Gym employee hit on me and asked for my number.. do I mention how uncomfortable that makes me to a different manager?
- Thread starter markvs
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- female fitness
chosen2015
New member
@markvs Please ignore all the fartbags telling you “you could’ve said no.” You were uncomfortable and did what you could to get out of an uncomfortable situation. You don’t have to be ashamed of that for any reason whatsoever. You reacted in the moment in a manner of self-preservation. Keyboard warriors wanna fuck around and claim they would be some kind of...well...warriors, but no one knows how they’d react in a given instance and most people are way less confrontational than they think.
I hope that dude gets punished, and I’m sure he will be. More than that, though, I hope you’re able to find comfort and relax at the gym again!
I hope that dude gets punished, and I’m sure he will be. More than that, though, I hope you’re able to find comfort and relax at the gym again!
sealedinchrist
New member
@hexhammer This!
Its very common for people to choose the path of least resistance if they're stressed or feel threatened, scared what the consequences would be otherwise etc. Also in worse situations like harassment and assault.
We realllly shouldnt shame people for that, it sucks that it happens, but we should be supportive instead.
Its very common for people to choose the path of least resistance if they're stressed or feel threatened, scared what the consequences would be otherwise etc. Also in worse situations like harassment and assault.
We realllly shouldnt shame people for that, it sucks that it happens, but we should be supportive instead.
curiousquestionposter
New member
chamberlain94
New member
@pompster2 It's not a perfectly reasonable request at all. He interrupted her workout - knowing he could do that because he's an employee of the gym and took a somewhat normal interaction where he could've asked a few questions and disappeared into asking her out.
She was minding her own fucking business, never seen or spoken to him before and he used his position as an employee to try and get something out of her... shows a total lack of social awareness and professionalism. What a fucking dick.
She was minding her own fucking business, never seen or spoken to him before and he used his position as an employee to try and get something out of her... shows a total lack of social awareness and professionalism. What a fucking dick.
curiousquestionposter
New member
@pompster2 I disagree she should report them. He wasn’t thinking about his career when he asked her out, now he must face the consequences of his actions. He did that to himself 
@curiousquestionposter The question is what the consequences for asking someone out on a date should be.
@pompster2 That's for the owner of the facility to decide, once they have the information.
@dynamitex But as a society do we want to potentially punish people for asking someone on a date? Is that who we are?
@acer621 Ultimately, neither of us have a say in the situation and we can agree to disagree. But I worry about a society that is so focused on reliation and consequences for basic human requests, a date. This is not sexual harassment or abuse of power. We have many people who are lonely, sad, and sex in general is the lowest in several generations. People hate online dating. And we should consider our opinions and what kind of society we are creating where anyone is afraid to ask someone else, sincerely (fully accepting of a no answer), on a date.
@pompster2 Many women are so thoroughly sick of being asked out in every inappropriate circumstance that I can agree that sometimes the responses go too far. As a mod I've removed a number of them in this thread alone.
But people are fully able to pick the right time and place to ask someone out. A woman stretching, with headphones on, does not in any way say to me, 'Approach me, I'm keen for conversation!' There are some men who have a sense of entitlement over women's time, and I would suggest that this is one of them. There are, it seems, no places on earth that women can go where hey won't be asked out. And lots of women are sick to fucking death of it.
There are also professional standards at play here. A gym employee should not be interrupting patrons to hit on them. If a conversation happens naturally, perhaps over time it might have been appropriate for him to ask her out, but these circumstances are in no way the right ones for that.
But people are fully able to pick the right time and place to ask someone out. A woman stretching, with headphones on, does not in any way say to me, 'Approach me, I'm keen for conversation!' There are some men who have a sense of entitlement over women's time, and I would suggest that this is one of them. There are, it seems, no places on earth that women can go where hey won't be asked out. And lots of women are sick to fucking death of it.
There are also professional standards at play here. A gym employee should not be interrupting patrons to hit on them. If a conversation happens naturally, perhaps over time it might have been appropriate for him to ask her out, but these circumstances are in no way the right ones for that.
curiousquestionposter
New member
@pompster2 This punishment is not due to societal rules in general, but rather enforcing appropriate behavior in the work place. And yeah, if you want to be seen as a professional, behave like a professional.
whatislife
New member
@markvs Regarding your update: No. You'd be shooting yourself in the foot.
Understandable. He cornered you, literally and metaphorically....
But repeating the same behaviour with the same person is likely to get the same result.
It's up to you of course, but I really, really would not do that. You'd basically be telling him hitting on you was fine but circumstances. He'll probably keep trying to chat with you and eventually hit on you again since he knows you like him and a month has passed so how about next Saturday?
Additionally, what happens if you meet a guy you are actually interested in at the gym? Are you going to not date him? Date him but try to hide it from that particular trainer? Openly come and leave and flirt with your boyfriend and deal with the trainer possibly going all "Oh, yeah? Not looking to date, are you now?!" Now that is really going to be awkward even if it's just looks or his body language.
And lastly, telling him you thought it was nice may come to bite you in the butt if the whole thing escalates.
I think, being honest and direct in a polite factual manner may be easier overall than trying to appease him with a sugarcoated lie.
Understandable. He cornered you, literally and metaphorically....
But repeating the same behaviour with the same person is likely to get the same result.
It's up to you of course, but I really, really would not do that. You'd basically be telling him hitting on you was fine but circumstances. He'll probably keep trying to chat with you and eventually hit on you again since he knows you like him and a month has passed so how about next Saturday?
Additionally, what happens if you meet a guy you are actually interested in at the gym? Are you going to not date him? Date him but try to hide it from that particular trainer? Openly come and leave and flirt with your boyfriend and deal with the trainer possibly going all "Oh, yeah? Not looking to date, are you now?!" Now that is really going to be awkward even if it's just looks or his body language.
And lastly, telling him you thought it was nice may come to bite you in the butt if the whole thing escalates.
I think, being honest and direct in a polite factual manner may be easier overall than trying to appease him with a sugarcoated lie.
whatislife
New member
@markvs I think you may feel awkward running into him at the gym no matter what. That really sucks.
Report him to his manager/the gym owner.
If they have other locations consider if you want to transfer your membership. I paused after typing this because you absolutely shouldn't have to do this. You should be able to workout without having to deal with it. But you aren't. And if you stop working out because of this it is hurting you, not him. Crappy situation.
So he gave you his number and you accepted it... but how did he get yours? Did you give it to him or did he look it up in your file or...?
If you do want to answer him at all I'd probably text something like:
"I felt obligated to talk to you because I originally thought you were addressing me in an official capacity but am really uncomfortable with where this is going. Please do not contact me again/ contact me privately."
But honestly it is complete fine to just ignore his messages because he should know better without having to have it spelled out for him. Keep his messages in case you need to show them to someone down the line.
Report him to his manager/the gym owner.
If they have other locations consider if you want to transfer your membership. I paused after typing this because you absolutely shouldn't have to do this. You should be able to workout without having to deal with it. But you aren't. And if you stop working out because of this it is hurting you, not him. Crappy situation.
So he gave you his number and you accepted it... but how did he get yours? Did you give it to him or did he look it up in your file or...?
If you do want to answer him at all I'd probably text something like:
"I felt obligated to talk to you because I originally thought you were addressing me in an official capacity but am really uncomfortable with where this is going. Please do not contact me again/ contact me privately."
But honestly it is complete fine to just ignore his messages because he should know better without having to have it spelled out for him. Keep his messages in case you need to show them to someone down the line.