I stopped working out and it changed my life

ladyestella

New member
OK, minor click bait…

A few months ago, I stopped formally working out. I stopped lifting, stopped doing cardio workouts…stopped it all. I just woke up and realised that it was going to kill me if I didn’t slow down and give myself a break.

I have CPTSD from both a toxic childhood AND a series of very serious, continuous traumatic events between 2016 and 2021. I say it with zero irony that I am very, very lucky to be alive today.

Fortunately, I am! Not so fortunately, I always saw my survival as a sign to keep going — and by keep going, I mean doing all the things I did before 2016. Heavy workouts, lots of cardio, lots of WORK WORK WORK and PUSH PUSH PUSH and DRIVE DRIVE DRIVE.

Trauma massively affects the body. I now live with a lot of fatigue, shakiness, and general malaise that no doctor can find a diagnosis for — besides trauma itself. I’m OK with this, and in a weird way, having trauma show up in my body is cathartic. It tells me what I want to know: that what I went through was real, and my need to heal is tangible and genuine.

I moved house recently, and I’m lucky enough to have a little unused dining room that I transformed into a workout space. I’ve never had a dedicated workout space before, so I decided to decorate it with linen curtains and plants — a kind of zen aesthetic.

And then I realised that I was more excited about the space than I was to work out. Not that we need to be excited to work out, but at least we should…be OK with it? Recognise the benefits? Know that it helps?

This was when I realised that it no longer helped me. Working out, to be completely honest, was the most overwhelming part of my day. A combination of PTSD and higher-support-needs autism mean that I can’t work a traditional job, and workouts provided structure that I otherwise lack. Instead of positive, though, this structure was merely a tether that imprisoned my day. I dreaded getting up. I dreaded how fragile my body would feel afterwards — weak and vulnerable. I dreaded having to break a sweat and change my clothes, often showering twice.

I’d often choose between working out or getting dressed. Working out or going outside. Working out or cooking a meal. It was miserable.

So, a few months ago, less than a week after moving into my new house, I quit.

I started walking everyday and exploring my new city. I’m lucky enough to live in the capital of a country in Europe, so there are always cool things to see and do. Rather than drive, I just walk. I go to parks and read.

Then, in my workout space, I do yoga. I do pilates with very light hand weights, if I feel like something more challenging. I don’t break a sweat doing this, so I can wear regular clothes and take a relaxing shower before bed.

I try to move around more as part of my day.

I try to eat healthy, intuitively.

Two months later, I am quite possibly in the best shape of my life. I feel lean and strong, my posture is better, and I look much more alive. Sure — I’ll never have big muscles or an ass like Kim K…but who cares?

After 10 years of hard workouts, this feels like healing. This feels like the petite fitness my traumatised body deserves.

All of which to say — Petite Fitness looks different for everyone! And we all deserve something that works for our bodies! :)
 
@ladyestella this is spot on and i’m glad you found something that worked for you. it’s so easy to get caught up thinking you need to be doing what everyone else is doing, but you end up forgetting what really works for you and what you enjoy the most. recently, being more intuitive in my food and activities, resting more, and trying new activities has really boosted my mood
 
@chelsey423 I totally get that! I feel like we sometimes forget that humans have evolved to walk and getting our steps in is a ridiculously underrated way to stay healthy! I have to remind myself that JUST WALKING is OK! :))
 
@ladyestella I'm so happy for you that you were able to find balance and peace in your life! It sounds like it is much needed after all you've been through. I really relate to nearly everything you said in this post, including choosing between working out and other things. Working out vs getting dressed is a big one for me.
Thank you for sharing. 💜 This has inspired me to connect with what body and mind need instead of pushing too hard.
 
@ladyestella The times of my life when I lost the most weight, I wasn’t working out at all. I was on holiday so walking a lot and eating whatever I want, although I was snacking less as I wasn’t always near a fridge.

I have a similar approach to working out although I’ve never been in the greatest shape. I have a medical condition that makes it hard to build muscle tone or be very fit though so I might never be super fit.
 
@ladyestella I have cptsd. I go in seasons and cycles for what’s best for me. Sometimes it’s just walking for months. Sometimes it’s bike, too. Sometimes it’s weights. For many months during burnout, it was nothing. You’re right that everyone has to do what’s best for their bodies! Learning to know and respect our bodies is the answer and it is different for all of us (and can change, too). I am enjoying getting out of that black and white thinking and just being open. Thanks for sharing
 
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