teen girl intimidated by mostly-male strength training class
- Thread starter jrsinct
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@jrsinct I was lucky to get into fitness with a lot of support from other girls and women around me, but DAMN do I feel you on this! I’m twice as old as you, and I am routinely the only woman in meetings at work. Most of the time it’s no big deal. Everyone is there for a reason, and if you’re there everyone assumes you have a reason too. Sometimes, though, someone notices or says something off color or makes a suggestion that is not applicable to the half of the world that exist while female, and suddenly you’re the chick in the room and the spot light is on you and it’s really awkward or intimidating or otherwise awful.
On the one hand, you get used to it, and what was previously both intimidating because it’s new and intimidating because you’re the odd one out is at least not new anymore. You’ll also find commonalities with other people and feel less like an outsider for reasons unrelated to your gender. You become a bit more fearless.
On the other hand, it’s still scary sometimes. Being scared gives you an opportunity to be brave. It may seem silly, but look at this as a way to build the strength of your courage as well as the strength of your body. You’ll get practice making your needs known even when they are different than the needs of the people around you. You’ll get practice challenging people who may seem more powerful than you. Most importantly, you’ll practice learning the difference between fear that you can overcome and fear that you should listen to because it is protecting you.
You’ve got this
On the one hand, you get used to it, and what was previously both intimidating because it’s new and intimidating because you’re the odd one out is at least not new anymore. You’ll also find commonalities with other people and feel less like an outsider for reasons unrelated to your gender. You become a bit more fearless.
On the other hand, it’s still scary sometimes. Being scared gives you an opportunity to be brave. It may seem silly, but look at this as a way to build the strength of your courage as well as the strength of your body. You’ll get practice making your needs known even when they are different than the needs of the people around you. You’ll get practice challenging people who may seem more powerful than you. Most importantly, you’ll practice learning the difference between fear that you can overcome and fear that you should listen to because it is protecting you.
You’ve got this
godhelpme1999
New member
@jrsinct As a total stranger, I am so proud of you for doing this at this time in your life. Even if it's discouraging and uncomfortable at the moment, you're investing in your future knowledge and lifelong ability to hold your own in the gym. I ran from opportunities like this in high school for the same reasons you're describing and am STILL intimidated by the gym, and never learned how to use the machines, have good form, etc. Push through, you won't regret it!
@jrsinct I can absolutely guarantee you that nobody was judging you, scrutinizing you, or otherwise. In a high school gym room, EVERYONE is scrutinizing THEMSELVES. 100% facts!
Best way around it your problem, start chatting with everyone. Ask them how they do that lift. Compliment each other. You’ll find that you’re just the same as then, you just have your own unique body you’re starting with! By the end of it, you’ll have some new friends, new strength, and who knows what else?
Best way around it your problem, start chatting with everyone. Ask them how they do that lift. Compliment each other. You’ll find that you’re just the same as then, you just have your own unique body you’re starting with! By the end of it, you’ll have some new friends, new strength, and who knows what else?
@jrsinct The general advice is that you're only competing against yourself. But it's especially true in this case - there is no chance that within the next couple months you will be the strongest person in that room. Untrained women cannot lift as much weight as men, and no one expects you to be as strong as the guys who have been lifting before. So you don't have to worry about competing with them, because you're in a different weight class, so to speak. Just worry about getting stronger, and the people there who aren't just there to goof around will respect that more than the raw numbers the goof-arounders will put up without working for it.
lilpeoplez
New member
@jrsinct I did the same thing in HS and only had one friend in the class. While I am bigger than you, I have noodle arms and had to start with benching the bar only.
I don’t know what encouragement to offer you, but I will tell you that my class set me up for so much more confidence going forward. I built strength I didn’t know I could. A decade later I still have more confidence to go to the gym because I’ve got some experience using different machines
I don’t know what encouragement to offer you, but I will tell you that my class set me up for so much more confidence going forward. I built strength I didn’t know I could. A decade later I still have more confidence to go to the gym because I’ve got some experience using different machines
heartofberries
New member
@jrsinct This is totally a fake-it-till-you-make-it situation. Like, you know they don't care, and that their opinions don't matter. You already KNOW that. But feelings don't care about what you know, I totally get that. And that's ok too. It's ok to feel intimidated and nervous. Just don't let it stop you from doing it. Fake your bravery. And the more times you do it, the easier it will get, and the REAL confidence will come.
Also, most people aren't dicks, even if it feels like it sometimes. Your classmates are likely to be encouraging. Don't read it as mocking. I was the slowest kid in my class and always felt like people were making fun of me when they cheered me on, but they weren't. I was so lost in being discouraged and mad at myself that I twisted up a good thing and hurt myself with it. You don't have to lift what the football players do to be worthy of praise and respect. You belong in that space too.
And lastly like... try not to put expectations on yourself, and be ok with failing sometimes. All those guys have and will continue to fail sometimes too. Don't try and Prove Yourself all the time. You're there to learn and try and get better - you don't have to be the Petite Power Poster Child. Don't put that additional pressure on yourself.
You're going to be great! I have faith in you!
Also, most people aren't dicks, even if it feels like it sometimes. Your classmates are likely to be encouraging. Don't read it as mocking. I was the slowest kid in my class and always felt like people were making fun of me when they cheered me on, but they weren't. I was so lost in being discouraged and mad at myself that I twisted up a good thing and hurt myself with it. You don't have to lift what the football players do to be worthy of praise and respect. You belong in that space too.
And lastly like... try not to put expectations on yourself, and be ok with failing sometimes. All those guys have and will continue to fail sometimes too. Don't try and Prove Yourself all the time. You're there to learn and try and get better - you don't have to be the Petite Power Poster Child. Don't put that additional pressure on yourself.
You're going to be great! I have faith in you!
bellathebluejay
New member
@jrsinct Girl I totally feel you! I’m 23, pretty small, and use 5-8lb dumbbells for my arm exercises.
everyone’s gotta start somewhere! don’t focus on other people, just focus on your person growth. once you start making noticeable gains, you’ll be so motivated to keep going that it won’t matter what anyone else thinks!
everyone’s gotta start somewhere! don’t focus on other people, just focus on your person growth. once you start making noticeable gains, you’ll be so motivated to keep going that it won’t matter what anyone else thinks!
jesusishere
New member
@jrsinct Don’t worry about the other kids. You took this class for you. While some of the other kids will judge you and be mean (turns out adults in their 20s, 30’s, and 40,s will do the same shit), some may be helpful as well!
Be about YOU. Better yourself. Build yourself. Learn. This isn’t the Olympic arena haha. This is a class where you truly get to work on yourself and take a more active role in your physical health.
Be about YOU. Better yourself. Build yourself. Learn. This isn’t the Olympic arena haha. This is a class where you truly get to work on yourself and take a more active role in your physical health.
@jrsinct After a few classes, some familiarity will set in and it won't feel exactly the same! Until then, if I was there, I would observe how the other people seem to feel/act (relaxed, motivated, experimenting) and try to find how to replicate that in myself.
And at your weight, you'll be lifting less at first. But I wouldn't be surprised if you had really fast gains!
I'm impressed (and a little jealous!) that you're in that class in high school! I wished I had been brave enough. I started in college in the gym and loved it, but I would have liked a group experience to learn. Good luck, you're gonna crush it!
And at your weight, you'll be lifting less at first. But I wouldn't be surprised if you had really fast gains!
I'm impressed (and a little jealous!) that you're in that class in high school! I wished I had been brave enough. I started in college in the gym and loved it, but I would have liked a group experience to learn. Good luck, you're gonna crush it!
@jrsinct As a former 17 year old girl (uhh 23 years ago) I WISH I had done a strength training class when I was your age. Imagine where I'd be now if I had, and if I'd stuck with it.
Here's my advice. Go in there and take your training as seriously as the biggest toughest most hardworking determined guy there. )If they're all goofballs, aim higher than the hardest working guy.) If the coaches are sending subtle signals to take it easy, push back and ask (verbally or not) to be taken seriously.
You may not be lifting the same weights as them, but you can work just as hard. You have a TON of potential, ironically you have more room to grow the weaker you start.
And make friends with the other girl. Encourage her like we're encouraging you. Lift each other up, you're both gonna kick so much butt if you take yourselves seriously.
Here's my advice. Go in there and take your training as seriously as the biggest toughest most hardworking determined guy there. )If they're all goofballs, aim higher than the hardest working guy.) If the coaches are sending subtle signals to take it easy, push back and ask (verbally or not) to be taken seriously.
You may not be lifting the same weights as them, but you can work just as hard. You have a TON of potential, ironically you have more room to grow the weaker you start.
And make friends with the other girl. Encourage her like we're encouraging you. Lift each other up, you're both gonna kick so much butt if you take yourselves seriously.
fullofspirit
New member
@jrsinct I’m also 17. I’m 5’5 and around 160-165 lbs, used to play football and have always had a stronger build. There was a weightlifting unit in one of my gym classes and a lot of the girls (including me) felt self conscious about how much weight they were lifting, if they were doing it right, etc.
The most important thing is to not let any of them bother you. If you’re allowed to listen to music, I highly recommend it. You are allowed, just as much as they are, to take up space and use the weights.
Personal example, but at the beginning of the year, I could barely bench the bar. Going in every week and working at it, progressing my lifts and ignoring the little knot in my stomach when I “took” a bench from a dude who could easily bench press my body weight was what allowed me to get stronger, both mentally and physically.
Also, most of the gym bros will be too busy trying to either impress their friends or the ~girls~ to judge you for lifting 20 lbs. Just take deep breaths and repeat that you’ve got just as much a right to the equipment as they do, and you’ll eventually pass through that wall of discomfort every time you go in. Good luck!
The most important thing is to not let any of them bother you. If you’re allowed to listen to music, I highly recommend it. You are allowed, just as much as they are, to take up space and use the weights.
Personal example, but at the beginning of the year, I could barely bench the bar. Going in every week and working at it, progressing my lifts and ignoring the little knot in my stomach when I “took” a bench from a dude who could easily bench press my body weight was what allowed me to get stronger, both mentally and physically.
Also, most of the gym bros will be too busy trying to either impress their friends or the ~girls~ to judge you for lifting 20 lbs. Just take deep breaths and repeat that you’ve got just as much a right to the equipment as they do, and you’ll eventually pass through that wall of discomfort every time you go in. Good luck!
@jrsinct girl i am 4’11” and many times the only girl in the weight room but it doesn’t matter where you start it’s so badass that you’re doing it!! focus on your progress and working to your own goals and only compare yourself to your past self and compete with yourself because everyone else’s journey is irrelevant. take the time to learn things the right way and hey maybe one day people will be intimidated by how well you know your shit, either way, focus on yourself and really getting the most out of the class for you, bc that’s what it’s all about! 
iamjoannaa
New member
@jrsinct I was in this exact situation in high school. I felt awkward at first but I worked hard and was treated like any other student in the class. I obviously wasn’t the strongest person there, but by the end of the semester I also was not the weakest. This was 20 years ago when women being into weightlifting was not nearly as common as it is now. I think if you try your best, ask for help when you need it, and learn to spot the guys with their lifts you will find your way.
@jrsinct There’s a ton of great advice here and stories of shared experiences but I just want to remind you that gyms are supposed to be supportive environments and in my experience the culture and the people of a good weightlifting room are 95% supportive (as in, 1/20 people is going to be a total jerk but usually they know better).
Weightlifting is a “solo sport” but you rely on spotters to keep you safe. When you are starting out, almost everyone relies on people more experienced to teach them good form as they are lifting and most importantly, most group weightlifting environments like this are really supportive. They cheer each other on when they are trying for new PR’s no matter if someone else’s PR is 1/8 the weight of their PR.
I hope you have this experience because it was mine when I started weightlifting with a close knit group of bros and it changed the way I felt about my body’s capabilities.
Weightlifting is a “solo sport” but you rely on spotters to keep you safe. When you are starting out, almost everyone relies on people more experienced to teach them good form as they are lifting and most importantly, most group weightlifting environments like this are really supportive. They cheer each other on when they are trying for new PR’s no matter if someone else’s PR is 1/8 the weight of their PR.
I hope you have this experience because it was mine when I started weightlifting with a close knit group of bros and it changed the way I felt about my body’s capabilities.
@jrsinct I don't blame you for being intimidated!! It would make me self-conscious too. Especially when the guys are lifting so much more than me
That being said, difficult things are often worth doing. And here's the thing - everyone knows that you're not a football player. That's not a secret, I suspect it's pretty obvious to everyone. And so no one is going to be surprised or judge you for not lifting what the football players lift.
One thing I've learned is to ask for help when it's hard to be brave. Can you tell one of the coaches how you're feeling? He might be able to give you a pep talk, give you a little extra support through the semester, or even connect you with some women who lift.
My other piece of advice is that people will often treat you how you expect to be treated. So if you go in there feeling embarrassed, making excuses for why you're using lighter weights, and talking yourself down, people will think of you that way. But if your attitude is better, like, this is something I want to learn, if you get excited when you make progress, if you're open to coaching and friendly to the other people in the gym, then the guys will see you in that light. So I think it's really important to project the right attitude, even if you don't always feel it inside.
That being said, difficult things are often worth doing. And here's the thing - everyone knows that you're not a football player. That's not a secret, I suspect it's pretty obvious to everyone. And so no one is going to be surprised or judge you for not lifting what the football players lift.
One thing I've learned is to ask for help when it's hard to be brave. Can you tell one of the coaches how you're feeling? He might be able to give you a pep talk, give you a little extra support through the semester, or even connect you with some women who lift.
My other piece of advice is that people will often treat you how you expect to be treated. So if you go in there feeling embarrassed, making excuses for why you're using lighter weights, and talking yourself down, people will think of you that way. But if your attitude is better, like, this is something I want to learn, if you get excited when you make progress, if you're open to coaching and friendly to the other people in the gym, then the guys will see you in that light. So I think it's really important to project the right attitude, even if you don't always feel it inside.