I feel really proud of myself and wanted to share with women who would get it.
I practice both muy Thai and jiu jitsu - neither of which I’ve done in a year due to the pandemic.
This week, the local rules on outdoor fitness changed and my apartment complex set up some fitness equipment outside. I live in Southern California, so the weather is great.
They put up a punching bag in one area and I was so damn excited! I’ve always done intense sports and have struggled over the last year - not able to get to that intensity inside an apartment.
So, I’m outside, working on my combos on the bag. Having a great time. Just, grinding and happy - in that sweet serotonin release when you are moving your body in a way that you love.
My experience has been that - no matter where I am - if I’m practicing my striking in public, it’s a 100% guarantee that a guy will approach me and attempt to correct my form.
I’ve always struggled when it comes to shutting down men clearly, calmly, and without panic. I either over-respond: harsh and panicking and scared. Or, I’m too nice and end up engaged in a conversation I don’t want to be in- dying inside trying to politely leave the convo. Both leave me feeling upset and annoyed at myself for how I handled it.
Yesterday, I saw a guy walking up to me out of the corner of my eye. He stopped, started saying something, and started to mimic a form correction (incorrectly). I just stayed in my fight stance, looked him directly in the eye, kept my headphones in, and said “I’m good.” Then went back to exactly what I was doing!
He walked away without any other incident. “Oh, you good, then...” Probably embarrassed, but I don’t care.
That may not seem like a huge deal, but it was to me and I couldn’t have done it without Reddit!
From being on here, I’ve learned that men aren’t entitled to my time or my response. Just because they want to interrupt me, doesn’t mean I have to let them. I can just tell them “no” and move the fuck on.
What I find so fascinating about it all is that I’ve done hundreds of public fitness activities in my life - running, biking, yoga, pull-ups, bar work, etc. All of that has attracted attention, but it’s only when I’m working on striking that men stop to correct my form.
It’s like, they feel threatened to see a woman capable of fighting and need to reassert their dominance by putting me back into my place by letting me know they know more.
But, first of all, no one invited you to this party. This is my workout. You are not invited here. Get the eff outta here trying to uninvited mansplain my workout to me.
Second of all, I have two years of high-level training from a professional fighter. I know more about fighting than 95% of people walking around. The handful of mma fights you watched and the backyard tips your pop taught you - that’s not real knowledge.
Third of all, get the fuck out of here, jambroni!
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Edit: To the supporters, thank you for holding space and understanding.
To those that don’t understand:
The reason this guy’s behavior is problematic is as follows:
It’s that: my vibe very clearly says “leave me alone.” I have a low hat on. Sunglasses. Headphones. Hands up high. Moving around a punching bag - executing combos. I’m in a zone. I’m in the middle of a workout.
There’s no reason for another person to interrupt me while I’m working out - unless there’s a safety issue. In this instance, I’m also in a “one person only COVID workout station” so no one should have been coming through at all.
This guy chose to ignore a) my vibe that says “no” and b) a COVID social distancing thing.
He wanted to mansplain my workout to me. That’s not welcome. I don’t want it. I didn’t ask for it.
Just because he wants my attention doesn’t mean he deserves it.
And mostly, based on my experiences in 20+ years of working out, and the hundreds of women here who commented - this guy doesn’t want to correct my form, he wants to hit on me.
And I’m sure as fuck not here for that - in the middle of my workout.
In this particular instance, I’m a strong ass fighter. I’m not a beginner. I know what I’m doing. There is no safety /form issue here. Of course, I have many areas to work on. But, it’s not the right of some random guy to point that out to me.
Finally, it is scary as fuck to have strange men approach you. It is terrifying. You have no idea what they want, who they are, how aggressive or pushy they will be. Most men don’t seem to understand this. I live in a huge city. I approach all strangers like they are wild cards until proven otherwise. That’s a survival skill. Having a random man walk up to me doesn’t feel safe and I’ll do what I need to to keep space between me and him - even if that comes off as somewhat harsh, because my safety is more important than how he feels.
I practice both muy Thai and jiu jitsu - neither of which I’ve done in a year due to the pandemic.
This week, the local rules on outdoor fitness changed and my apartment complex set up some fitness equipment outside. I live in Southern California, so the weather is great.
They put up a punching bag in one area and I was so damn excited! I’ve always done intense sports and have struggled over the last year - not able to get to that intensity inside an apartment.
So, I’m outside, working on my combos on the bag. Having a great time. Just, grinding and happy - in that sweet serotonin release when you are moving your body in a way that you love.
My experience has been that - no matter where I am - if I’m practicing my striking in public, it’s a 100% guarantee that a guy will approach me and attempt to correct my form.
I’ve always struggled when it comes to shutting down men clearly, calmly, and without panic. I either over-respond: harsh and panicking and scared. Or, I’m too nice and end up engaged in a conversation I don’t want to be in- dying inside trying to politely leave the convo. Both leave me feeling upset and annoyed at myself for how I handled it.
Yesterday, I saw a guy walking up to me out of the corner of my eye. He stopped, started saying something, and started to mimic a form correction (incorrectly). I just stayed in my fight stance, looked him directly in the eye, kept my headphones in, and said “I’m good.” Then went back to exactly what I was doing!
He walked away without any other incident. “Oh, you good, then...” Probably embarrassed, but I don’t care.
That may not seem like a huge deal, but it was to me and I couldn’t have done it without Reddit!
From being on here, I’ve learned that men aren’t entitled to my time or my response. Just because they want to interrupt me, doesn’t mean I have to let them. I can just tell them “no” and move the fuck on.
What I find so fascinating about it all is that I’ve done hundreds of public fitness activities in my life - running, biking, yoga, pull-ups, bar work, etc. All of that has attracted attention, but it’s only when I’m working on striking that men stop to correct my form.
It’s like, they feel threatened to see a woman capable of fighting and need to reassert their dominance by putting me back into my place by letting me know they know more.
But, first of all, no one invited you to this party. This is my workout. You are not invited here. Get the eff outta here trying to uninvited mansplain my workout to me.
Second of all, I have two years of high-level training from a professional fighter. I know more about fighting than 95% of people walking around. The handful of mma fights you watched and the backyard tips your pop taught you - that’s not real knowledge.
Third of all, get the fuck out of here, jambroni!
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Edit: To the supporters, thank you for holding space and understanding.
To those that don’t understand:
The reason this guy’s behavior is problematic is as follows:
It’s that: my vibe very clearly says “leave me alone.” I have a low hat on. Sunglasses. Headphones. Hands up high. Moving around a punching bag - executing combos. I’m in a zone. I’m in the middle of a workout.
There’s no reason for another person to interrupt me while I’m working out - unless there’s a safety issue. In this instance, I’m also in a “one person only COVID workout station” so no one should have been coming through at all.
This guy chose to ignore a) my vibe that says “no” and b) a COVID social distancing thing.
He wanted to mansplain my workout to me. That’s not welcome. I don’t want it. I didn’t ask for it.
Just because he wants my attention doesn’t mean he deserves it.
And mostly, based on my experiences in 20+ years of working out, and the hundreds of women here who commented - this guy doesn’t want to correct my form, he wants to hit on me.
And I’m sure as fuck not here for that - in the middle of my workout.
In this particular instance, I’m a strong ass fighter. I’m not a beginner. I know what I’m doing. There is no safety /form issue here. Of course, I have many areas to work on. But, it’s not the right of some random guy to point that out to me.
Finally, it is scary as fuck to have strange men approach you. It is terrifying. You have no idea what they want, who they are, how aggressive or pushy they will be. Most men don’t seem to understand this. I live in a huge city. I approach all strangers like they are wild cards until proven otherwise. That’s a survival skill. Having a random man walk up to me doesn’t feel safe and I’ll do what I need to to keep space between me and him - even if that comes off as somewhat harsh, because my safety is more important than how he feels.