teen girl intimidated by mostly-male strength training class

@jrsinct You must remember that how heavy the weight your lifting is relative to your bodyweight and biological sex. For example, a 70kg man benching 40kg is super beginner standard. On the other hand, a 70kg woman benching 40kg is almost intermediate level, quite impressive I'd say because it requires alot of training and dedication unlike the 70kg man who is just using default untrained strength he did not work for. Don't compare yourself to the men, you're not even playing the same game. The effort you exert in getting stronger, form technique, and the rate of your progression is much more important than heavy weights.

I also used to be super scrawny with spaghetti limbs. The gym I started lifting at mostly had big buff dudes in the weight area. I weighed 46kg and would just bench like 5-10kg, super baby weight. Eventually made it to 20kg after a few months and this one massive dude with a really nice Nigerian accent was like, damn you are very strong now! Because this dude understands the lift, he knew that 20kg is heavy relative to my body weight. So yeah, don't worry. The people who respect the art will understand.
 
@jrsinct The great thing about weightlifting is that you are only competing against your past self and no one else. If you are struggling with that 20 lbs weight, make it a goal to not struggle with it by the end of the term. There's a reason why gym-goers talk about PRs which means Personal Record so just start where you are comfortable, and be your Personal Best!
 
@jrsinct Maybe talk to the teachers privately and let them know how you’re feeling so they can be aware of your fears and help you when needed?

I’m 20F and the only reason I started going to the gym regularly / weightlifting was because I reconnected with a friend who generously offered to train me, but people who don’t have friends to teach them have to pay hundreds of dollars for personal trainers later in life. A high school strength training class is an amazing opportunity to learn a lifelong skill that not many people have, so props to you for even signing up and I hope you stick with it!
 
@jrsinct First of all, good for you! Doing something great for yourself!

If I was in your shoes I'd watch and observe the people and kind of gage who you'd get along with... I know it is SUPER hard to even start a conversation especially with a bunch of strangers who seem to know eachother already.

I don't know how you are personally, but I have always found it easier to talk to guys than girls and for me it wouldn't bother me to be in a class with all guys... When I was in high school I took a class called information technology and I was the ONLY girl haha 😄 but they were all geeks so easy to befriend haha.

I guess my advice would be to be yourself and try to have fun with the experience rather than focusing too much on how others could perseve of you. (Which is easier said than done, I know)
 
@jrsinct This is coming from an adult, but all I have to say is, struggle with those 20 lbs weights. Then move up when you're good and ready.

You are going to the gym for you and you alone.

I personally am not competitive, so I do not care if someone is doing worse or better than I am. Don't push yourself into increasing weights or doung things just because others are, move up in strength when you feel ready to.

I go to a gym with classes and trainers, about half men and women. I've had a guy ask me "hey, prettypony, are you going to go up in weights" and I just responded with a chipper short but kind "no." I typically don't talk much during my workouts, and I'm typically last to finish the reps, but I don't care because all that matters is that I finish and do my best.

Focus on you and your needs, no one else there matters.

Edit: I find that mist people in my gym are supportive of eachothers progress.
 
@jrsinct I haven't been 17 for a bit, but I think most guys that age will think it's cool you even care about strength training enough to dedicate yourself to a class. Show up ready to push yourself and put in the work and I think respect will quickly follow. I weight lifted with a bunch of guys in high school and it was really fun after the first few weeks (I was pretty shy). Everyone was just trying to beat their personal bests and encourage each other, for the most part. The dudes will probably compete with each other, but I doubt they will care about your weights at all. And remember, they are all self conscious too!
 
@jrsinct You can do this!! The more you go the more you’ll realise that this is fun and no one is watching what you get up to. Small weights are just fine - one persons small weights are someone else’s personal best and it’s what you’re happy with that counts. Just being there is awesome
 
@jrsinct Ditto what the other comments said. Two other things: I want to throw out there that weightlifting isn't a linear experience, and all of our bodies are different. My boyfriend is significantly stronger than me, but I am more flexible than him by a lot. While he can squat more, my form is a lot cleaner. This isn't to say it's a competition; I try to avoid thinking about it that way because there are always going to be people stronger than me. But we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and I wouldn't assume that you are starting off drastically behind anyone! They may struggle in ways you won't, and vice versa.

20lbs might not be much to the guys in the class, but for someone
 
@jrsinct I'm a similar build and experienced too much harassment growing up for the usual advice of "no one's even paying attention to you!" to ever work for me.

If you're the same, I can tell you that 1) your future self will thank you for sticking this class out even when you feel uncomfortable and 2) there's nothing embarrassing about struggling with whatever is heavy for you! Heavy is relative and the weight room is humbling for everyone at some point, even your bigger classmates.

When I started lifting, I was 27, ~90 lbs, and a 20 lb weight was extremely heavy for me too. I'm 31 now, ~100 lbs, and I can pick up a person who's 1.5x my weight.

My actual numbers are not necessarily "impressive" compared to other people's but I'm proud of myself! Avoid the comparison trap as much as possible and focus on getting the right form more than hitting numbers that you think you should be able to do. 20 lbs is more than 20% of your bodyweight so keep that in mind too if you start feeling like you're behind other people.

I also follow lots of other tiny women who are strong like Marisa Inda, Heather Connor, Morgan King, and Sohee Lee. That helped a lot in the beginning to remind me that I was capable of becoming stronger, even if it wasn't happening quickly.

Also don't forget to eat enough to help feed those muscles! 🙂
 
@jrsinct Can you make friends with the other girl?

Also I just want to say that it’s badass that you are taking this class! I never would have had the confidence to do that as a teen.
 
@dawn16 agreed... my high school had a weights room that was open every day at lunch but I was too scared to join since there wasn’t a single girl in there. I wish I had the courage to have gone, it would have been a way better use of my lunch break than chatting/ gossiping about stupid stuff.
 
@dawn16 I second the "badass" aspect. I was of similar size and weight at OP's age and wouldn't have had enough confidence to do it then! If I could, I'd tell 17 year old me to pick up those weights and start somewhere. It's hard at first, but you build respect for yourself and generally others will follow! Besides, you'll feel great the stronger you get.
 
@jrsinct Also a teen girl here! Props to you for getting yourself out there — I don't know if the weightlifting class at your school was as visible as ours, but I would be way too intimidated to pull the trigger on that class. I think this will be an awesome experience just b/c you're leaving the comfort zone™!

Anyway, I'm not too experienced with this subject b/c I have never worked out in a group setting, but maybe it would help trying to reach out a little to the other girl in the class. Maybe just ask for a form check when she's not with her buds + use that to strike up a convo — easier said than done, but it's worth a shot :) I always try to assume people are good and helpful before I assume they'll be assholes, even if they're sporty kids (whom historically haven't been the best)! She'll probably understand where you're coming from relative to the rest of the class, even if she's more comfortable in the environment.
 
@jrsinct
  1. Everybody's been there--even the buffest guy in that room, at one point, was a twig/weak/self conscious about what others in the gym would think of him. I guarantee that each and every person in that class, including the coaches, sympathizes with you.
  2. Following #1, your gym-peers are probably happy to see somebody working on themselves. Another redditor commented that they're probably too busy looking at their own bodies to look at yours, but even if they do look at yours, I'm 99.9999% they don't care that you're 96 lbs--they're happy that you're making an effort to put on some more mass and become a healthier looking weight.
As someone who was in your position at one point in time, stick with the class! Once you start seeing results you'll be so happy you got over that initial hump of anxiety.
 
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