Gym employee hit on me and asked for my number.. do I mention how uncomfortable that makes me to a different manager?

[markvs]

I feel bad because he wasn’t particularly creepy about it, but like the title says, I was in the corner doing workouts minding my business when an employee approached me. He made eye contact so I took out my headphones thinking I was about to be scolded for not using a mat, but he started asking if I was new, where I’m from, what I do, all of which I answered. Then he asked if I was single, and I wish I had said no. But I said yes, and then he said let me give you my number!

I know I could have said no, but I felt cornered and uncomfortable because he was a worker there and I’d see him every time I came in. He’s been texting and wanting to plan a date, but he’s 10 years my senior and I’m simply un-interested.

How do I convey I don’t want to meet in the nicest way possible so I don’t feel awkward coming to the gym? And do I tell someone what happened?

Tl;dr gym employee shot his shot and I was too uncomfortable to say no. To tell a manager or not to tell, and how do I let him down gently?

EDIT: Y’all are right, it was crossing boundaries for him to do that. For those who said I could have easily said no, you’re right, but I’ve rejected people before and they’ve reacted poorly towards me. The gym is one of the only places making me happy right now, and I didn’t want to risk losing that by upsetting someone who I’d see every single time I went in basically. I went with the path of least resistance, as I thought that was safest for me and would cause the least friction. I’m telling him I thought he was nice, but am not looking to date at the moment. And then I’m discretely telling one of the managers that it made me somewhat uncomfortable, and whatever happens, happens. I just hope I don’t feel awkward going there after I report him! Thank you guys for the encouragement.

 

[rakis]

@markvs In the same boat but I’m a 25 year old male and the receptionist is a female, I dread getting up early morning and hitting the gym just to be made uncomfortable first thing everyday lol

 

[markvs]

@rakis Yeah, I get it 100%. It's not malicious on their part, but it really ruins what for me is a place of healing and peace. I still get private messages on Reddit from angry guys on reddit calling me names saying I need to suck it up and that I should be grateful someone even looked my way, all sorts of pathetic things

 

[aguest000]

@markvs Omg this just happened to me at planet fitness, a worker came up as I minded my own business called me pretty and essentially asked for my number, I told him no nicely, and he was salty after I felt. It’s extremely unprofessional and inappropriate for the workers to hit on you while you’re trying to workout in peace. Planet fitness needs to do better. This happens too much.

 

[dawn16]

@markvs Dude here. This guy was way over the line, report him.

If you two were making natural conversation at the gym's smoothie bar, I could see maybe giving him a pass, if just because maybe he misconstrued some signals in the conversation. The cold open on the gym floor like he was trying to pick up a random girl in a pub gives me the willies. It's like he was stalking you like some sort of prey.

 

[bethlehem57]

@markvs I don't have anything to add to the excellent advice already posted, but just wanted to wish you well OP! I'm sorry this happened - this type of behavior from men is so normalized that we bend over backwards questioning our own behavior and thoughts. It can often be a no-win situation. I think you handled this whole thing that best way that you could and hope that he gets the message.

 

[ajewlinhiscrown]

@markvs I'm surprised by these responses... if he wasn't creepy about it then why complain?? I feel like people complain so much about online dating and want to meet people in real life but then when a man actually approaches a woman who he may want to get to know, they complain to the manager??? I don't think he did anything wrong. If you said no to a date and then he kept bothering you, then of course, i would go to management. But if he simply tried to strike up a conversation and ask you out, what is so wrong with that? Unless he is being relentless?? but the OP didn't make it sound that way.

 

[maximus242]

@ajewlinhiscrown Flirting between gym employees and customers can create a potentially uncomfortable or unprofessional environment. It may lead to misunderstandings, favoritism, or even harassment concerns, impacting the overall atmosphere of the gym. Maintaining clear professional boundaries helps ensure a safe and inclusive experience for all patrons.

 

[maryj94]

@markvs Why did you give him your number? That was not a good idea. A simple no would have been enough and you shouldn't text him. Your behaviour is very misleading.

I wouldn't tell the manager, you could have avoided this situation easily with a simple clear no.

 

[dawn16]

@maryj94 OP's post said he gave her his number. How text contact got initiated beyond that we don't know, but for all we know, OP texted him first. It could have been at his behest on the gym floor, but that wasn't in the post.

My personal opinion - tell him you're not interested, and leave it at that. If he goes nuts, block him and inform management. His initial approach was borderline creepy, but I don't think he completely deserves to get fired over misconstruing arguably mixed signals.

 

[maryj94]

@dawn16 I didn't even notice that he is the one who gave her his number. I don't understand why did she initiate contact.

To be blunt, I have no idea why OP acted the way she did every step of the way. Her behaviour is extremely misleading and I think it's a misunderstanding that shouldn't be worthy of professional repercussions if he didn't actually wrong her in any way.

 

[shumpy]

@maryj94 It's way easier said than done... I could have avoided many an uncomfortable situation had I just said no, or said I had a partner, etc. etc...

I work as a waitress and when customers I'm waiting on start to hit on me or ask me for my number it makes me incredibly uncomfortable to the point I usually say yes just to avoid awkward confrontation. I always feel bad about it after but the point is that it's not easy to say no especially in weird power dynamic situations. In OP's case it was incredibly innapropriate of the gym member to corner her during a workout like that.

 

[maryj94]

@shumpy I completely understand the awkwardness of the moment and I would do the same in your place, just to not miss out on the tips, but in the situation OP described, simply telling him "No, sorry, I'm not interested" would have been a good first step. If he reacted inappropriately, then I'd report him.

Even if I did give him my number, I wouldn't have texted him or simply texted him I'm not interested. Either way, I don't think it's something that merits being reported, especially if he wasn't creepy about it.

 

[blecap1]

@markvs Hey look, you don't need to explain yourself. As women we are conditioned to always be "nice" and not upset anyone.

Just wanted to say this as I see you felt the need to defend and justify yourself but we all do this. Then surprise surprise, again we're to blame.

 

[chamberlain94]

@markvs So innapropriate and so lacking in awareness. He stopped you in the middle of a workout, knowing he'd be able to secure your attention by virtue of being employed there, to ask you a few questions and then immediately tried to turn that into a date... gross, unprofessional, inappropriate, and just lacking in situational awareness and decorum.

Fuck him.

 

[drzoidberg]

@markvs I wouldn’t report him unless he persists. Since you have told him already. Or if you see him hitting on others.

 

[peacewarrior]

@markvs Go straight to the manager, this is no-no!

 

[tiktok]

@markvs Ah, to be a woman just minding her own business. Isn’t it a joy?

 

[ryanchamp]

@markvs That’s unprofessional at best. I’d mention it to a manager.

 

[dawn16]

@markvs On a totally different note, there's nothing wrong about hitting on someone at the gym no matter what we're up to. I'm sorry, but man up and tell him to fuck off. Since you're not interested just say so.