Being disciplined and holding myself accountable instead of having a personal trainer

[erasmus7]

I’m a 30 years old guy who has been overweight since his childhood. Around 5 years ago, I reached a peak weight of 87 kilos and realised that it’s high time for me to work on my body. I started working out at my college gym and was able to reduce my weight to 75 kilos in 4 months.

I started to have a personal trainer as I realised that I need to learn the right posture, the exercises etc. I’ve had multiple personal trainers for 2.5-3 years in total and have spend lakhs on them. I was able to reduce my body weight further to 58 kilos. I tried to work out by myself and I realised that I don’t have the motivation or the disciple of going to the gym everyday by myself. I need to have the external fear of someone saying for me. The same goes to workouts. I don’t seem to complete the sets if I’m working out without the trainee. I even skip cardio and it’s just a combination of motivation and laziness.

I’m 70 kilos now. I have to loose 10 kilos atleast to by Jan end as I’m getting married. I need to add some muscle mass too. I have a personal trainer and will continue to have him till my wedding. I have to spend 7.5k per month on him for all 5 days a week. He leaves after strength training is completed but I sometime miss cardio because there is no external accountability.

I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD recently and I’m under medications. One of the causes of the disorder is lack of intrinsic motivation. I lack motivation within myself to do anything. I do it only if there is a a deadline looming or only if there is someone who I have to report to. Else, I don’t do it at all.

I’ve seen guys being regular to the gym and working out regularly without any external accountability. I don’t have any friends or relatives near me. So gym buddies is out of question. There is a free gym in my apartments which is good enough for me I wake up on the weekdays with the fear of my trainer waiting for me.
The days he is on leave, I end up sleeping.

I am compromising on purchasing good brand of whey as I’m already spending 7.5 k per month on my trainer.

How do I develop discipline, be motivated and hold myself accountable than relying on external factors?

 

[etv1972]

@erasmus7 Hi, not sure if these would work for you. I have a few thoughts -

1. Every day is a new day and you should approach it just like that. Your past can’t take away the opportunity in front of you of making a change.
2. Remember the feeling after a work out. How you feel, what’s the state of mind? Taking one hour out for yourself and working on yourself is the best feeling whether it results in outcome or not is different.
3. It’s about identity. If you believe you are useless you will be useless. If you believe you are someone who will work towards improving yourself, you will. I see myself as someone who will show up at the gym even if it’s only for 15 min a day.
4. For some people social pressure works even more. Tell people around you that you will achieve x. That will push you to work towards it to save face.
5. Get someone else to work out with you or hold you accountable. I used to go swimming with my cousin - days I feel lazy he would push me and days he would feel lazy, I would push me.

Good luck. Start small and only focus on inputs - for example - my current challenge is be active 6 days of the week - which I measure by showing up at the gym - not how hard I train or how long I train.

 

[davetd]

@etv1972 Golden points brother!

 

[etv1972]

@davetd And also, I disagree that you don’t have motivation to do better. That you are asking about this on Reddit, that you have invested in a trainer, that you have been trying for the last 2.5-3 years are strong indicators that this is important for you and you have motivation for it.

It’s easy to compare with people and get disheartened. We don’t know their struggle, baggage or their context.

I would only recommend one thing to simplify - show up at the gym everyday. Even if it’s only for 15 minutes. That’s your challenge for the next 7 days. Nothing else.

You can report back here daily - we are rooting for you.

 

[erasmus7]

@etv1972 Makes a lot of sense.
It’s just not about loosing 10 kilos by Jan.
This is the ‘deadline’ I have.
I want to build a habit of being accountable for myself.
I have a lot of personal goals I’d want to achieve.
I wasn’t able to stand for more than 45 mins 5 years ago. Today, I can run a marathon of 10km.

I had a shoulder injury last year and had to undergo a surgery. Last week, I was able to do a deadlift of 70 kgs. I understand that these numbers aren’t impressive but I believe I have come a long way from where I started.

I want to be dependent on myself.
I don’t want to be dependent on anybody else for me to build habits or a routine.

I want to take part in devil’s circuit, cycle for 100km (have completed 60km), be strong enough to push my bike, put the centre stand, climb stairs without panting etc.

I am born with certain leg condition and because of this, I can’t be overweight. I can’t go beyond 62-63 kilos. Else, in the long term it’ll affect my ankles. I have to only wear light coloured and thin garments due to my sweating issue. These clothes end up taking shape of the body and my man boobs show up.

I know I can resolve all these things by just being consistent and disciplined. Thats it. All I what to do is workout everyday irrespective of whether I want to workout or not. I sometimes don’t even complete the reps without any external push. I want to be self reliant.

 

[etv1972]

@erasmus7 Inspiring vision. Now I wonder if it’s a flex post

My trainer said something profound -
“don’t say I can’t. Say I’m trying“

Best wishes!

 

[etv1972]

@davetd And it’s sis

 

[nobodyuknow]

@erasmus7 Dude instead of planning all the way to January, start taking it one day at a time. Just make yourself a promise that you’ll enter the gym everyday no matter if you workout or not. I suggest while going to the gym, carry a picture of yourself in your wallet when you were at your fittest. You need to be consistent only for one day. This single day consistency will add up over time. If you find it hard to wake up and workout in the morning, then may be try going in the evening or even at night. Not everyone can be an early bird. Motivation is overrated, just start going to the gym even if you don’t feel like going. Focus more on your diet as well. Good luck.

 

[bukola]

@erasmus7 Hi

Everyone is different. Don’t feel guilty about being needing a personal trainer. I have an online personal trainer year round, since idk when. And it is never a waste to spend money on trainer.

I feel the issue with you is that, you want to loose 10kg weight by January.
Your problem will be solved when you shift your mindset. Instead of loosing weight again and again and gaining again.
Focus on creating habits that are lifetime, sustainable.

You got an important work day, but then also you hit the gym in the morning.

You don’t need to be super hard on yourself. Gradually build such habits. Target going to gym for 4 days a week initially. Then 5, 6.

Target step count of 6k steps daily , gradually increase to 7k,8k. It may take weeks to increase, but let it be that you define your lifestyle in such a way that it gets into your bloodstream.

Meanwhile stop dieting. Fitness is a lifestyle and life long journey. Just take care of protein intake, lower fat intake and you’re good to go.

After 2 months, you will automatically wakeup early.

Successful people never have motivation everyday, yet they do what needs to be done.

Discipline > motivation.

Some of the veg protein sources- amul low fat paneer, chaaj, milk, roasted chana.

 

[erasmus7]

@bukola I agree with you.
The reason I’m concerned about depending on external factors is I believe fitness is a lifestyle. I don’t want to go to the gym everyday with the fear of making my trainer wait.
I want to be self drive as fitness is for lifetime.
It’s just not about looking good.
I believe that it’s about being strong and healthy.
I have some personal goals which demand physical strength. I want to run marathons, be strong enough to lift heavy weights, be strong enough to manage the weight of my bike etc. I also want to get rid of my man boobs. All I have to do is be consistent and disciplined in my life without relying on someone. It’s been the same with respect to career for me. I don’t seem to do things unless and until there’s a deadline looming around or if I’m being watched over.
I’m 30 , not a 15 years old guy who has to be monitored. I want to build habits that help me grow and get better in life without relying on external systems.

 

[applesaucepansy]

@bukola Hey could you please tell me how did you find an online trainer and how are they like? How does that work?

 

[jenfer]

@erasmus7 You need to get divorced, break up, get dumped for a more jacked guy or get false charges by police.

I have been through them all. I was rejected and given police threats by a south asian girl who was flirting with me while having a European boyfriend. I have always been training, but stuff like this is the final nail in the coffin.

Another stratergy is getting brain washed by a religion. Think of the Russian muslim ufc fighters like Khabib.

Lastly, I would say, it is the survival of the fittest. If everyone walk around with a six pack, I would stand no chance. It is good that there are people who slack off and hence reduce the competition for me and people like me.

 

[erasmus7]

@jenfer Awww cutie.
So you feel a girl would fall for you only if you have 6 packs and you’re jacked up?
Continue to be in your delusional bubble.

If I have the capability to loose 30 kilos, I can definitely work on myself to become fit. It’s just that I’m reliant on external factors for me to stay disciplined and motivated.

Ignore the post if you feel your words don’t help the person instead of being an entitled prick. One doesn’t have to reach rock bottom to bounce back in life. I’ve had my fair share of success which I have no interest in talking to a random guy on the internet.

Get well soon.

 

[jenfer]

@erasmus7 I have too many girls already.