How do I tell a girl in the gym to leave me alone without hurting her feelings?

[zoznoz]

@jeannie36 Just in case you already haven't done that, make sure you're not smiling or saying any unnecessary words. Be like a robot. Is my form fine? Yes. What time is it? 5:15. Don't stop what you're doing when you respond. All that will make her not want to talk to you. It might take 2 occasions so she notices a pattern but IMO headphones aren't fool proof because A) you're making her assume if it wasn't for those evil headphones you'd be all over her and B) you're a total chicken for relying on having that magical item that grants you a wish of being left alone.

 

[50piecesteve]

@jeannie36 It sounds like she has a crush on you. Try the earbuds thing first, and if that doesn't work pick up a cheap/fake wedding band and make sure she sees it next time. If she comments that she's never noticed the band before just tell her that you prefer not to wear it to the gym since it pinches your fingers sometimes, but today you forgot to leave it at home.

 

[xxthecapnxx]

@jeannie36 Why is everyone saying 'beat around the bush'? If the genders were reversed, ya'll would be tearing into the person bothering the OP. I'm going to go ahead and say, be honest.

Just tell her you arent interested in socializing while working out, normal people dont pick apart every single, nuance a person has in conversation. So, 'wearing headphones' is not going to keep you safe forever. Say what you mean, do not play guessing games. On the chance she is interested in you, respect your fellow human enough to be upfront about your personal boundaries. You owe her no explanation as to why, just say "Hey, while I really appreciate your effort to make a friend, I am here to excercise and I dont really want to be distracted".

The average Joe/Jane generally respect defined boundaries without much enforcement.

On the off chance she a psycho stalker OP, you're s.o.l. and on your own bro.

 

[camcraw]

@jeannie36 I think some of these comments are being a little too biased - if a woman was asking the same advice we would be saying be FIRM and AGGRESSIVE. This is your space and don’t let anyone else take it away! I think the same applies. Maybe she’s hitting on him, maybe she’s just nervous and wants a safe space, the point is OP just wants to be left alone and that’s ok. Prepare something to say to her the next time she pops up and say it firmly with a polite smile, like “Hey, I’m sorry but I’ve got to be focusing on my workout from now on. Maybe ask a trainer these things?” Don’t answer her question. Just say the line, then maybe pop in another “sorry!” as you turn away and continue your workout. She’ll get over it.

 

[brianlear]

@jeannie36 So I'm introverted to the point of coming across as an asshole sometimes. Here's my take on it. Either take the nicer route and tell her that you're not sure how to help her with her form and that there are other people who could help her better than you can, OR you could do what I do at the gym and wear large headphones and a ballcap to make it obvious that you are in the zone and do not want to be bothered.

 

[dawn16]

@jeannie36 Maybe start farting and picking your nose at the right times for a few weeks. Or have a 'friend' come and flirt with you instead?

 

[ktcox67]

@jeannie36 From a female point of view, just say sorry I don’t have the time for your questions and point her in the right direction of someone who could!

 

[ed1301]

@jeannie36 Very similar comment. Be honest and straightforward. 'Sorry, I'm not interested in a workout buddy.'

Possible motivations for her to talk to you even though you're not the most fit/'in the know' is that she might feel safe around you in an intimidating space. This means more than just physical fitness... it means she reads you as a non-creep. (You aren't sexualizing her or even looking at her as a girlfriend. That can be very freeing)

Several years ago I was at a gym and people were hogging the squat racks. I wanted to get in my squats, but didnt want to wait for the HOUR that these guys would take. (I asked and 'no they couldnt fit me between sets' even-though-they'd-take-15-min-rest-breaks) I had to ask someone to spot me. I'd been in this gym for a while and had been ogled in the weight room (ick) so I specifically asked someone who seemed like he just wanted to get his workout done. He was a really good sport about it and I tried not to take too much time (he fit helping me in between his sets and I didnt talk to him much.)

I am really grateful that that guy was there to help me when the factors made it harder to accomplish my goals.

(And this gym mostly offered trainers for 'training sessions' not for small help with form,and how to use equipment or spotting.)

 

[sabro]

@jeannie36 Are there other female lifters there around the time you go? I wonder if she's seeking advice and you look like the most approachable person around? Are there trainers around that she could ask instead? If yes and she is just making conversation then I agree with what others have said.

 

[kuku]

@jeannie36 use earphones and ignore her...

 

[dawn16]

@jeannie36 Ask her if she knows any hot guys.

 

[kimbri]

@jeannie36 Do not apologize or laugh off your discomfort as I’ve seen others suggest and don’t play an elaborate social game with your headphones - either use them or don’t. These indirect actions will send a mixed message, make it look like you’re not being serious, or
perhaps encourage her further. Short and simple and to the point: “It’s best to ask a trainer those questions. I’ve got to finish my workout and head out. Thanks for understanding.” Firm but polite. End of discussion. Lather, rinse, repeat as needed. If she continues to bother you, alert gym management. If a woman was being repeatedly bothered while working out, no one would suggest that she apologize or laugh off her discomfort. (SOURCE: am woman).

 

[painterly789]

@kimbri Honestly, what happens when people forget their headphones? Do they quit on their workout?

Lose the security blanket and use communication to get the point across. You can be polite and communicate. I'm really shocked that using headphones is a top comment.

 

[kimbri]

@painterly789 Damn right.

 

[dawn16]

@jeannie36 I guess if you really wanna get her off your back without hurting her feelings you could change up your routine and go to the gym at a different time. That way you don’t have to see her, but also don’t have to reject her.

 

[isoter]

@jeannie36 “Hey I’m in the middle of a set right now but the trainers at the front desk should be able to answer all your questions. Nice to see you.” Then pop your headphones back on.

 

[grantdenning]

@jeannie36 It might be awkward, but I suggest just telling her that you are there to strictly work out and you're not looking for friends or to hook up. Sometimes, we all need to be super direct since others can't take the hint. She might just be fishing for a dude to workout with and fill her self esteem up, but that's not your job...... good luck-in another sense, what would you want to have said to you if the roles were reversed? just an add on, we are not responsible for others reactions and their emotions based on our truths.

 

[chirho77]

@jeannie36 Headphones and keep focused on the workouts

 

[vanithmoodley]

@jeannie36 What would you say to a guy if he were doing it? “Look, bro. I’m not trying to be rude but when I’m in the gym I want to focus on working out. I’m not really qualified to help you with form and don’t want to be responsible for your injury.”

Be blunt. Girls aren’t mythical creatures. There’s a difference between being forward and being an ass.

 

[armana]

@vanithmoodley “There’s a difference between being forward and being an ass.”

If only more people could understand this!!