teen girl intimidated by mostly-male strength training class

[bond_servant]

@jrsinct Hey OP, I started training at 19 with an adult class because it was something to do with my mom (who is my best friend). When I first started I was taken aside and made to use a specific training bar which was lighter than what everyone else was using, even women who were half a foot shorter than me. The instructor was NOT nice about it either, something like, “no! That’s to heavy for you, you’re doing it all wrong, move over there with the training bars”. Was he right? Yes. Was there any issue with having to start so much lighter? No. But did it embarrass the crap out of me to be moved out of the class activity and made to do practice stuff alone with just the trainer? Yes. So I get it, it’s super hard at the beginning. Everything is new, and the gym is a testosterone charged environment. Very intimidating at first. All I can say is to stick with it because it can change your life. I’m 25 now and I’ve met friends, a bunch of connections for my work (lawyer) and completely changed my mindset on body image issues and disordered eating.

Plus, as someone with gym and personal training experience, even those guys who can lift more than you right now despite having no muscle mass just because they’re guys have no clue what they’re doing yet. You’re all there to learn! My guess is you’re about to make new friends and see a bunch of progress, both mental and physical. Stick with it OP, it’s not going to be easy, you’re probably going to be sore for the next two weeks, but after that it’s all going to work out (sorry, bad pun). You’ve got this!

 

[miumiu520]

@jrsinct I didn’t lift 20lbs until I was in my mid-20s. It was just cardio cardio cardio. I wish I had started sooner! Proud of you!

 

[nursingninja]

@jrsinct Aw hun I know how it feels to be one of the minority - even with all the improvements in the past few decades I was very often one of two or three women in my engineering courses in school. Can you befriend the other girl? Some solidarity might help. I understand high school social situations can be tricky though. Like others have said, remember why you’re there! In all likelihood, everyone else is feeling self conscious for their own reasons and isn’t paying as much attention to your presence/fitness levels as you think. It’s easy to get caught up in our own heads. Just stick it out and focus on your gains! You’ve got this!

 

[teampancho]

@jrsinct Don't let that feeling pull you away from what you want to do. I've missed out on a lot of things I wanted to do because either felt intimated by men and strong women as a thicker girl in the gym or just feeling I couldn't take up space. I didn't feel like I was allowed to do those things because I wasn't XYZ123.

I've lost weight and still feel intimated but I show up for ME. And I've gotten over taken selfies of myself at the gym so I can document that I showed up and be able to look back on it when I get fitter and be like "Wow, I'm so happy I showed up for myself and didn't let my insecurities and over thinking get the best of me."

 

[nomz84]

@jrsinct In college we had to take a physical fitness class every semester and I chose weight training for several. I had your stats exactly- 5’1 96 lbs. I was trying to build mass on my legs and butt. This was in 2006-8 before it was cool for women to weight train so I’d literally be one of two or three women. I was worried I’d look silly.

No one cared lol. The class was structured so that you went at your own pace and made your own schedule. The professor was a track instructor so I think it was a blow off class for him. He didn’t do much so I’m not sure how yours is structured, ie if you need to work in pairs or watch each other lift. Everyone left each other alone except the friends who trained together. I didn’t have friends, so I was just by myself working hard. It was so chill and I never felt anxious about how I looked after that.

Don’t worry. You have first time jitters but those go away with experience! Have fun

 

[threecrosses]

@jrsinct A really cool and fun thing about being shorter/smaller: once you have built some muscle base, you can get AMAZING at bodyweight skills (like gymnasts--think of how they're always built). You after a year or two of training, vs. some 6'6'' 250lb hulk, guess who may be able to do more pull ups or push ups? Probably you.

 

[mayello]

@jrsinct One of the biggest regrets of my younger years was not doing things I wanted because I was the only girl in the room. Keep at it! Have fun, get strong, be the badass you are.

(Side note: super jealous that’s a class! My high school was so funding-strapped that one year they cancelled all gym among other classes, until the state stepped in.)

 

[teresa85]

@jrsinct As a women in STEM, I've been in that position a LOT in my life. The first time I found myself being the only girl in my tech class in high school I felt really intimidated. But the best thing you can do is just kick ass at it! Try not to think of yourself as any different than the rest of the class, you deserve to be there too. Don't feel bad asking for help either. You don't need help because you're a small girl in a big guy class, you need help because you're new and the only way to get better is to ask.

That first tech class I had in high school in the beginning I got a lot of extra help from the teacher. Not only was I the only girl, I was the only one in the class who had never worked with him before. I didn't know the shop rules or how to solder like everyone else. But I did know how to pay attention and listen to directions, something all the "experienced" students often neglected. I did as instructed, asked questions when I was confused and time after time my project was done faster and better than everyone else who thought they were too good for help. I may have gotten special treatment at first because I was the odd girl out, but I used that advantage to show them being a girl doesn't fucking matter, having a brain does.

Keep being a badass. I hope you enjoy the class!

 

[melodyonpoint]

@jrsinct I was in your position!!! In high school I signed up for weight training. There were probably 30 guys and 4 girls. I wasn’t friends with the girls. I was also scrawny, 5’4, 105lbs. It helped that my coaches were really great and supportive. I ended up learning so much about lifting in that class that I use today still, 5+ years later. Also I’m still scrawny! But I’m strong and fit, and have about 10lbs of muscle I didn’t have in high school. Remember you really are young. Gaining weight and strength will come with both experience and getting older. Take advantage of this experience to learn how to lift, it’s a valuable skill you’ll take with you for life!

 

[mitchie225]

@jrsinct Here's the secret about most meathead lifter guys: the biggest danger is getting them talking too much about lifting. Then you have to try to get them to stop.

Your coaches are going to be as invested in your progress as you are. As long as you show up, work hard, take coaching cues, and have a positive attitude - you are going to have a great experience. Plus, your fellow male classmates may end up being an unexpected source of support.

Everytime you feel intimidated, remind yourself that being new and out of place just means that you are about to grow as a person. Stay open to that feeling and it will reward you all of your life.

 

[chugchu]

@jrsinct Being 17 was so damn hard! In my experience, I was so self conscious. I thought everyone was looking at me and constantly judging me. I had the option of joining a weight training class but decided not to due to this exact reason. Looking back, I so regret it. I could’ve learned so much about fitness and form instead of much later in life.

I know it’s scary but sometimes you just gotta push through. I’m sure all the males in the class are just as self conscious or only focused on themselves/the other guys.

High school is so short and there’s such a bigger world out there. Focus of your goals and not what others are thinking. You got this!

 

[dawn16]

@jrsinct Can you recruit a friend or female teacher to join? There's strength in numbers!

 

[candies1995]

@jrsinct Have fun! I was in your shoes a few (okay 8) years ago. One of two women, and the other gal was literally a pro softball player, and most of the guys in class were athletes. No judgements from the others in my class. If anything, more experienced lifters were excited for me because beginners get gains fast.

 

[jmusinga]

@jrsinct Ask teacher/coach for advice. Tell them you wanna get big, but you don't know anybody in the class and you feel really out of place. Chances are, they'll either pair you with somebody to help you and it'll be some awkward flirting at first, or they're an asshole and tell you that you lift rocks because that's what they have in their skull.

Bodybuilding is an incredibly goal-oriented thing, and people who know about it or are serious, respect other people who are clear about their goals. You are at point A and you want to be at point B, they either help you or seem like they don't know how in front of a scrawny teenage girl.

 

[qwixilver]

@jrsinct Reading your description of the situation I thought, "That sounds great. No expectations to live up to. Everything she does will be impressive."

If they are thinking much about you (which as others have said, they likely aren't), they probably think you're kind of badass for being in weight lifting at all. If you can't lift much at first they won't think anything of it, because you're the smallest in the class. Of COURSE you can't lift as much as them! But as you improve, literally every step of the way will be impressive.

 

[shiningholylight]

@jrsinct I was in your exact same position, except it was when I was 15 not 17. Literally same position - one of two women in a room full of men, male coach. They could not care less, I was still intimidated. I wish I'd stuck with it.

Just breathe - focus on your form - focus on what YOU are doing. Take it one day at a time. You've got this Everybody's gotta start SOMEWHERE - you'll be stronger before you know it!!

 

[deenamathew]

@jrsinct Keep at it as you are going to experience this a lot in life and this will be good practice. Good job! I know its scary!

 

[cupoftea]

@jrsinct lady lifter and teacher here!! i would focus on learning to kick ass at form. get some books, like starting strength by mark ripptoe. find good youtube channels and own the technique. learn anatomy. which mucles do what? you like body building? weightlifting? powerlifting? strongman? crossfit? dudes never fuck with me or scare me at the gym anymore cause i know (and they also come to see) that my knowledge base is better than theirs. that being said, i always have an open mind and am super friendly. never a bad idea to get a bunch of beefy dudes on your team. youll be so happy with yourself this time next year! edit: couldnt squat 20kgs whwn i started, now i squat 93kg and i weigh 69kg

 

[johnm8269]

@jrsinct Good for you! I know it is intimidating but I think you should stick it out for a few reasons. 1- You are embracing your inner badass. 2- Learn this stuff now or you gotta pay someone to teach it to you later. 3- The confidence you will gain from this will help you in gyms in the future and (hopefully!) ward off many “helpful” suggestions from others. 4- Stick this out and you will be proud of yourself twice over. Once for the physical challenge, once for the mental/emotional challenge. 5- Any guy that would mock you for lifting less than him doesn’t understand biology and it isn’t worth worrying about his opinion. You got this!

 

[ligerheart25]

@johnm8269 Seriously to that last point! Any guy who made one single comment about your low starting weights would be smacked down pretty fast by his pals. They all know how biology works and that a woman has to work twice as hard to lift the weight, at least initially. Plus any fool guy who said anything about that would find himself never having a girlfriend, ever…