Flaky friend gave me newfound motivation and self respect (plus I’m 7 lbs down!)

[hillsong2014]

My best friend and I have been working out M-F mornings together for the last 6 months. I am NOT a morning person, but because she starts work earlier than I do, I force myself to wake up at 6 so we can work out together at 7.

I’d make my coffee, change, and sit around in my workout clothes ready to go at 7 and wait for her “I’m here” text while mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. I realized I was wasting up to 2 hours this way. Things like “oops woke up late! Be there in an hour” were an almost daily occurrence.

Over time, it really started to upset me because I could have slept in longer had I known, or done something more productive with my time. After all, I’m waking my ass up at 6am to work around HER schedule!

I should mention I absolutely loathe conflict and confrontation, so I’d quietly harbor resentment inside but just brush it off. Until a few weeks ago.

If I’m ready at 7, why SHOULDN’T I just set that appointment with myself right? What was I gaining scrolling through my feed for hours in my workout clothes, like a puppy waiting for further instructions? So that’s exactly what I started doing. At 7, boom I’m in the gym. I’m now able to squeeze in a 6 mile run (while binge watching Hulu) all before she even gets here in the mornings. Which is awesome because I’m in such a great mood by then that any resentment brewing is just gone. She sees how drenched in sweat I am, and I casually brush it off as “oh I was dressed and ready so I was just catching up on shows.” It’s perfect.

I’m able to avoid confrontation while sending the message “I’m not going to wait around for you.” It has done wonders for my morning routine and it just feels damn good to be able to keep the promises I make to myself, which I’ve struggled to do my whole
life. I’ve caught up on tons of TV (esp shows my husband wouldn’t care to watch with me) my mental health has never been better, and the cake is that I’m now getting 2-3x the exercise that I would each day had I waited around for her, and as a result have already lost 7 lbs.

If you have a flaky friend, DON’T sit around and use them as an excuse to put off exercise. Don’t complain and grow resentful. Respect yourself. Get up. Move. In a few weeks time, you’re going to surpass them with flying colors and wish you had started sooner.

Thank you for listening to my TED talk.

 

[reachouttothelost]

@hillsong2014 Haha, excellent TED talk. I like the part of being so happy after getting the run in that all the resentment has just melted away. Go you.

 

[dawn16]

@hillsong2014 I've been working out with my cousin and sometimes my best friend. I love them both! But sometimes they flake on the workout I thought we would schedule and it would bum me out. Now I usually just go with my schedule and if they don't wanna go, I don't fret on it!

 

[hillsong2014]

@dawn16 Yess! I don’t know why I didn’t just adopt this mentality sooner lol

 

[temi]

@hillsong2014 That's awesome! Your line about silently harbouring resentment inside while brushing it off externally spoke to my soul haha

I'm interested...has the fact that you aren't waiting around for her made her show up on time?

 

[hillsong2014]

@temi Oh gosh brushing things off is the story of my life lol.

She’s definitely noticing and there are slightly more mornings where she shows up on time. Just slightly though

 

[davidthebookworm]

@hillsong2014 You go, glen coco! It's empowering, and I bet, just bet, she's probably getting jealous.

 

[dawn16]

@hillsong2014 Lmao. That's such a refreshing and IDGAF kinda attitude. And I LOL at the last line

 

[tomisin]

@hillsong2014 You're wonderful

 

[dawn16]

@hillsong2014 Prime example of you doing YOU!

 

[zain]

@hillsong2014 love this, and although this isn’t the point of the story i’m so jealous how you can scroll through IG for hours before your workout and your phone isn’t dead AND binge hulu during your workout. my gym doesnt have wifi and phone dies in like 1 hr with that much use))))

 

[hillsong2014]

@zain I should clarify, we use the community gym in my apartment so I’m just hanging out at home while I wait (with phone charger!)

 

[dawn16]

@hillsong2014 I just cannot work out with a friend for this very reason! I hate to depend in other people‘s flakiness plus it‘s me alone-time.

 

[jezyum]

@hillsong2014 The older you get, the less time you have for BS friends in your life.

I'm really happy you made a change that seems to be working for you, but I hope you can find a way to safely express your feelings to the people in your life! It's not unreasonable to say something like, "hey, it seems like you're having a hard time making it at our agreed on time. Is this still working for you?" all the way up to "Hey, it really bugs me when you're not on time. I'm frustrated when I have to wait on you, but I really love working out with you. What should we change?"

Being able to raise the subject when things aren't working for you matters for all areas of life - work, friends, relationships, etc. Drawing healthy boundaries about what you will and won't accept in how people treat you is an essential part of wellness.

Normally I wouldn't be so direct, but the line about waiting two hours for your friend (!!!!!) really caught my eye. Might be worth thinking about your own sense of self acceptance and worth - sounds like you're already on the right track with your exercise by just doing you!

 

[josephjnapoleon]

@hillsong2014 I would not be able to tolerate any adult who does this. I’m not the most punctual person ever but making someone wait for you on a daily basis is ridiculous, especially if it’s for their schedule. It makes total sense to start your workout whenever you want to.

I don’t think it’s confrontational to tell a friend when they’re messing up. I’m sure you’d be fine with hearing constructive feedback.

 

[barrettf50cal]

@hillsong2014 This exact thing happened to me! One of my Coworkers convinced me to join a gym with her, even though I really didnt want to.

We went together a few times but then she started flaking. I kept going and lost 13kg in total. I still go to gym to this day. Honestly I'm really thankful for her because it made me change, even if she didn't keep up with it.

 

[wildlavender]

@hillsong2014 Well done champ!

I’ve particularly ensured to never work my routine around anyone else so that no matter what, I’m only accountable to myself.

That way it’s a nice-to-have when my schedule overlaps with friends, but it’s never an expectation. It works for me especially as I’m also a morning person and actually struggle to go at night - I would be the flaky friend if I was meeting them at 6pm instead of 6am.

I’m sure you’ll smash your next target

 

[tlimgtlio3339]

@hillsong2014 I used to go running with my neighbor. After one too many times of showing up at her door, and her not being awake, I started going on my own. Once I’m dressed and ready I’m going!!! Good for you! Not letting her excuses be your excuses.

 

[jennifert50]

@hillsong2014 Good for you! Time is so valuable and you gotta use it to your advantage.

 

[dejikamson]

@hillsong2014 My roommate said she would work out with me (we joined a 5 week weight loss competition) and I worked out by myself every single day, twice a day, for 5 weeks. I’ve lost 10 lbs and she hasn’t lost any and keeps saying “I’m eating good though so I’m fine, I’ll start losing weight soon”. It was really hard to stay motivated in the beginning but now I keep going because I feel good. Who cares if she’s there?