@ilovejesuschristourlord I remember posting something exceptionally similar to this a few months ago — in fact,
here's the exact thread with many excellent tips and tutorial links!
I know EXACTLY how it feels. I recently got my first pushups only a few days ago, and before that I was struggling to do knee pushups, and before that I was too weak to do a single knee pushup but had too big of an ego to focus on wall pushups. I felt so insufficient + cried several times because it's such a classic exercise that I associated with authentic fitness. When I first got my knee pushup, I proudly showed my mom, sister, and brother my success (albeit self-aware of the irony).
I can't offer any special advice, but I will say this — it
sucks getting into your first pushup or knee pushup, but once you get over that stupid hump (in my case through many subpar attempts over time), you will progress very fast in that form. It felt so impossible, but I just kept trying until I got my first knee pushup and then the next reps become so much more accessible.
Also, the difficulty of the pushup forms are not as far apart as you might think. Wall pushups would probably still be tough for me after 15-20 reps, and knee pushups are 80% as difficult as full pushups if you have adequate core strength. Doing a modified form is not as pathetic as it initially feels.
Hope this vomit of text helped