My gym partner dropped me because I’m “slowing him down”

[hilarious]

I’ve been going to the gym with my friend, let’s call him Tom, for 6 months. I was relatively new to the gym, and Tom was pretty experienced so he helped me with the form and etc. At the start I could only bench around 20kg (idk what that is in lbs) and he could bench 70kg with ease. Fast forward 6 months my physique is not the best, but it has slightly improved and I can bench 70 for 2 which is a huge achievement for me. Anyways, I exert a lot of energy during sets so we often spend time (like 2-3 minutes) after Tom’s set for me to recover and do my set. This is for all the machines in general. Well apparently this irritates Tom as it means we spend more time at the gym and also he has to constantly change the weights to adhere to my level and he messaged me this morning saying he’s had enough, and he’s going to start going alone now.

To be honest I was heavily reliant on him and I don’t want to lose all my progress. I don’t really know the split and what workouts to do, but we use to go three days a week and do push pull legs. If anybody can give me advice on how to improve my whole body, including arms,chest,shoulders,back and legs so that I can stop holding him back and give me a better split to do, I’d really appreciate it.

Thanks

P.S. English is not my first language so apologies for any confusion

 

[vlavender]

@hilarious It sounds like for 6 months your mate was your free personal trainer. Like he planned your workouts, dealt with all the weights and waited for you. Plus he got you from 20 to 70 in 6 months which is crazy.

Either you pay him, pay someone else or go alone

 

[amos_6eight]

@hilarious Can you find a friend who's new to lifting? Someone who would be at your place? (I say that, not knowing anyone to ask to be my gym mate, let alone someone at the same spot as me, lol)

 

[scottysam]

@hilarious First of all, if you want Tom to still be your partner, you can offer to help him rack weights. You guys can avoid doing same exercises one after the other, instead you do one exercise and he does other and then you guys can switch. This might also help. The suggestion of compromise is also a good one with a good example. I and my partner follow all these things to help and support each other.
Otherwise, you can find numerous workouts on this sub too, for PPL in particular.

 

[odapunkt]

@scottysam Or you give him some freaking room. He can rack the weights himself and I'm pretty sure, OP's clingyness led to Tom leaving in the first place.

 

[scottysam]

@odapunkt A matter of perspective

Only OP would know the reality. Gave him another option too!

 

[odapunkt]

@scottysam Only Tom would know the reality

 

[scottysam]

@odapunkt Haha, I’d say both!

You sound like BTDT, lol

 

[odapunkt]

@scottysam That's a fitting description lmao

 

[scottysam]

@odapunkt Just curious- How did you get out of it?

 

[odapunkt]

@scottysam If someone gets too clingy without providing something valuable themselves, I say fuck off and they fuck off.

 

[huanjo]

@hilarious Here you go, use chat gpt and copy paste these prompts.

I'm aiming to set up a comprehensive gym routine tailored to my fitness goals. I'd like to focus on improving my [Target Areas] and aim to achieve [Fitness Goal]. I consider myself to be at a [Fitness Level] and have approximately [Time available] to work out on [Workout Days Per Week]. I have access to [Available Gym Equipment] at a [WorkoutLocation]

Could you generate a customized gym routine for me which encompasses a warm-up, a cool-down, and exercises for [Workout Days] in a week? The exercises should align with my goals and strike a balance between being challenging and achievable.

After that you need your BMR. Here is the prompt.

I would like to calculate my BMR with the following information: [Gender], [Age in years], [Weight in kilograms], and [Height in centimeters]. Please provide me with the number of calories I can eat on a sport day and on a rest day. Additionally, let me know how many calories I can consume on a regular day.

—- it’s more important to get good form in your excersise to avoid risking injury’s, so search for every excersise move on YouTube. Little bit of DO your own research.

Now if you want to get lean you should go into calories deficit, around 400 calories lower than provided as regular day. If you want to bulk you should be around 500 calories higher than the regular day number.

Keep yourself on track by metering your size of muscles, if they get bigger your doing fine. if they do not get bigger every 4 to 6 weeks, this means your should try heavier weights.

Also try to avoid sugar an the wrong carbohydrates. White pasta or white rice are fast sugars. This can be useful after training because these are processed very fast by the body. But it means you will get hungry faster. Whole grain products like the brown pasta and rice are slowly processed.

Also watch your fats, avoid processed fats like a bag of chips and processed meat. Instead eat lean meat and no. Chips. You can Ofcourse in time eat something sugary but don’t go nuts

 

[amandanahas]

@hilarious Could you ask him to compromise and go every second or third time with you? Then it's less frustrating for him, and you still get that support.

I can imagine going to the gym completely solo. I (F) go with my bf and we do our workouts together. I am completely new to the gym and work in an office job so I was starting from complete scratch. He is a tradie and is already quite strong and used to go to the gym heaps when he was younger. We did everything together for the first month or two, but obviously there is a huge difference in what we can lift! We still go together to the gym but we'll do separate workouts half the time and do it together the other half. This way he can push himself without me slowing him, but he can still support me in my journey.

Obviously a bit different relatio ship from a friend to a romantic partner, but your buddy might be willing to do some sort of compromise like this?

 

[jcvd]

@hilarious Stick with what you know and have done for now. Go at your own pace and watch YouTube videos. Netflix has a Nike series also. Google up workout routine for beginners. Key importance is don’t think you can’t do it because you don’t have him. Good luck bro! You got this!

 

[keoann]

@hilarious Start doing your own thing. You can look up workout routines online or come back here for more workout advice. You'll only lose progress if you stop going all together.

 

[oldman100]

@hilarious That may be true. I don't think it's right to do everything together.

 

[ymlgarcia]

@hilarious Listen bro, you don’t need anyone else, it’s all you and you got this. Fuck your anxieties fuck whatever it is from stopping you. It’s your grind not his. It’s up to you to put in the work not him. It’s not his job to baby sit you. If your slowing him down than your slowing him down. Maybe it’s time you go at your own pace and get shredded on your own. If he’s not willing to help then he’s not a good partner am I right. Yes you need a spotter, orrrr just lift lighter for more reps until you feel comfortable enough to start adding weight. It takes years to get to where you want to be. Don’t pause the progress now because your homie bailed. Find your own motivation, do your research. Go get shredded on your own and one day you’ll be thankful. Besides you never know who might be your next gym partner. Could be someone that you meet at the gym in your own. The point is don’t let people slow you down. Your buddy took that advice and so should you.

 

[odapunkt]

@hilarious If my gym buddy was still completely reliant on me, after 6 fking months of working out, I'd drop him too.

Didn't you learn anything?

You don't even remember the split you did?

Sounds like you were constantly talking / goofing around with a lack of awareness how others respond to that.

The problem even shows here, you are asking other people to do the research for you instead of doing it yourself.

It takes 10 minutes max to Google:

"bodybuilding principles"

"different splits and when to do them"

"optimal sets / week"

If I go a to the gym with my buddies, and they are constantly lingering around me during the whole workout duration, doing the exact same exercises all the time, you best believe I'm going alone next time.

 

[ch3ryl]

@hilarious Sounds like your friend was feeling taken advantage of….and rightfully so. If you don’t even remember what your supposed to be doing after 6 months he was your trainer. His fitness was his focus and he was not your trainer. Start learning what you need to do for you or invest in a trainer. Think about it, It takes double the time for him to be racking your weights. So basically her was there much longer than he should have been when he went there with you. Take responsibility for your own health and start learning. Tons of videos are available if you don’t want to pay a trainer.