How do I tell a girl in the gym to leave me alone without hurting her feelings?

[rickfelton1]

@jeannie36 Hey man I hear you. The gym is a safe space to just do your thang and gtfo. I personally feel uncomfortable when people approach me in a flirtatious way because it makes me feel objectified, even more so particularly at the gym.

Something though, especially as a woman who may be surrounded by super buff dudes, is that the gym doesn’t always feel like a super safe space. It’s intimating for women at times, especially when you want a spot on a lift. Maybe she is coming up to you because you seem like a safe person?

I would maybe try and view this social interaction more so like that. Not saying you have to be gym buddies and talk throughout an entire session, but it could be important for her to have a safe person to connect with in an intimidating space!

 

[jammedtoast]

@jeannie36 Headphones? That’s how I avoid men wanting to talk to me pretty much anywhere I go.

 

[hperry924]

@jammedtoast I go to the gym with older people and those men don't get the hint...

 

[bunkie27]

@hperry924 Headphones and (forced) resting bitch face.

Haha.

If that doesn't work, it's only a coincidence that I need frequent long, deep drinks of water either from my water bottle or the water fountain. I'll take the potential risk of needing to visit the bathroom more frequently if it means they'll leave me alone.

 

[praiseli]

@bunkie27 I’ve realized after 5 years at the gym I have developed the wrist resting bitch face. I have to work on it in non gyms situations.

 

[dawn16]

@hperry924 This. Headphones really don't do anything to block people off, unfortunately

 

[rtljs26]

@jeannie36 It’s possible she’s only asking you because you might look less intimidating than the others there. Just be up front about it.

 

[clump]

@rtljs26 [sup]^[/sup] this. Gyms can be intimidating to girls. Try telling her you have limited time to work out and would love to help but must finish your routine quickly.

 

[alexpan]

@rtljs26 I'm actually going to bet on this.

Being a woman in the weight room as a newbie was horrifying. And I'd yanked my pants up high and gotten there, but I definitely was struggling and felt completely unsure of what to do, how to act, etc. around all these big, buff, grunty dudes. If there was someone who's vibe read as very approachable, I almost definitely would've been like "hey omg help pls," but luckily my "I'm lost" face was sufficient at inviting some assistance.

This situation is probably awk for all involved, so a polite "I really don't mean to be rude, but I'm just not big on socializing at the gym and I am very uncomfortable giving you advice, maybe speak to the staff?" would work wonders.

 

[jumaal]

@alexpan If she's asking the time when there's a clock in the room, it's probably not that.

 

[dawn16]

@jumaal Yes but it gets the message across while giving her an out.

 

[holla]

@jumaal i agree. also who goes to the gym without a phone or something to listen to which would have the time on it?

 

[dmonk]

@rtljs26 Yes, this. I’d politely tell her you’re here to just do your thing, not interested in socialising. If I were her I’d prefer the kind honesty.

 

[mikej]

@jeannie36 Bring a friend that’s a girl to workout once. Make sure she sees the two of you having a good time working out together.

 

[oom62]

@jeannie36 Casually mention your girlfriend. If you don't have one casually mention your Canadian or Korean long distance girlfriend.

 

[jwilliams35]

@jeannie36 The next time she comes up to you tell her that the gym is a place you like to be alone and while you have nothing against her you would prefer not to be interrupted so you can focus on your fitness or say that while you are flattered she is interested in talking to you, you aren't interested in socializing while you are in the gym.

 

[renierbajala]

@jeannie36 Sometimes when I get the vibe that guys are forcing conversation in an attempt to personalize and ask me out, I casually mention my husband and that does the trick and has worked every time; it doesnt hurt their feelings, and it doesnt waste their time. I know in a perfect world you wouldnt have to lie or hurt her feelings, but in this scenario I think this strategy will work out for you if the subtle gestures do not work and you just dont want to hurt her feelings.

"I have to meet my girlfriend (or boyfriend, whatever) after this so I have to run" or, "yeah you know my girlfriend had a lot of success with that form" etc.

I hope you find what works for you :/.

Edit: spacing placement

 

[skorp]

@renierbajala I think this is the winner here haha

 

[bathelter01]

@renierbajala Agree with this.

I think the 'firm shutting down' thing is a bit unnecessary as a first step, but maybe I'm a little bit of a people pleaser. My strategy would be the headphones technique first, casually drop in the SO second, and only after that would I gently inform her that you're not looking to be social and you prefer to be left alone.

Sounds to me like she is interested in picking you up so unless she has zero social cues, the first two methods should work.

 

[jesusismyking94]

@renierbajala Definitely this. It's by far the easiest way to let someone down without making it personal or hurting the other person's feelings. And it's pretty much universally understood that casually mentioning a significant other is the polite way of waving a giant "not interested" flag.