Tips needed for getting my kid into exercise when I can’t exercise myself!

[alexandre123]

Bit of background: I’m 43 and used to be a yoga instructor, swimmer, runner. Got M.E. from Covid and now can’t exercise at all. I still meditate and occasionally stretch, but can’t do more physical exercise than a brisk 10 min walk on a good day. I am bedbound 50% of my life. It sucks but it is what it is and isn’t likely to change in the near future so I focus on other things.

My kids are 5, 11 and 13. The 5yo is super active, the 13yo gets strenuous exercise through school and dance class, but the 11yo is just…not interested. She likes gaming, D&D, and is generally geeky/introverted/indoorsy. The closest she gets to exercise is occasional swimming and some Pokémon Go. When I do her get doing something physical, she hates it and complains bitterly, gets out of breath almost immediately, and gives up. She is being assessed for (and seems likely to have) dyspraxia. Regular methods of encouragement just don’t seem to work - she def hasn’t found her fitness “gateway drug” yet (like yoga was for me).

Can anybody give tips on how I might persuade her to get active when I can’t join her myself? Activities that might be active but not come with the “exercise” label that puts her off? Ways to bribe/persuade? How to set a good example without crashing my health in the process? Any and all advice gratefully received. TY!

 

[_dave_]

@alexandre123 This sounds a lot like me when I was a kid and honestly, the answer for me was that I just had to grow up and considerably later in life realize the value of exercise for myself. I don't think it was until I got to university, and realized it was harder for me to walk across campus than it was for my friends, that things really started to click.

But her interest in video games might help you find an in for now - Pokemon Go is a great one, is there someone that could take her out on longer PokeGo walks? Has she tried any of the physical activity games like JustDance? There are lots of options out there!

 

[alexandre123]

@_dave_ Good idea to check out more active games - will defo do that! Thanks. And thanks for sharing your experience - mine was the same. Stumbled across yoga at 19ish and realised maybe I didn’t hate all exercise. Before that, I was never moved to do any.

 

[morh]

@alexandre123 One of the best things I can say is this - don’t call it exercise. Don’t tell her she needs to exercise. That makes it seem so much worse and like a punishment (thanks PE class!) but it seems like you know that already.

My best advice? Lean into the nerdy/geeky stuff. Did you know that there’s sword academies that teach you how to fight with swords? And I’m not talking about just fencing! There’s also archery classes! Does she like sci-fi? Take a look to see if there’s any laser tag places nearby. What type of characters/classes does she play in d&d? You can tie into that fun activities that result in being up and moving.

Ranger/outdoorsy/nature characters? Well dang, time to look at classes that are about tracking animals in your area and finding out about native flora via hikes! She can use that to better describe how her character grew up!

Rogue/sneaky characters? Gymnastics or obstacle courses could help her get an idea about how that actually works!

Even if you can’t join her in these things, if you show genuine interest in what she loves and show it through your actions, I believe it can help her be more involved with the world around her and help her enjoy life and movement more.

You’re a good mom. Thank you for being open to asking how to help your kids out.

 

[alexandre123]

@morh These are great suggestions, thank you so much. Gonna share with the rest of my fam so that they can all take turns doing some of these things with her. And yeah, trying to avoid the “exercise” word as much as possible seems like the way.

 

[morh]

@alexandre123 I think I might ask her first about the classes and dnd stuff! See if anything sparks her interest. It would be better than suddenly having people pressure her to do things.

 

[alexandre123]

@morh Good point…

 

[morh]

@alexandre123 See if you can’t sit down with her and ask if she’d like to explore other options for getting out and doing things. Ask her about her favorite characters to play - would she like to find ways to do what they do in real life?

Honestly, like I said, you taking a genuine interest in what she loves and trying to connect with her on that level will go much farther than trying to nudge her into doing something she doesn’t want to do.

 

[dinafrancis]

@alexandre123 See if you have something relating to sword fighting near you! If she likes D&D, I could imagine she would also be into renaissance festival type stuff. So going down that route might work. If medieval setting sword fighting isn't a thing, maybe try fencing.

Another option could be archery. Kinda in the same vein.

Basically, lean into the geeky part!

 

[alexandre123]

@dinafrancis Yes!! This is genius, thank you!

 

[dinafrancis]

@alexandre123 Could also eventually look for a LARPing group (live action role play... basically run around playing DnD in person!) The difficult part would be finding a group due to her age. Something you could look into and be like "lets learn how to BE your DnD character so that you can do this some day!" Or maybe if shes part of a DnD group in person, talk with the parents of the other kids and see if you can't set up a LARP day for them!

And then it may seem silly.... but if you know how to sew or just want to buy fun costumes... let her dress up like her character (or just general fantasy garb). It's always fun to pretend to be something you're not. And on that note... cosplay is actually what got me into fitness! My first cosplay hid my belly fat, so I decided I wanted to do a spandex cosplay so I lost the weight (and for other reasons as well). And now my current cosplay goal has had me in the gym for the last 5 years working my ass off to build a ton of muscle and to hopefully find abs and and actually do the costume this year.

 

[alexandre123]

@dinafrancis She’s already a member of a lil D&D group so I will defo suggest some LARPing to compliment that.

 

[popty4real]

@alexandre123 My youngest is very much inactive and has no interest in moving at all. The meta quest vr headset is helping some. I'll pay him to walk the dogs sometimes. We take family hikes a few times in the summer when the weather won't make him complain about every step.

My oldest doesn't move much either but she is beyond stubborn about everything and knows everything at 14. I pay her to walk the dogs and try to get her to the mall at least once a month but we haven't had the money lately to buy anything so that lost its appeal.

 

[alexandre123]

@popty4real Good to know I’m not alone in this! Paying for some active chores is a great idea actually - gonna figure out how we can do some of that.

 

[dawn16]

@alexandre123 I think instead of exercise, you need to double down on her swimming. If you can invest in her and train as an athlete swimmer, that's enough exercise.

 

[alexandre123]

@dawn16 Sadly I think she’d immediately do a u-turn on the swimming if she thought it involved that much training or pressure. But I might see if I can get her to do some of the challenge cards the local pool has up on the wall for a start. Can always bribe her with extra pocket money…

 

[cat1965]

@alexandre123 Nintendo Switch makes a few great active games! There’s Switch Sports and Ring Fit that my kids (10F & 16M) have really enjoyed and they see it as games/challenges while still getting in some beginner level fitness!

 

[alexandre123]

@cat1965 Ooh good thinking! I reckon the 11 and 13 would defo go for some sibling competition on the Switch!

 

[gurugle1116]

@alexandre123 I’m a dyspraxic nerd (I also have POTS which means I get out of breath and headachey from many forms of exercise even though I’m very fit, and this can commonly co occur with dyspraxia, adhd, autism etc).

I love martial arts (specifically BJJ and Kali which uses sticks), bouldering, static trapeze and weightlifting. All of which I also now have great friendship circles with. All of which I also chose to take up in adulthood when I wasn’t tired from school and general teenagerdom, or being forced into by my mum though!

 

[alexandre123]

@gurugle1116 Haha yep, I didn’t find exercise until I left school either. That’s why I wanna find things that get her moving but aren’t officially “exercise”, y’know? Last thing I wanna do is put her off long term!