How do you bounce back to fitness after a bad mental health day/week/month/year?

[christineleex3]

Context: I'm ADHD, ASD, have C-PTSD, and dealing with grief (unexpected mom loss a year ago).

I’ve always experienced brief lows, a few days here or there, sometimes the week before my period, but for the most part it was fairly manageable. Brief enough to know fitness loss was minimal and I could jump back into activity without issue.

Then the pandemic hit (loss of routine, regular activity, and external support system), my mom died unexpectedly (hello grief), and suddenly the lows are lower, stretch from days to weeks, and I’m up 30 lbs (13.61 kg) since March 2020.

Given that I’m coming out of another dark spot now, I’m trying to do future me a favor by anticipating this next time, because oh boy, it absolutely SUCKS to be coming out of an episode, only to realize you completely dismissed your fitness goals and nutrition for the last 2-6 days/weeks/months.

To be be clear, this is not a “how do I fix my depression?” post. Rather, “know thy self,” and I know myself well enough, to know intermittent depressive episodes are a part of my life, so TLDR; I’m looking for help on how to return to fitness goals after a depressive low.

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Wasn’t sure where to post this, but r/xxfitnesss seemed like a good place to start, apologies if this isn’t the right sub!

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edit: spehling and wurds

 

[noclue2020]

@christineleex3 As someone who lost their mom too quite suddenly…it’s rough getting back into it

Just do it, go through the motions - maybe find something activity wise you once enjoyed like hiking or biking - or join a fitness class and be surrounded by other people willing to better their lives. I wish I had better motivation to tell you but just creating a habit at first is the hardest, it will be your biggest push and hurdle. Once you establish that habit, then comes the benefits of what you get from it and enjoyment - let’s those endorphins FLOW!

Some days you just don’t want to, but even when I get those day and I just do it - I feel so amazing afterwords

 

[ulfhednar]

@christineleex3 Fitness in any form has helped a lot with managing my mental health struggles. It gives me a routine, something to plan and look forward to, and something I can be proud of. I’ve taken days/weeks/years off in the past for sure because fitness isn’t like eating or sleeping- we don’t need to do it to survive. It’s a hobby that we can see benefits from but we can’t always dedicate the time or mental bandwidth to. Don’t be hard on yourself. Find something you enjoy doing. Ease into it. Talk to yourself like you would a friend starting over. We can be overly critical of ourselves. Think of it like a part of your self care routine. Do you always brush your teeth or wash your hair every day when you’re depressed? I know I don’t but I don’t look in the mirror when I’m feeling better and think about all the times I didn’t brush my hair.

 

[kybim]

@christineleex3 There are some techniques from the addiction literature on overcoming cravings. I think these can be applied to sticking to an exercise program. I'm no expert on addiction, but like everyone else, I've had some friends with these troubles, so I took the time to read about them.

First, it is important to be very specific about your goals. Start with just one small goal. For example, I'm going to do 20 min of cardio every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Something really small that you know you can accomplish. It should be so specific that there can be no fudging or fuzziness about whether or not you have performed it.

OK. Now, it is useful to consider your brain as having more than one function, or even more than one person in it. As you well know, in any large family, work team, volunteer situation, etc, there is always someone who does not want to pull their weight. They may have many excuses, try to sabotage or take credit for the efforts of others, or just be plain lazy. You know the type. However, your brain also has an executive function that makes the decisions, which is a function separate from all the rationalizing that we do. Think of your executive function as the adult in the room.

It's key not to beat yourself up. You (the decision maker) simply have to have a gentle but firm talk with the slacker, without blaming or recrimination. Like this: "Look, I know you want to lie on the couch and eat cheeseburgers (or cry, or whatever it is). But you are not the chair of this committee. You'll need to chill out and buck up a little here. We are doing this my way."

As you continue to patiently have these conversations with yourself, the slacker will eventually get the idea (like any small child that has asked you fifty times for cookies before dinner) that there is no point in asking, because the answer will not change. Eventually, they stop asking so much. When you feel more confident in fulfilling your first goal, you can add a second goal.

Rinse and repeat.

 

[thankfulttt]

@christineleex3 Sending you love. I understand. You’re not alone. I lost my mom, too, and I’m coming up on 10 years without her. I wish I could say that I no longer have nightmares about trying to save my mom and failing over and over again like Groundhog’s Day. Some seasons are harder than others.

Depression is a bear. One thing I’ve learned over the years managing my depression is that it’s much easier to keep healthy habits up than it is to claw your way out of a deep depressive hole. It’s hard, but manageable. Please be gentle with yourself.

 

[maddmace]

@christineleex3 Start with the basics, slowly fix your eating habits. I started with just adding little goals in, like eating at least 3 different types of plants with each meal. This could be grains, fruit, veg, nuts etc. Also started making sure I have a protein source in each meal. I used to be way more active, but struggled with overeating a ton, so I took a step back from exercise to fix my diet before restarting. I was consistent with workouts for a couple months and fell off due to heavy periods that left me drained, so I’m working on that part of my heath atm. I also started treating my adhd recently, so physical/mental health took priority before workouts. When I do get back to the gym I’ll be focusing on strength and flexibility gains for a while, and switch my focus to cardiovascular health and body composition later on. I also make short term performance based goals, ex: getting my first pull-up, or lifting x weight on a lift, which helps me stay motivated and creates habits without a ton of conscious effort

 

[bragar]

@christineleex3 This sounds like me from the past month. My work schedule because of Covid has been a mess (I work like 2 days a week compared to 5-7 pre-Covid), and I sprained my ankle about a month and a half ago and my doctor made me stay off of it for a month. No work plus no gym equals not so great mental health for me. Plus it’s been fair season so all I’ve been doing it sitting around eating crap food!

Like I can tell I’m in a slight depressive episode and need to get out of it, but at the same time the depression is causing me to not care and not have the energy to help myself out of it.

I may take some of the suggestions listed and try to go and do things that used to be fun for me.

 

[christineleex3]

@bragar

I can tell I’m in a slight depressive episode and need to get out of it, but at the same time the depression is causing me to not care and not have the energy to help myself out of it.

This. My flavor of depression manifests as not caring about anything. This is why the "how bad do you want it" mentality doesn't work for me. When I'm deep in an episode, all the goals I've been working toward (fitness or otherwise), stimulating work or personal projects, things that normally bring me joy or light me up, suddenly do not matter at all. Like, I could go for a run at sunset, looking over the water in one of my favorite places, with the perfect playlist, and feel absolutely nothing. And that's assuming I'd even find the energy to try. All things I love, yet zero dopamine, which makes it even harder drum up the energy to try again, since reward centers in my brain aren't being stimulated like they would be in a "healthy" brain. It's not great, would not recommend.

All that said, there's so many good pieces of advice in this thread to draw from. Slow, small, and without expectations feels like the right starting point. I try to trick my brain into doing things, like, every time I get up to use the bathroom, I'll do 5 squats. Kinda like habit stacking, if you're familiar. And if I don't do it every time, that's ok. I'll try again the next time. Giving yourself grace and kindness when hanging out in the deep dark goes a long way.

 

[bragar]

@christineleex3 Oh absolutely I get it. That’s how I was able to be ok with only going to the gym 4 times this month, because I figured 4 was better than zero and gave myself the grace to be ok with it.

 

[paula87]

@christineleex3 I'm so sorry about your loss, OP. This isn't advice, but continue being gentle with yourself while you grieve. Life has been really freaking hard the last 2-3 years in general without compounding on it.

You've received so many great responses, and I want to thank you for posting. I also suffer from ADHD along with depression and supposed PTSD. It's hard, and this thread was like a breath of fresh air. I also fell off the wagon during the pandemic. I ate like crap, drank too much, and didn't exercise nearly enough. Gaining weight, losing strength, and mentally feeling like garbage made it so daunting to get back into a health(ier) routine.

I'll just reiterate what so many others said in setting small goals. Personally, I've been trying to walk every day. Do I hit my steps goal? No, not usually. But it's helped me build up the courage to get back into lifting, which I dropped during the pandemic.

Also, finding something that is genuinely enjoyable feels like the key to getting back into the swing of things. While walking, I treat myself to a funny podcast. I just started bouldering and enjoy the mental challenge and the resulting burn from using muscles I didn't know I had. My body always feels so tight that stretching, releasing, and just breathing during yoga feels amazing. On the other hand, I purchased a Peloton a few years ago and forced myself to ride. I like spinning, but I hated the competitive nature of the community. Now, you can't pay me to get back on it.

You'll get there, OP. It's not a straight path, but you're not alone on it.

 

[dawn16]

@christineleex3 Sometimes getting in the sauna can be lower barrier than working out for me. It has a lot of the same benefits as moderate intensity exercise, so it can be a good bridge

 

[rhacquer]

@christineleex3 I am so sorry for what you’re going through, that’s a lot on anyone. Last year I experienced an extremely high amount of stress and wanted to avoid literally everything, including fitness (which was already routine by this point)

Part of the “treat” of working out for me is that it is MY time. I work out super early for that reason, but I set a very hard boundary at the gym door that email, phone calls, texts all get put on hold. What more importantly gets put on hold is my day, my anxiety, the current difficulties I’m facing, insecurities.

This is my hour with JUST me, and I’m really nice to myself about it. It’s probably the only time I really mentally compliment my body. I try to stay conscious of the fact that it’s a gift to be able to work out, and I’m thankful I’m physically able.

Yes I have days where this just doesn’t happen and/or my time is interrupted. But that mentality is the goal. It makes me feel like I have truly invested in bettering myself, which will make me a better person to the people I love.

Not to get deep or anything

 

[trusthim77]

@christineleex3 I'm still pretty new to building a gym habit, but I am coming out of a YEARS long depression. I found that following a 12 week progressive workout program really, really helped me.

It's broken into 4 week phases, so when I got bored I knew it was going to change up again. And I also knew I needed to make it to the gym 3 days every single week or I'd mess up my program progress.

I had a bad relapse last weekend after a night of drinking, and knowing that I needed to hit the next workout in my program, I forced myself to go. What shocked me was how much BETTER I felt after (mentally) - not 100%, but enough that I wasn't drowning and was able to get things done.

The mental health benefits of working out weren't enough to motivate me to get into the gym, but the systems keep me going and the workouts are keeping me from relapsing as badly.

ETA: I've also been diagnosed with ADHD and C-PTSD.

 

[grace1810]

@christineleex3 Just tell yourself "I'm going to show up" don't think about the workout. Go to the gym, show up, then once you're there working out is easy and natural.

To quote the great Shia, "Just do it!"

 

[steveinalberta]

@christineleex3 I just feel this.

So I definitely started to slack this year. I spiraled.

I had a miscarriage, then covid, my pup had an emergency and almost died, and then earlier this week I was rear ended at a crosswalk (thankfully my kids are okay and cars can be replaced).

I have no advice just commiseration. I started to emotionally eat. I slacked on my personal workouts. I went through just the motions of the day and put all
My energy into my kids because I felt like I didn't deserve to put that energy into myself.

Honestly, it was a slow. Recently I think my gym friends have been trying to pull me out of the funk. They know my year so they have me space.

But I'm being held accountable. The "hey wanna meet at the gym?" Or "let's take XYZ class today.

This morning, one of my friends, who is a PT had a client cancel on them as I was walking in. So she asked me if I wanted to workout with her instead.

I cannot tell you how much this lifted my spirits.

 

[dwelsh718]

@christineleex3 Hi,
Fellow ADHD-person
I suffer from chronic depression and since the pandemic I am trying to implement fitness in my life. After catching COVID and struggling a lot I decided to sign up to a gym. A friend of mine is also going there which was the major motivation.
So how do I motivate myself? I set myself the goal to go 2 times a week to the gym. Getting my ass over there is the most important and crucial thing. I found that when I make fixed plans for going to the gym I have more motivation to stick to it. So if I say I'll go Friday morning to the gym, and maybe even tell it a friend of family member, I feel obligated to go.
Today I went and I tried my best and didn't overdo it. I felt unmotivated but pushed through it. I did the machines and cardio stuff I liked and stretched. Nothing dramatic nothing overly complicated or exhausting.

Don't set your goals too high. Low goals are key. My goal is going to the gym 2 times per week. The fact that I got my ass over there is for me an accomplishment. And I don't feel guilty when I don't power through a major workout due to motivation issues. There will be better days and worse days.

If you can't motivate yourself at all, try making plans with a friend for a workout/walk/class/gym-trip. This helps me immensely

 

[hmarie39]

@christineleex3 I don't have any better advice for you than the stellar words you've already received, just wanted to say your post resonated with me and I have similar feelings. Before residency I was in the gym 6 days/week and I was powerful, I was lifting heavy and I looked and felt awesome. Then I started 80hr work weeks and I was so hungry all day, but I told myself it was temporary, life is long, and I would get back to it soon. Then came the Rona and everything went to shit and Stardew Valley and Girl Scout Cookies really did help soothe my frightened, traumatized brain. Fast forward two years to a new job, a new city, and a totally new routine. My ADHD brain says that if I'm not lifting heavy in a gym just like before then any exercise is not worth it. My ADHD brain is a liar! Any exercise is good exercise, and if I want to do an hour of yoga instead of resistance exercise, then that is good. If I want to start a Blogilates routine for a month, then that is good too. I think one of my big life lessons is not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

 

[scotgiantjr]

@christineleex3 I’ve had a bad almost-decade with depression. I recommend picking up fitness for the right reasons (a sense of accomplishment or endorphins, not how you look) and not beating yourself up over self care. Everyone needs a break, so treat rest like an exercise option. Don’t be afraid to spend 5 or 10 minutes doing yoga and call it exercise. But most importantly, think back to the best you ever felt exercising. For me, it was long distance running. While depressed, I’d literally dream of running through the neighborhood on a cool Saturday morning. Whatever exercise that is for you, pick it up again. You won’t be as good at it as before, but you’ll love it just the same. Exercise is an act of self love, so love what you do!

 

[kadfdhdhka]

@christineleex3 Just do anything. 10 push-ups, a walk, some crunches. Then try and do a little better the next day on and on. Accomplishing something will feed the happy part of your brain and you can build on that.

 

[akin2011]

@christineleex3 I’m in the same boat, minus the loss of a family member. ADHD, ASD, hit burn out last year after a bunch of really shitty things happened. Was a 4-5 day a week power lifter before covid happened, was already struggling before last year and then it just all fell apart and then I gained like 15-20kgs thanks to meds and inactivity. I am also really struggling to get back into it. We have a home gym, I left my job, I’m finally on a med combo that works well, I’m feeling so much better and I know that if I started lifting again I would feel even better. But for the life of me I just can’t get started. It’s hard. It seems to very much be a mental block for me and I’m not sure why. I hope we can both find our groove again soon.