Relationships and CrossFit

[sherryanne]

So recently I’ve started to get into competitive CrossFit and training as such, twice a day, with accessory work, WODs, and strength work. In total I’m in the gym about 4-6 hours a day 5 days a week. And I’m started to see it is at the detriment of my new GF and friendships… what’s y’all opinions on this? I’ve already won my first competitions so I really think I have a shot at doing something serious. I’m doubting it because the people around me say “I’m over doing it” “you aren’t gonna prolly make it that far so just let off the gas” “can’t believe you can be so selfish with your time” but the leaps and bounds I’m making in my training is insane and I’m loving it sooo I guess what I’m getting at is anyone else possibly going through this or similar type stuff?

 

[howeryall]

@sherryanne Do whatever makes you happy, but if your training is in addition to regular work/college commitments don't be surprised if you end up single.

 

[gsweeney]

@sherryanne I would think hard about your priorities - make a list and make sure you can fit them all in. If you can’t fit them all in right now e.g. don’t have time to spend with your girlfriend and that’s a priority, you should think long and hard about 1) if she’s actually a priority or 2) can you cut down on your training at all.

4-6 hours a day in the gym is a lot of training. For a competitive athlete you want to think about maximum recoverable dose. Assuming that you also work 8ish hours a day, sleep 8ish hours a night, spend at least 1 hour a day eating and 1 hour a day getting to and from work/the gym… it sounds like you don’t have much extra time for recovery or relationships. It’ll be easy to burn out physically and mentally if you don’t have any extra time for other priorities.

If you do have other priorities like longevity and relationships that are just as important to you, you could shift your mindset to think about finding the minimum effective dose. What’s the minimum amount you can train to still improve as an athlete at a level that is acceptable to you given your other priorities? You may find that’s 3 hours day, and that would still leave you time with your girlfriend/friends and for some rest and recovery.

That being said, if training is your only priority and you don’t feel that you care that much if you don’t see your gf/friends, that’s totally your choice but you should be honest about that.

 

[thekingzkid]

@gsweeney do you believe crossfit takes away from longevity?

 

[casey73]

@sherryanne I would take a step back if I were you and just look at the data from an imperial standpoint.

How old are you?

What are some of your numbers (lifts, runs, etc)?

What is your financial situation? Can you afford to do CrossFit without struggling?

If all of these things allow you to legitimately be a games level athlete I support anyone chasing a dream. If however you are going to struggle it may not be achievable. Only you can decide. I used to do 2 a days and loved it but then my business started to do well and I started a family so CrossFit became an hour a day of just working out

 

[jhofste]

@casey73 These are important things to look into. Op has a 14 minute Nancy which is good but not top level, curious what the competition was he was in though.

Bottom line, it's great you're loving it Op, but know that high level crossfit isn't something that comes overnight, or even in 5 years. And the rewards for finally getting there are relatively low too. Have fun, just be cautious and don't sacrifice your friends and relationships

Edit: did some reading OP is 22, 335 deadlift, 305 squat, 145 snatch. It's not looking super likely friend, sorry. It's probably best just to enjoy training and not sacrifice everything for the games.

 

[patona]

@sherryanne Only you can decide the priorities and balance of gym vs. the rest of your life. You will get all sorts of opinions about this — none of them as important as your opinion.

We can, however, help you get a realistic sense of whether a pro CrossFit career is for you. Can you tell us a little more about yourself:

• Your 2023 Open Scores
• Your recent max bench, squat, DL, OHP, clean/jerk, and snatch numbers
• Some baseline WOD times (Grace, Nancy, etc.)
• Age, height, and weight

 

[discussdocs]

@patona He's not being realistic. Given his numbers from previous posts, his WOD scores that he's posted etc i would not put him at 1/4 final level. Given he's 22, he's not going to make the games.

 

[aaaa12]

@sherryanne 4-6 hours a day seems extreme unless you’re really putting a lot of effort into your nutrition and recovery. I think as long as you’re not constantly injuring yourself you’ve found a hobby you’re really passionate about. Is this something you’re interested in as a career?

Do your friends comments seem like they come from a place of true concern? You might just have to educate them, CrossFit does have a negative stigma where people are convinced you’ll hurt yourself. If the comments don’t come from a place of concern, your friends probably just miss you. You might just have to be really adamant about the positive effect CrossFit has on your mental/physical health. Maybe even challenge a few of them to try it.

I’m sure your girlfriend just wants to spend more time with you. If you aren’t willing to compromise, maybe you aren’t compatible?

I know that CrossFit has a huge impact on my mental health and without it I would honestly be on edge all of the time. My husband doesn’t love the amount of time I spend at the gym (2-4 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, sometimes more time) but he also knows I’d be a raging bitch if I didn’t go.

 

[laurie4321]

@aaaa12 Imagine spending this much time training, thinking you “could really do something” with it..and not being able to do double unders. Maybe I’m being a pessimist but this person is delusional.

 

[raffles32]

@laurie4321 He's only 22!

 

[discussdocs]

@raffles32 22 when he's no where near 1/4 final level. He's not making the games or it's going to take a long time.

Feel like this dude is going to be 30 and upset he's ditched relationships on a pipe dream.

 

[caleb_m]

@sherryanne Probably head over to r/relationship_advice and see what they have to say.

 

[formeratheist2god]

@caleb_m All they would say is, "that's a red flag break up with GF"

 

[casie]

@formeratheist2god You'll need to cram in "narcissism" and "gaslighting" in there too somehow.

 

[farout]

@sherryanne I would dial back your training a bit and focus on maintaining healthy relationships in your life. A healthy relationship to both training and people in your life.

Our perennial semifinals athletes at our box are in the gym for only 3 - 3.5 hours a day.

According to your profile, you've been doing CF for 5 months total. Unless you were just shy of the semifinals cutline in your first season of CrossFit, I would focus on on your weaknesses and training for the long term.

If you're really are HIM, post your some of current benchmarks and open/quarterfinals scores so we can help give a proper assessment.

 

[feargodnotthem]

@sherryanne Anyone that ever achieves anything truly worth talking about such as becoming a top tier level athlete, actor, doctor, business person, insert profession here, is always told the exact same thing. We all prioritize things in life and those priorities change at different phases in our lives. This is the time when you determine what priorities matter to you in this phase in your life. Don’t let other people make your decisions for you. It’s yours to make.

 

[txfinds]

@feargodnotthem Very well put! If you want to become a games lvl athlete you will have to sacrifice almost everything I reckon.

I mean, i dont think anyone would be willing to put up with a partner or friend that is very clearly focusing on something else every hour of every day..

 

[shepherddauid]

@sherryanne 4-6 hours a day is a lot. Not even for health reasons, but how do you find time? Do you have a full time job?

If you do have a day job, it’s no wonder you have no time for your girlfriend. I love CF and wish I put more time into it. But I also need to make time for friends, family, and dating to name a few things.

Good for you for competing and crushing it. But if you really like this woman, maybe you should make more of an effort to spend time with her.

 

[mark1974]

@sherryanne We have a guy at our gym that scored within the top 10% of world athletes. He values rest and recovery. I have no doubt that you can be successful, but do you think it’s sustainable if you’re not also prioritizing any sort is social life or recovery? Also, what competition did you win? We have a ton of casual crossfitters at my gym and they rock 1st place all the time in regional and local competitions - they still don’t come close to the top athletes.

My advice would be to find a balance that works for you. Ask yourself to if you were to get burned out or injured if you’ll be okay with not having any outside the gym relationships with friends and family - that would be more my concern.

If you feel though that you prefer the freedom, independence, and excess training over having a girlfriend be up front with her so she has the option to walk sooner rather than waiting. Sure, partners should be supportive - but if you’re completely neglecting to nurture that relationship than you really don’t necessarily deserve her support. Not trying to be harsh, but you can’t just put someone to the side and expect them to be cool with it long term.