@oikonomia As others here have posted, a break from social media might be a good idea. It sounds like you are already making the right choices for yourself and your health, and I’d be willing to bet you don’t bring junk food in to the house. I’ve been on a break from Facebook and instagram before that was a lot harder than it should have been because I left the apps on my device, and it was easy in a moment of temptation to just pop them open for a second. After removing them, I’ve been able to ween myself off entirely and I’m much happier with me as a result. I’m not saying it’s what is right for everyone, but it worked well for me. Good luck!
How do I stop feeling bad as black girl about no longer being ‘thicc’, partying, drinking, etc?
- Thread starter oikonomia
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- female fitness
@oikonomia Quit Instagram. It's not reality and it's making you question what you KNOW are the right decisions for you.
There's more to life than partying and being thick, and you already get this.
There's more to life than partying and being thick, and you already get this.
@oikonomia It sounds like social media is the problem. I quit facebook (the only social media I was on aside from reddit) shortly after the 2016 election and every single aspect of my mental health has improved. Maybe cutting back the amount of time you spend on social media will help.
@oikonomia First off all, from one black woman to another, there's nothing wrong with not being "thick" or being skinny or anything in between. It sounds like you're young and I totally understand the added pressure to conform in certain ways when it comes to being a black woman but don't ever feel bad about going your own way.
There's no "right" way to be black, you don't have to wear makeup or party if you don't want to, just do what makes you happy.
Your health (physical, mental, and emotional) is of the utmost importance and there's nothing wrong with cutting out toxicity and cultivating good habits for yourself.
It sounds like you're outgrowing your friends, that's totally normal. It might be time for you to curate your IG feed to reflect more of your personal interests. Get in where you fit in! Also nothing wrong with taking a complete break from social media if it's making you feel so awful.
There's no "right" way to be black, you don't have to wear makeup or party if you don't want to, just do what makes you happy.
Your health (physical, mental, and emotional) is of the utmost importance and there's nothing wrong with cutting out toxicity and cultivating good habits for yourself.
It sounds like you're outgrowing your friends, that's totally normal. It might be time for you to curate your IG feed to reflect more of your personal interests. Get in where you fit in! Also nothing wrong with taking a complete break from social media if it's making you feel so awful.
@dawn16 Thank you so much 
I’m starting to realize from your comment and others that it really is just a growing up thing, and maybe cause I’m doing it a little early I’m feeling left out. I agree I need to curate my IG more for my interest only.
I think I’m also going to definitely take that break, to be honest I’m even excited at the thought of it, it sounds relieving lol
I’m starting to realize from your comment and others that it really is just a growing up thing, and maybe cause I’m doing it a little early I’m feeling left out. I agree I need to curate my IG more for my interest only.
I think I’m also going to definitely take that break, to be honest I’m even excited at the thought of it, it sounds relieving lol
@oikonomia Honestly a lot of adults go through this phase....sometimes in life you just gotta get it out of your system and settle down, when you’ve learned enough about the world. I can’t offer much in the way of practical advice because I’m your opposite (formerly stiff child learning to live with fun) but I can offer you validation. Just find your new tribe, and when you’ve established yourself like that and fulfilled your new needs, you’ll feel less sad about things that no longer are.
@oikonomia seems like you need new friends and a break from social media
I’m also a black girl (I’m 23) so I say this with love to you sis, you need to get over this idea of what black girls “should” or “shouldn’t” be/do/look like
try following some black influencers who are into yoga or play an instrument and you’ll find that a lot of them look a lot more like you: more natural, health conscious, minimal makeup, being fulfilled from activities that aren’t drinking/club life/dudes/etc.
at the end of the day nobody really cares what you do, whether you wanna be a black girl with a big butt or a tiny one, into clubbing or not, nobody is thinking about you as much as you think they are, so you have to live the life that makes YOU happy and proud
edit: is there a meetup group for black girls who are into fitness near you? also a great way to make friends who are attractive and fun but also very into their health is at yoga
edit 2: also when you start feeling too bad about not being a party girl remember that you receive the energy you put out into the world. keep putting out your healthy, positive energy and you will attract friends and significant others who are on the same wavelength. it might take a while but it’ll happen
I’m also a black girl (I’m 23) so I say this with love to you sis, you need to get over this idea of what black girls “should” or “shouldn’t” be/do/look like
try following some black influencers who are into yoga or play an instrument and you’ll find that a lot of them look a lot more like you: more natural, health conscious, minimal makeup, being fulfilled from activities that aren’t drinking/club life/dudes/etc.
at the end of the day nobody really cares what you do, whether you wanna be a black girl with a big butt or a tiny one, into clubbing or not, nobody is thinking about you as much as you think they are, so you have to live the life that makes YOU happy and proud
edit: is there a meetup group for black girls who are into fitness near you? also a great way to make friends who are attractive and fun but also very into their health is at yoga
edit 2: also when you start feeling too bad about not being a party girl remember that you receive the energy you put out into the world. keep putting out your healthy, positive energy and you will attract friends and significant others who are on the same wavelength. it might take a while but it’ll happen
@dawn16 This. There are different "types" of girls, black white or purple. Hippie girls and gym girls and geeky girls - you just have to find your metaphorical tribe. Follow some different people on insta!
A life you feel is genuine is something to be proud of.
ETA whatever, go ahead and downvote me. Telling people to find other people they feel they belong with ohhh noooooooo. Im not saying any of those interests are mutually exclusive, you can have different groups of friends.
A life you feel is genuine is something to be proud of.
ETA whatever, go ahead and downvote me. Telling people to find other people they feel they belong with ohhh noooooooo. Im not saying any of those interests are mutually exclusive, you can have different groups of friends.
@dawn16 Thank you so much, this is great advice
I agree that I need new friends who are more into fitness. Luckily my best friend is trying to get fit too, but she doesn’t take it as seriously as I do. I want to talk to my friends more about how I’m doing in the gym but their reactions make me feel like I’m showing off or something so I try to keep it to a minimum
I totally agree no one is thinking about me lol it’s just more of me thinking I’m doing the wrong things.
There is a yoga class at my gym but all the people that attend are women in their 50s (which is still fine, I’m friends with a few of them), but I can’t relate to them quite in the way I relate to people my age.
I totally agree about putting out positive energy, I’ve made one female friend at my gym, but it’s getting harder to make friends now as I get more advanced because it seems other girls are mostly just starting out and they’re kind of intimidated by my physique and the kind of exercises I do, if that makes sense. Going to keep trying though to find more people I can connect to
I agree that I need new friends who are more into fitness. Luckily my best friend is trying to get fit too, but she doesn’t take it as seriously as I do. I want to talk to my friends more about how I’m doing in the gym but their reactions make me feel like I’m showing off or something so I try to keep it to a minimum
I totally agree no one is thinking about me lol it’s just more of me thinking I’m doing the wrong things.
There is a yoga class at my gym but all the people that attend are women in their 50s (which is still fine, I’m friends with a few of them), but I can’t relate to them quite in the way I relate to people my age.
I totally agree about putting out positive energy, I’ve made one female friend at my gym, but it’s getting harder to make friends now as I get more advanced because it seems other girls are mostly just starting out and they’re kind of intimidated by my physique and the kind of exercises I do, if that makes sense. Going to keep trying though to find more people I can connect to
@oikonomia sending you lots of love, support, and black girl magic!
jerryhuerta
New member
@oikonomia Also join us over at blackladiesfitness! 
angel33babygirl
New member
@oikonomia I want to build on what the first chick said and tell you that you need to break the mold! You talk about how black girls should be a certain way, but this is the perfect opportunity for you to be a role model to other black women that it is okay to have a smaller chest and ass, it is okay to love movies, it is okay to dislike partying, or whatever you wanna focus on. You are a human being. Your skin tone and gender do not define who you are and what you like to do. Be your authentic self and let that shine in real life and on social media, and I bet you more people like you will gravitate towards you.
@angel33babygirl This is so sweet, thank you
One of the things I want to do in the future is get a PT certification and help teach kids how to live a healthier life (I was overweight as a child) and you’re right, I can’t do that if I’m not living that lifestyle
One of the things I want to do in the future is get a PT certification and help teach kids how to live a healthier life (I was overweight as a child) and you’re right, I can’t do that if I’m not living that lifestyle
@oikonomia Sounds like you’ve changed and your friends haven’t. That’s not a bad thing, but you may have outgrown your friends. You might need a new friend group who are more in line with your new hobbies. If your interested in running, I recommend looking into Black Girls Run. I see them a lot at races and will say I’m a little jealous of their camaraderie as a white lady.
@kimserico Thank you! It looks like they’re in the states but other people have suggested something like this, so I’m going to try and find something similar where I live x
taxidriverlionel
New member
@oikonomia This is a good thing, it means you're growing up and accepting and understanding what you truly value. It's bittersweet bc you're closing the door to that fun and exciting part of your life. Being a bad b can come in many forms! Instead of partying, make it about the money! Lol kidding and not kidding. Check out stories of powerful women and getting that next wave of happiness from seeing your nest egg grow. It's a different kind of feeling but something tells me it just might be the hobby to fill that void.
taxidriverlionel
New member
I realize now that my comment doesn't pertain to your comment very well, so to elaborate, just wanted to say that I get where you are coming from. I used to drink and party and had friends like this. It's all fun and games until it's not. I met someone that helped me decide to change my mindset of what I want and how to meet my goals. It's not easy but when you're always chasing the next thing and the next, the feeling of anxiety doesn't go away. It's ok to be happy for them and be happy with who you are. Wishing you the best!
@taxidriverlionel I lowkey agree with you about the money thing lol. One of the reasons I stopped doing all those things was to focus on school and my career goals more, and last summer I got an internship with a top 5 CPG company which was crazy. While I was working there I wasn’t feeling any FOMO whatsoever, I think because I was at the peak of realizing my personal goals
I’m going to try and be more content with the now though, whether that’s making money or just being in school lol
Thank you so much for your advice x
I’m going to try and be more content with the now though, whether that’s making money or just being in school lol
Thank you so much for your advice x
taxidriverlionel
New member
@oikonomia Congrats on that internship!!! Surrounding yourself with positive energy and good healthy, fun competition is such a great way to channel your energy! Turn it into boss lady vibes!!!