To start, I have never been the most athletic person. I was teased about my weight and athleticism, didn’t grow up playing sports and was quite uncoordinated when I attempted to. I was overweight as a child and was advised to make healthier choices per my doctor, which I did with the help of my parents. Anyways, when I entered high school, I became obsessed with weight loss and fell into disordered eating. It was never a full blown eating disorder but my family doctor and parents were very worried about my excessive weight loss, so I stopped counting calories and just went back to eating as usual.
Now, I’m in university and I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life at 175 lbs. I decided I would start going to the gym on New Year’s day and I’ve surprisingly stuck to it. I now go to the gym 4 times a week or least twice a week if the week gets hectic.
The problem is that I don’t like going to the gym at all. I go to my university’s gym early in the morning before classes just to get it over with. I also go with a friend (we both decided we wanted to get fit at the same time) but I feel guilty as she seems very dedicated to changing and I hate all of this on the inside. It’s been like 1-2 months of me trying to go to the gym consistently but I’m not seeing any changes. I’m still unbalanced, unfit, and I don’t feel the supposed mental clarity and productivity increase.
I know I’m not about to gain muscles in 2 weeks but all I’ve ever wanted was a nice body with the toned back and legs like the fit girls I see online. Hell, at this point I don’t even want muscles, I just want to be not fat. Nowadays I’m just going to gym just to say “yeah I go to the gym” and to feel ‘morally superior’ in a way, if you get what I mean. I feel bad for admitting this, but I tend to feel envious of people who actually enjoy any of this or who spent time playing sports in childhood as they’ve been predisposed to this type of activity. I wish I could enjoy exercising like them.
I’m sorry if this is not the place, but I just wanted to vent.
edit: This post received a lot more reception than I expected. I just finished uni classes for the day and I am still looking through all the replies. Thank you all who took the time to respond, I really appreciate it![Loudly crying face :sob: 😭](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![White heart :white_heart: 🤍](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f90d.png)
Now, I’m in university and I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life at 175 lbs. I decided I would start going to the gym on New Year’s day and I’ve surprisingly stuck to it. I now go to the gym 4 times a week or least twice a week if the week gets hectic.
The problem is that I don’t like going to the gym at all. I go to my university’s gym early in the morning before classes just to get it over with. I also go with a friend (we both decided we wanted to get fit at the same time) but I feel guilty as she seems very dedicated to changing and I hate all of this on the inside. It’s been like 1-2 months of me trying to go to the gym consistently but I’m not seeing any changes. I’m still unbalanced, unfit, and I don’t feel the supposed mental clarity and productivity increase.
I know I’m not about to gain muscles in 2 weeks but all I’ve ever wanted was a nice body with the toned back and legs like the fit girls I see online. Hell, at this point I don’t even want muscles, I just want to be not fat. Nowadays I’m just going to gym just to say “yeah I go to the gym” and to feel ‘morally superior’ in a way, if you get what I mean. I feel bad for admitting this, but I tend to feel envious of people who actually enjoy any of this or who spent time playing sports in childhood as they’ve been predisposed to this type of activity. I wish I could enjoy exercising like them.
I’m sorry if this is not the place, but I just wanted to vent.
edit: This post received a lot more reception than I expected. I just finished uni classes for the day and I am still looking through all the replies. Thank you all who took the time to respond, I really appreciate it
![Loudly crying face :sob: 😭](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png)
![White heart :white_heart: 🤍](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f90d.png)