After Almost 2 years I admit defeat.. I don't know what to do anymore

[warden_of_the_storm]

@evnwlsn

People around me start saying I’m wasting my time

At your age, you’re going to start realizing more and more, every day, that the people around you don’t know what the hell they are talking about. Welcome to your 30’s - we spend the majority of our 20’s pretty unsure of ourselves, it’s time to put that in the past

I have been strength training for 10+ years and I still have male friends who are like “you should do less of that, more of this” because they don’t realize that the instagram models they follow, have defined muscles that didn’t come from not strength training.

I have a father who tells me “hey, when you go to the gym, you know what you should do? Aerobics!” Like we’re in the 80’s

You know what all those people have in common? They know nothing about fitness. They do not consistently work out, they’re intermittent at best - always having to “get back into”‘working out. So, I don’t take their advice

I was, at one point, a long distance cyclist. You know how many people have given me unsolicited advice, who haven’t been on a bicycle since kindergarten?

So honestly, people have given you lots of good advice here. I suggest going harder on the weight - you won’t get bulky, your muscles won’t get huge. But my biggest piece of advice is to consider the source of those people around you who keep saying you’re wasting your time - do they work out consistently? Would you take advice from them? If the answer is no, and it probably IS no - then don’t listen to them.

Pretty much anyone who has spent a decent amount of time trying to get in shape, and did so consistently, had to field some sort of comments or BS from at least one person.

You’re not wasting your time, I can see a clear difference in these photos. Yeah, the lighting is different, but you can see progress in the flexed photos, and even in the relaxed photos I can see a difference

 

[evnwlsn]

@warden_of_the_storm but those were suppose to be "expert" people, specially when they have clients to work with, i thought they must have dealt with different types/shapes of body but instead i got these conflicted comments from them.

- one of them told me i have to eat around 1300 cals to lose fat but then another one told me no ypu have to eat more than 1700 to lose and a few who told me straight away " you need surgery "

P.S// I cannot afford to go to Gym right now thats why i try to benefit from what i have

 

[warden_of_the_storm]

@evnwlsn Yeah. It’s frustrating trying to navigate this stuff. I do get it

I think the reason you’ve received so much of this type of advice is because you’re talking to people who just aren’t seeing what your goals are. When it comes to fitness, and nutrition, people LOVE to impose their beliefs, their goals, and their needs into others

For fat loss, you do need to be in a calorie deficit. This is where I think a lot of confusion happens, because in order to build muscle, you do need to eat enough. So that’s where you get this push and pull - you get advice to eat in a deficit, then the muscle building community will tell you to eat more

You can build muscle in a deficit, it’s just very challenging. The deficit can’t be too aggressive, there’s a sweet spot where you’re in a deficit but still eating enough to support growth. For example, instead of being in a 500 cal deficit, being in a 250 cal deficit. Others will do cut and bulk phases.

I personally, just do a moderate deficit and I hit the weights hard, and do lots of cardio - that’s my preference. I don’t really like to do the cut + bull thing. this is what works for me, but if you do go that route, it does take longer to see results

As for the gym… I would look into body weight fitness programs, and maybe slowly incorporating weights into your routine. Maybe get 1-2 sets of weights, whatever you can afford, or even look into kettlebell workouts, since you can do quite a lot with just a kettlebell at home

 

[nebula1]

@evnwlsn I know you aren’t replying to me but to lose fat you need to eat fewer calories but what you need to do is to build muscle which you do while eating around maintenance (use a tdee calculator to estimate). Those two goals are in opposition so generally people build muscle first and “bulk” and then after 10-12 weeks they will move to a small deficit and lose any excess body fat.

 

[jeremiah_is_my_name]

@evnwlsn I know you say that there is no difference between these pictures, but there is actually a huge difference. The newer picture in the unflexed comparison is way closer to the camera so it seems the same but if you overlay both pictures you can see that you shrunk your underarm quite a bit. Same with the flexed ones. Everything looks tighter.

Like the other commenters recommended, stay on the muscle building path, it will shape and build your arms even more.

 

[redrum377]

@jeremiah_is_my_name Agree OP, you’ve truly made progress in a difficult area. It’s hard to see on yourself but it’s there, good work.

 

[evnwlsn]

@redrum377 thank you

 

[catmom87]

@jeremiah_is_my_name The flexed picture in particular blew me away, there is a HUGE change and I am very bad at noticing small changes.

 

[evnwlsn]

@catmom87 thank you, its good that people could see little improvments

 

[jar101]

@evnwlsn I lost quite a bit of weight over 12 years ago and had some lose skin as a result including in my arms. As I built up muscle over the years by lifting really heavy my arms is no longer an issue. I still have lose skin in other areas that won't go away despite how heavy I lift and I purposly lifting with the aim of building as much muscle as possible (I want to look "muscular"). So I do dips and tricep pushdowns to target my tricep directly. I also do bench press, shoulder press and lateral raises for my upper body "push" days.

I know you don't want go to get "muscular" but the only way to have any chance of improving your arms is to lift heavy for a few years. Then after a few years you can then evaluate and decide if surgery is still needed. You may be right that you may need surgery but at least try lifting heavy first for a few years (and also eatting more food as well)

By the way it's also normal to have a bit of "jiggle" as well. I still do and I have a lot of muscle but it's a lot less over the years.

 

[evnwlsn]

@jar101 me saying i don't want to get muscular is that i know i have to eat at surplus to be huge and for my case I can't because i still have a lot of fat and still trying to lose weight

so you mean i have to add more weights? what im doing is not enough?

if you have pictures of yourself would you mind sharing them?

 

[jar101]

@evnwlsn Yep you need to add more weight. Find a decent beginner lifting program that you can follow where you get use to lifting heavy, close to failure with good form. Suggest checking out some of the recommendations on this sub.

Also after a certain point losing weight has diminising returns. If you don't have much muscle you end up having to drop to very low bodyweight. You still end up being disappointed on how you look because of the lack of muscle. You then can't sustain it because your weight is too low and you have to eat very little to keep the weight off.

What is better is to eat more and focus on building muscle. I'm not saying you need to eat at a massive surplus either even eating more to maintain your weight now is better than you losing more weight and making things harder for yourself. One of the advantages of building muscle is that you can weigh more, eat more and still look leaner than the average person.

 

[nebula1]

@evnwlsn I know you are saying you don’t want huge muscular arms but have you tried training as if that’s your goal? So heavy weights, 8-12 reps to failure and do bicep and tricep work. Basically any upper body workout aimed at young men. By your build i don’t think you have genetics for big muscles as evidenced by your lovely shaped shoulders that aren’t at all bulky now. It may come down to surgery but until you get some muscle built it will be hard to tell

 

[warden_of_the_storm]

@nebula1 Second this, I don’t like to boast but I have very good upper body strength compared to most women, and it is something I’m proud of. And it’s because I used to have a trainer who really, really me to curling with the 20-25 pound weights, he pushed me to the heavier tricep push downs, the face pulls, the lat pull downs, which I otherwise would have stayed comfortable at lower weights.

My muscles are definitely not “big,” and I agree with you that some women have the genetics to become bulky, and others don’t.

 

[nebula1]

@warden_of_the_storm You should boast, you obviously worked hard for those muscles

 

[evnwlsn]

@nebula1 is not what I'm doing now considered for building muscle?

or should I do things differently?

 

[nebula1]

@evnwlsn If you can follow up your 3 x 12 with banded work then they’re not heavy enough imo. I would get some more dumbells maybe 8,10,12.5 and maybe 15s when you can afford it. Do 3 x 8-12 so when you can do 12 then it’s time to increase the weight. A pull-up bar would be useful too so you could do chin ups, pull-ups and tricep work with a band.

 

[kerriep]

@evnwlsn So first off I don't think you have to do surgery like someone else is saying. Definitely the nuclear option is not needed.

Question - how much cardio or high-intensity exercise are you doing? (ETA I see you do 10 min on the treadmill) Aerobic exercise burns fat, anaerobic exercise builds muscle. If you can, you can see if you can add in MORE aerobic exercise (treadmill, HIIT, jogging, etc) to help burn fat at a faster pace in addition to lifting weights and maintaining a calorie deficit. I would reckon that once you add that to your regimen you'd see the fat in your arms reduce.

Remember that you can't spot-reduce fat, so working on arms specifically may or may not yield the results you want.

(If I'm wrong def tell me where or how!)

 

[evnwlsn]

@kerriep At the start I believed that people can tighten their skin with weights but after my experience I don’t think so ,, me focusing on my arms was a way for tightening cuz I know that I can’t spot reduce fat

As for your question, I finish 10k steps a day ( walking , dancing etc) , before I was using the treadmill for 30 min but when I start focusing on weight lifting I reduce it

 

[daniel1961]

@evnwlsn So you said you don't want to have big muscular arms, but if you lift heavier weights in a progressive manner you will get bigger muscles which will fill the empty space in your skin some.