Losing weight = more unwanted attention/harassment?
- Thread starter milan45
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- female fitness
@milan45 Yes, I noticed it when I lost weight. Also, when I was a teen I was in very good shape and also went through puberty early. I have a different relationship with men than a lot of my peers. I take care not to be alone with them/too close unless I know them very well, and I think this is because how many grown men were creepy to me as a preteen. It's engrained.
@milan45 I actually had that problem with youth and age. I was always a little overweight (and never dressed well either. We're talking stained sweatshirt with holes and pants that don't fit right) and I would get followed, catcalled, groped (in public, in daylight) and guys would feel way too comfortable letting me in on their sexual fantasies. On the bus. In public.
But I'm old now (36!) and no one does any of that. It's amazing. Also helpful is not walking/taking public transportation.
So it hasn't been my experience that additional weight makes a difference but YMMV.
But I'm old now (36!) and no one does any of that. It's amazing. Also helpful is not walking/taking public transportation.
So it hasn't been my experience that additional weight makes a difference but YMMV.
wayfaringman
New member
@milan45 I grew up in a violent place with the highest rape statistics in the world so I totally get it. I like being less of a target and harder to kidnap. Fat used to make me feel safe but now I get that feeling by lifting heavy and wearing shit kicking boots instead of dainty high heels or girly shoes. I have a knife with me at all times and I'm super aware of my surroundings. Taking a martial arts class could give you a sense of security too.
@wayfaringman I wish I could carry a knife with me to feel safer, but it’s very illegal in my country 
I definitely want to try martial arts though.
I definitely want to try martial arts though.@nan10 I do just want to point out that a knife is one of the worse self defense weapons unless you're highly trained. Because if someone is more skilled or stronger than you, there's a high chance of the knife getting taken from you, now the attacker has the knife and you're S.O.L. Some kind of pepper spray and running is a better bet for self defense.
wayfaringman
New member
richardparker
New member
@wayfaringman And BJJ! Any martial art that teaches leverage and pain points.
@milan45 Yes. I used to work an evening shift at a library in grad school. Walking home after midnight one night, I got assaulted. How/details not important here, but after that, I shut down for a bit. Shit went sideways with school, I didn't feel safe at work, and I put on ~20 lbs. Once I did, I stopped getting bothered. I went invisible. I went invisible for a solid five years. It was GREAT.
When I finally started working out and losing weight again, it was really uncomfortable. I felt like I was taking a huge risk. But my knees felt better, I felt better when I worked out (turns out working out is good for mental stuff), and it was way healthier than drinking. Eventually, the best thing for me was moving away from the type of environment where I was assaulted. I no longer live near a university, and that is amazing. I'd also recommend functional goals. I want to be able to throw a bag into an overhead with ease, move a couch, and sprint if I need to. I hope one day you feel safe enough to pick your preferred level of fitness based on how it makes your knees feel.
When I finally started working out and losing weight again, it was really uncomfortable. I felt like I was taking a huge risk. But my knees felt better, I felt better when I worked out (turns out working out is good for mental stuff), and it was way healthier than drinking. Eventually, the best thing for me was moving away from the type of environment where I was assaulted. I no longer live near a university, and that is amazing. I'd also recommend functional goals. I want to be able to throw a bag into an overhead with ease, move a couch, and sprint if I need to. I hope one day you feel safe enough to pick your preferred level of fitness based on how it makes your knees feel.
@keety I just want to say it's not your fault. I'm sure you already know that. But I don't want someone who doesn't know better to read your story and think you put yourself in danger.
I've been lucky, my whole life I've lived in very safe communities. But the first time I was sexually harrassed i was 11 walking home from the bus stop. It can happen any where.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry you got assaulted.
Urgh, it feels really hollow writting that, but I am.
I've been lucky, my whole life I've lived in very safe communities. But the first time I was sexually harrassed i was 11 walking home from the bus stop. It can happen any where.
For what it's worth, I'm sorry you got assaulted.
Urgh, it feels really hollow writting that, but I am.
@hogwash Oh, the cop told me it was my fault. Walking through a brightly lit parking lot makes one a target apparently.
I'm fully aware that that's bullshit. I'm glad I reported it (despite the comments about the length of my shorts, my route, etc). Because unless the cop was an absolute COMPLETE scumbag, he had to document it. So when that guy escalated, there was documentation. He asked me what I wanted, when I couldn't provide an ID of the guy. I told him I wanted an extra patrol that night. I wanted him to know it had happened. I wanted them to know that guy probably wouldn't stop. And maybe, just maybe, some one could put together a pattern if enough folks reported it.
I'm fully aware that that's bullshit. I'm glad I reported it (despite the comments about the length of my shorts, my route, etc). Because unless the cop was an absolute COMPLETE scumbag, he had to document it. So when that guy escalated, there was documentation. He asked me what I wanted, when I couldn't provide an ID of the guy. I told him I wanted an extra patrol that night. I wanted him to know it had happened. I wanted them to know that guy probably wouldn't stop. And maybe, just maybe, some one could put together a pattern if enough folks reported it.
heavensweet
New member
@milan45 OP, heard. I don’t want to discount what other commenters have said about the importance of mental health but I do want to point out that your feelings of safety and your right to exist in this world without unwanted attention is not a problem with your mental health, it is a problem with our societal health and sexism. Lots of us women look for ways to become less visible out in the world because complete strangers think it’s their right to cat call when they like what they see. It’s a huge problem and it’s gross and you’re not alone.
As frustrating as it is, I think the more we talk about it publicly the closer we can get to moving the needle on change (not holding my breath for anything soon but...). All that to say thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this story and that you are not alone and hopefully offer some encouragement to be the best you for you and no one else.
As frustrating as it is, I think the more we talk about it publicly the closer we can get to moving the needle on change (not holding my breath for anything soon but...). All that to say thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this story and that you are not alone and hopefully offer some encouragement to be the best you for you and no one else.
@heavensweet
This sums it up so completely. Sums up the current laws, recent events, societal expectations, everything.
This sums it up so completely. Sums up the current laws, recent events, societal expectations, everything.