Gym employee hit on me and asked for my number.. do I mention how uncomfortable that makes me to a different manager?

[mitchie225]

@markvs As a supervisor, PLEASE tell his manager. I would want to know so I could have a conversation about appropriate work behavior. Management needs to have a conversation with him and document it. This may come in handy if it turns out he's using work time to do this to dozens of customers.

If y'all had struck up a friendly and flirty rapport over time and eventually it led to dating, that's just something that happens. But he is approaching customers like he's in a bar. While he is at work. This is not ok.

 

[exoregonsoldier]

@mitchie225 I had a huge crush on one of the trainers at my old gym years back (not my trainer for the record). And that crush only developed because we did have a bit of a flirty rapport that built up over time. He ultimately wasn't into me, which was totally fine and I completely respected. But that's like the only way I can see this that situation being okay. In OPs scenario it's literally like some dude coming up to you in the break room on your first day of a new job and asking for your number.

 

[onbrokenwings]

@mitchie225

If y'all had struck up a friendly and flirty rapport over time and eventually it led to dating, that's just something that happens. But he is approaching customers like he's in a bar. While he is at work. This is not ok.

this!!!! nailed it! not ok!

 

[susandaniels]

@markvs I would tell the manager.

 

[dawn16]

@markvs I would tell him no thank you I’m not interested, then if he doesn’t back down alert a manager. If he says anything inappropriate, aggressive, or makes you uncomfortable at the gym, alert a manager. If it’s just simple he tried, you’re not interested, move on, I would not say anything. It’s not appropriate for him to use his job to hit on people though and I would tell him that

 

[yyttr4]

@dawn16 Yeah, whether or not OP chooses to go to management, it's a good idea to let the employee know so he has a chance to stop pushing the issue. I think if I was going to try and let him down gently I'd say "I didn't mean to give you the wrong impression but you caught me off guard when you asked me for my number. I'm not interested in pursuing this."

 

[dawn16]

@yyttr4 Why do you think that it’s her responsibility to warn him? His job and feelings are his own problem.

 

[yyttr4]

@dawn16 I wasn't trying to suggest it was her responsibility to talk to him, but she did ask how to reject his advances in the nicest way possible, and I understand not wanting to hurt someone's feelings with a rejection. If she says she's not interested and he respects that and leaves her alone, that's better than him continuing to pester her until he gets the message or management gets involved.

 

[xenubuddy]

@dawn16 You should be correct, but unfortunately women often have to sugarcoat things like this for their own safety - if the guy is this pushy who knows how he’ll handle being rejected?

 

[dawn16]

@xenubuddy Exactly. Which is why she should block him and report him to management.

 

[dawn16]

That only works if management is competent FWIW. He wasn't overly aggressive, so it's more likely than not that he just gets a reprimand IMO, though hopefully that's enough to deter this kind of behavior in the future.

 

[dawn16]

Well if they don’t comply then she can take her business elsewhere.

 

[xenubuddy]

@dawn16 I agree - was just addressing the “his feelings aren’t your responsibility” comment

 

[shaylovesjesuschrist]

@yyttr4 I agree with this, I would keep it between the employee and me first. If he doesn't stop, then I would go to the manager.

 

[maggiecutajar]

@dawn16 I agree, although you were uncomfortable I wouldn't say it's necessary to report UNLESS he keeps making moves at you AFTER you tell him you're not interested. It is quite creepy though, do you usually talk or something like that?

 

[roses1958]

@maggiecutajar Yeah, not even an employee/manager situation but more so just as a person, I would give him a chance to stop. Since OP was cornered (NOT ur fault. I would’ve done the same thing) he got her number and probably thought she was interested. If he keeps pursuing then go to a manager.

 

[helinascott]

@roses1958 From the OP, it actually sounds like he gave OP his number and SHE texted him first. Which would make things confusing although he 100% shouldn't have approached her yhat way at all.

I wouldn't report either, unless he takes it badly or makes it a hostile environment.

 

[skipster]

@roses1958 It was completely inappropriate to approach her at all. Why should OP wait for him to violate that boundary a second time before reporting him?

Gym employees don't have a lot of power in the grand scheme of things, but they do have some power in a gym. We stop what we're doing when they get our attention and we generally do what they say. This guy abused this power imbalance to interrupt OP's workout and coerce her into giving him her number when she was not remotely interested in him (and wasn't even interacting with him). It's seriously messed up to defend that as ok and put the onus on OP to coddle this guy and shield him from the consequences of his own actions. If he somehow truly doesn't understand how gross that is to do to somebody then he should learn that lesson now.

 

[bethlehem57]

@skipster Just want to say that i really appreciate this whole thread and especially your comments. There is a lot of predatory behavior by men and prioritizing/centering their feelings over the discomfort of women that is completely normalized and talking through these dynamics and boundary-setting is so important.

 

[roses1958]

@skipster ?? I think y’all are looking way too deep into this. If OP wants to tell a manager, she can do so. If she wants to tell the dude to back away and give her space, she can do so as well. Either way OP isn’t in the wrong but to assume that this guy was all like ‘fuck yes I will use my power of being employed here to coerce this girl into a date with me’ is fucked and not realistic. Like, he’s a human too. Thought OP was cute and tried to pursue it, OP is uninterested and is uncomfortable with the situation because she’s shy or just wants to focus on the gym— she doesn’t need a reason to be uncomfortable. But y’all need to learn to give human people some fucking grace.