how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise??

@sosoxxomar Knitting and crochet are my go-to. I'm 90% knitting personally, but crochet tends to be a little easier for a beginner if OP is new to the practice. The quiet repetitive motion is very very soothing, almost like a meditation. I will sometimes do simple blankets for The Linus Project - they're easy and relaxing and also help a kid out somewhere.
 
@porcelainrose Hope this post stays up because it's very relatable!

I'm not sure I have the same 'other' stressors in my life that you do, but what you said about working out because it becomes your identity (paraphrasing) resonates with me. Similarly I'm use to training 5/6 days a week according to a fairly fixed plan (sport-specific) for a sport where numbers and results matter.

With Covid, the fun part of the sport i do is out, so I'm trying to work out whether the same level of training is something I want/need to change and see if I can be comfortable with reducing exercise without feeling guilty, bored, lazy, etc!

Most days I can comfortably say to myself, "OK I ~want~ to do this run/weights/bike session" but its those other days when the thought process is, "I don't really feel like working out, but if I don't do something I'll feel worse..." that I'd like to work on.

Having said all that, there are other things that I find relaxing and I think you just have to find those that fit your personality type. For me it's cooking and reading plus long walks with a podcast. I've tried meditation/yoga - it's not for me personally, but works for many. My mind needs to be engaged/occupied.
I think if you're used to following a plan and seeing progress then you might also appreciate a hobby or challenge that you progress at over time.
 
@plebquarreimu1984 thank you for your reply!! this really resonates with me, too. i think a lot of what i intuitively enjoyed about working out around the time i was in college (doing it with friends, being outdoors, group fitness, increased endorphins, etc) has just totally evaporated as i’ve gotten older, taken on more work responsibilities, and just gotten harder and more demanding on myself and my fitness expectations. this has only gotten more extreme while being completely WFH, of course.

i think after i take the next week or so completely off from movement, i’ll take your approach and see how much i actually still “need” to move without feeling bored/lazy/etc.

i’m completely lacking in hobbies outside of work, fitness, and just “hanging out” sitting around with friends. i think finding these things will indeed be an important component to reducing stress. thanks again :)
 
@porcelainrose I've been dealing with cancer for two years now. Pre cancer, I dealt with stress by running, swimming and hiking. Now my body straight up can't do those things.

Now, I do yoga (yoga with Adriene on YouTube has been great) and walk my dog in the woods (but only on flat stuff/not very far). I try to focus on the beauty of the place rather than what my body is doing and focus on my dog and how cute she is.

I also bake and cook elaborate meals because it gives me something to focus on for many hours at a time. For the baked goods, I leave them on my friend's porches so I don't eat all of them.
 
@dynamitex I have not. But in reading the synopsis, I'm not sure it would be helpful to me right now. I'm still working through the anger of having an illness at 30 that people aren't supposed to get until they're old, and it's work best done with a therapist who deals in cancer, rather than something I can take on on my own.

I will keep it in mind for if I feel like I'm in the right mental state in the future! Thanks for the suggestion.
 
@youaredreaming so sorry for what you’re going through, but so glad there are other de-stressors for you. i want a dog desperately!!! once i’m out of my current apartment in june, it’s happening.

ah, cooking is such a wonderful idea :) thank you. at my least stressed times i definitely cook more and also enjoy it more, but the connection between that and stress was not clear to me at all if you can believe it haha. stress is a wild thing!

Yoga is something i so enjoy but hardly ever really make time to do—adding it to the list of things i’ll prioritize over hiit from now on :) thanks so much for your reply
 
@porcelainrose I want to second yoga. It was also something I used to say I enjoyed but never made time to do. I finally forced myself to save at least 30minutes a day for it, and it has been making a huge difference. I do it at night before bed because that's when I feel like I accumulate the most stress, which then makes it hard to sleep, but I imagine doing it in the morning can help people who wake up stressed for the day ahead.

I don't know if this applies to you, but I used to keep putting doing yoga off regularly because it felt so... slow. I find that having goals helps motivate me to find the time every day. Recently I'm trying to improve my flexibility, so I have little goals to keep working towards, like touching my nose to my knees in forward fold, then touching my elbows to the floor in a lunge, then my splits, etc. But goals without pressure, you know? Like a direction, not a race.

In general, it's been a trial and error process for me, so don't lose hope if you try things suggested and they don't work for you!
 
@porcelainrose My local animal shelter has a program where you can borrow a dog to walk with so the dog gets manners training/more people see them. Maybe yours has similar? Not sure of if they'd still be doing it with COVID but worth an ask!
 
@porcelainrose OP that's a lot and it's great you talked with your doctor about it, kudos to you

real talk: everything should be on the table to help you be well; I'm gonna list all kinds of things, maybe some will resonate more than others or will trigger new ideas. None of this list is meant to be proscriptive in any way, ok?
  • therapy - and there's all kinds of therapy. if you have PTSD have you considered EMDR as a supplement to talk therapy? trauma-informed therapy is really coming into its own and there a lot more people who specialize in it now
  • medication - so many good options here, better living through chemistry is real
  • meditation - another good tool for everyone's tool kit
  • sex + masturbation - they have been known to reduce cortisol levels
  • massage
  • diet changes
  • weighted blankets
  • change in job
  • a pet
  • learning how to be kind and gentle with yourself. that will likely come through working with a good trauma-informed therapist.
I'm sure many others will have some really good ideas too. good luck OP.
 
@jeh76 Yessssss all of these. I was going to recommend therapy, meditation, massage, yoga, and reading. I would most CERTAINLY add pets. My cat and dog are my shadows and they love so sweetly. All of this advice you’ve given is so great.
 
@jeh76 thank you so much for your reply. I’ve considered EDMR many, many times but it’s always been an “i’ll get to it later” thing—this has been such a wake up call about what i’m actually putting my body through, so i think it’s time that i really take these sorts of treatment options more seriously. because my PTSD stems from a previous relationship, sex and masturbation have been completely off the table for me for many years, just another thing about my body i have yet to fully tackle or take seriously what it is causing me. in general, i think you’re so right to point to all these treatments that ultimately just put me back in touch with my physical body and what it really needs. Thanks so much again
 
@porcelainrose I'm proud of you for getting where you are now!
I have been were you are, diagnosed with complex PTSD, but only after I stopped taking the pill the effects of the stress really came to surface (aka, haven't had a 'natural' period since stopping it, june 2019), got diagnosed with PCOS as well and did some reading; it's very possible that the stress has been the determining factor in me getting PCOS.

I've since tried to get my (stress)hormones in check by
  • Avoiding/reducing inflammatory foods (diary, high sugar/simple carbs, honey) and watching my diet in general, picking healthy over junk 80% of the time.
  • exercising in different ways (e.g. I have been a runner + half-assed the gym quite some time before diagnosis, now I added more bodyweight fitness, yoga, dancing in my room, just walking, etc)
  • Reducing PTSS symptoms
    • talk therapy at first, then
    • with EMDR, very helpful for me, and
    • self-parenting. LET the pain be there, let it flood you when you're in a safe environment, 'I need to feel, for then I can heal' has been my mantra. As well as
    • seeking validation and tips from r/CPTSD and related subreddits and reading 'The Body keeps the score' by Bessel van der Kolk. Also,
    • I cannot stress enough how much writing my incoherent thoughts in an 'angry ' letter to my abusers has helped!
    • opening up to my closest friends and trying to break the taboo on trauma has also been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I chose them wisely, but they've been helping without trying by just being genuinely shocked by the stuff I went through, by asking questions, by crying even though I told a story with a poker face, by just being there for me and letting me realize some people can be trusted, and some will catch a bullet for you too, by being more patient with me now that they now what some behaviour stems from, it's the little things. Be careful to not overdo this, they're your friends, not your therapist.
  • Tension Releasing Exercises!! Also shortened to TRE, look it up! I feel it really helps me. In a nutshell; humans are meant to shake out stress but won't due to social norms (see horses/hamsters shaking after they'vebeen scared for their lives), do a few short exercises to let your body be able to shake the stress out. It really is 'uncontrolled' shaking though you can make it stop yourself, very soothing. It would decrease stress hormones.
  • Mindfulness / meditation / yoga / soul searching.
  • Taking up 'calm' hobbies I had forgotten about, for me, it's drawing, but it could also be baking, dancing, knitting, diamond painting, colouring, reading, playing a music instrument, writing stories, you name it!
  • Let myself have off-days where I do nothing than what I really feel like that day, whether that is bingewatching netflix, reading, just lying in bed, getting a face mask, taking an extra long shower (I'd probably take a bath if I could) and dressing up, doing make up and hair, getting alk fancy with body lotion, scrubs, etcetc, calling my bff, lightning candles and listen to fancy music or other shit, it's okay every once in a while.
  • Listening to podcasts, especially during household chores or doing groceries. About everything and anything, just two gamers talking, something about dating, something informative (TEDtalks or 'Universiteit van Nederland', though the latter is Dutch), some right-wing best friends talking, some feminists talking, just broadening my worldview trying to get the bigger picture by listening to all kinds of interesting people. Learning different perspectives is soothing for me and prevents me from feeling like I learned nothing in a day, hence preventing me from feeling like a useless piece of shit, haha. Listening to people talking in podcasts also makes me feel less alone when I have to quarantine.
Be kind to yourself, your abuser has made it hard enough for you. Healing takes time. To habitualize ways of stress release takes time. You're gonna face ups and downs probably, don't expect linear recovery 'cause very few are that lucky.
It's okay to have days where you do nothing, or complete just half of your to-do list, or to really not feel like working out so delaying it, or to cancel plans just because you're just not feeling it every now and then.
Feel free to ask any questions you have or to shoot me a message in general. If you look in my comment history you'd see me answering to a post asking if I'm glad I did EMDR or not and the needing to deal with resurfacing of repressed memories, and I am glad I for both though it has a dark side, maybe you can read that if you're still making up your mind about it. Good luck! :)
 
@porcelainrose you're welcome OP. sometimes we hear about stuff and it's not the right time, but then later we think or hear about it again and maybe it's then the right time. sounds like it might be that for you. right on.

it's wild how easy it is to learn to be harsh or mean to ourselves, right? then we gotta go learn to be gentle with ourselves. it's wild. i'm on that path, and it's dope! i'm a grown ass woman learning to accept it when someone yells "thank you" when they see me picking up trash. i turn into a 7 year old who just beams and yells back, "you're welcome!".

life is a funny path. you took a great wonderful big step today in talking to your doc. i'm proud of you. keep it up.
 
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