How do you make exercise not about weight loss?

@uticus My obsession with weight loss and the "looks" aspect of fitness made me realize I was heading into eating disorder territory. 20 years of yo yo dieting was enough.

I had to reevaluate why I wanted to workout. It wasn't something that happened quickly or had a linear progression but I got to a point where I had to make a change. Food had to be neutral (that took years) and exercise changed to be about being stronger (a stronger weight lifter, a stronger cyclist etc) and about managing my mental health. I look forward to my workouts now, not as a punishment for something I ate or because I think it will make me look a certain way but because I'm excited to see if today is the day I'm going to beat a PR. And those endorphins from a hard or intense workout are real - I definitely use exercise to manage my anxiety.

I'm 45 so getting older and want to be able to be active if I'm lucky enough to get old, and maintaining muscle mass, flexibility, balance etc is crucial to that. I love being able to pick up my nieces and nephews and run around with them. I love being able to lift a heavy bag of gardening soil without needing help. I want that to continue so I keep moving. My desire to have a healthier relationship with food and my desire to be a strong/active old person is what helped me let go of aesthetic goals. I wish I could tell you it was just one thing and it happened quickly but it was years of small changes, reading books, listening to podcasts, unfollowing diet-culture immersed people on social media, some therapy and a ton of grace for myself (because it hasn't always been easy) but it's definitely worth it.
 
@uticus For me, it’s about my bones, heart, and brain. Looking good is just a bonus. I went through veeerrrry early menopause and it’s super important post meno for us ladies to keep our bones strong through weights and exercising, and our hearts strong through cardio. I find that exercising helps my brain too- in the sense that it helps me sleep better, focus better, and helps my mental health.
 
@uticus For me I’m part of an all girls tackle football team and we train together by posting videos in our group chat. It motivates me to stay in shape and keep up with fitness which in turns help with the weight loss!
 
@uticus It’s about taking care of myself and doing things I genuinely enjoy. I love Zumba. It literally does not feel like a workout unless I’m having a particularly tired day. I also do Jiu Jitsu which is very tiring but it’s also a skill you build and is mentally challenging, kinda like chess, but physical. The only thing I did for aesthetics was weightlifting but even then, I was not noticing physical changes but I kept up with it because it felt good to get better at something and become stronger. Funnily enough I injured myself weightlifting and my physical therapy is essentially just changing up my weight routine so I am doing that with a purpose of getting better.
 
@uticus I have a lot of pain in my neck and back. I first started my fitness journey because I wanted to reduce pain. I started with yoga, but over time I have found strength training to make the biggest impact. And I go on walks for mental health. Being in the sun, getting my steps in, listening to music or just being in my own thoughts. Makes a huge difference. I'd like to get back into dancing too. I'm getting married next year and I want to be able to show some moves on the dance floor.
 
@uticus I'm 37 and I realise that if I am not fit as I get older I will be having a bad time. Plus I want to be able to do things with my kids. My weight loss comes from eating less but the fineness aspect is to be healthy as I grow older. Looking good will happen after a mommy makeover. These are all separate things.
 
@uticus I like to think of it as my health and not my weight. I want to exercise so I can get to the top off my stairs without panting, get in better shape so if I have kids I can be as healthy as possible for during and after. Weight is just one of the measures of health and making good workout goals contributes to your overall health.
 
@uticus I'm the same. If I'm motivated by looks or weight loss I give up. What helps me is being motivated by health. As I work out consistently I can see my blood pressure get lower, my resting heart rate drops the fastest! I love seeing that data change and knowing I'm getting healthier. I oddly have a fear of getting too skinny? Which happened recently so I stopped working out and ate a lot. I'm back to my heftier look and not feeling great, so I am now working out for health again and will try to not pay attention to feeling too skinny. It scares me when I notice guys starting to notice and paying more attention. F-ed up.
 
@uticus Focusing on increasing strength in big, compound lifts really fueled my desire to workout more, because I could see that the work I was putting in was paying off. I started exercising initially to lose weight, but the strength gains were addictive to me and I go to the gym now with the focus of progressive overload and transforming my body in a different way than just getting smaller. Makes you feel like a superhero almost.
 
@uticus Get strong. Enjoy seeing the numbers you can lift go up. Very very empowering and and was the driving force of getting me out of a bulimia hole. Ten years in, I’m still lifting.
 
@uticus I'm going to be honest it took a little therapy to undo my mother's voice in my head. I tell myself that strong helps me be independent. It helps keep my connective tissue disease in check. It helps me be happy. It also took some feedback from people admired telling me how good I was at something physical or as simple has repeating "you have freaking fierce calves" in my head instead of my mother saying "you have those thick muscular legs like your grandmother" in a derisive voice. I coach teenagers for a living, and part of why I work out is to set a good example, but I also did the work to make sure I wasn't doing anything to undermine positive reinforcement. I never want my voice to be in someone's head like my mother's is in mine.
 
@extra123 My mom is still like this (she's 80, I'm 58). She says such thoughtless things about my sister, who struggles with health and weight, and she also thinks I'm going to get "big" and "horrible" from lifting, even though I've been lifting almost 40 years and you'd never know it to look at me. Mom is in assisted living because her life choices plus some unfortunate genetics left her unable to be independent. Who am I going to listen to, her or Ernestine Shepherd? When I'm 80, barring any weird disease I can't control, I'd like to still be lifting barbells, biking to do errands, and going on vacation by myself, so I gave up taking weight/fitness advice from the person who taught me how to "go on a diet."
 
@kenjisan70 My mother definitely has a boomer view of health (she's 74), and her idea of dieting "just eat less" was coupled with not being a great cook. I still cannot eat baked chicken after a childhood and adolescence of under seasoned and over cooked skinless chicken tenderloins. Still not sure why the woman hates seasoning.

My goal is to be strong and healthy as long as possible.
 
@uticus I want to say find activities you enjoy, but incorporate them into your daily/weekly schedule. For me I liked lifting weights, and decided it was a priority to lift almost every day. Simply having the goal of it being a routine may be enough. The key is to not obsess over needing a goal and doing it instead because you enjoy it. My goal was originally to build muscle, but now I go because I love how it makes me feel and have specific weight lifting goals/body building goals. Diet culture is not the same as valuing your health.
 
@uticus I started out bike commuting before that exercise was for aesthetics. And then I added running just when the weather was nice out and found I liked it. It felt good to be able to keep up with other active friends and family. My husband and I prioritized biking for transportation on a regular basis. So at first it was really just trying to focus on general cardiac fitness goals.

And then I had kids and I wanted to be able to do daily things with them easily like lift and carry them (more important when they were toddlers), and then do fun things with them, like keep up with them at the playground, go mountain biking, just ride bikes around, go climbing, swimming, etc. and then my daughter showed interest in skateboarding so I gave it a try and realized how much plyometrics and lifting would help with that. And it just makes daily life so much easier to be able to confidently lift and carry things. I sleep better. It helps me manage my mood. I am hungry for things that help support the activities I do and so that I have the energy to have fun (like, I know that if I eat certain thing’s running will be uncomfortable).

I enjoy running, biking, and lifting and my goals are around consistency and performance-ish based. So I try to run 2-3 times a week (in the summer), bike 2 times a week (1 mountain bike ride, 1 road ride), and lift 2-3 times a week. My running goal is to increase my base mileage over the summer so I can lengthen my long runs in the fall (when I can’t mountain bike as often). My lifting goal is to be able to deadlift my body weight by the end of the summer and be able to do a pull up (no timeline, I’m just gonna work on it consistently by following a plan until it happens)

I also stopped weighing myself. Tracking other positives of exercise like my mood and how well I’m sleeping helped me too.
 
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