only lost .9 lbs, and nearly had a meltdown. But comparing pictures I could see a difference, and I was starting to feel better so I just kept going. My body looks significantly different after 7 months, which is the longest I have ever stuck with any sort of work out plan.

Keep up the great work

 

[mykell]

@bill01 Thank you for this, needed to hear this today!

 

[nickineedstoknow]

@bill01 Proud of you and your grit and your journey. Thanks for sharing and inspiring other women with your story. I'm only a little over a couple months into working out and resonated deeply with everything you said. While I still feel moments when I dislike my body, I find it quickly change into pride and determination to keep putting effort into the gym. And that is extremely empowering!

 

[kman474]

@bill01 Thank you for posting this. I needed to read it currently on the cusp of getting started and just need to find the courage to GO and DO without being inhibited by the journey or how far I have to go. That’s the hardest bit, right? - how long did you have to go for before you felt feeling silly or like you didn’t know what you were doing?

 

[bill01]

@kman474 The hardest part was definitely getting started, the second hardest part was sticking with it when I didn't see immediate results.
So my gym is a little different and trainers walk around and correct your form and it has set exercises, so my experience was likely a little different. Although it was probably a good two months before I felt like I belonged and stopped being so worried about if I was doing a movement wrong.

But as others have said in this thread, everyone is new once.
You can do this! It might not happen overnight, but pushing through the early discomfort is such a rewarding experience.

 

[anadascal]

@kman474 Not op, but it doesn’t take long at all. Within a few sessions you will feel right at home. My experience has been that the gym is a welcoming environment, and everyone feels that same uncertainty at first. Many gyms have a free personal training session where they will show you around and get you familiar with the machines and give you a few exercises to start.