I hate working out

[sriram]

I am literally crying after my first workout of the year. i thought I’d feel proud of myself because I haven’t had a proper workout that wasn’t just walking in months, but I just feel weak and bitter that other people can eat as much as me and still look normal because they’re taller. Fuck all those “you’re short, so your appetite should match your body” posts!!

I’m so much weaker than before and I’m overweight. Back then, I was at least fat and “fit” (i.e. average level of fitness), but now I’m just fat! And I’ve realized that there’s no difference between how fitter me and not fit me is perceived because they’re both fat! And I don’t care if “exercise makes you feel stronger.” Being stronger did nothing for my self-esteem. I’d rather be like those skinny girls who run out of breath when they walk up stairs than be fat and fast/strong like I used to be.

I feel like I worked so hard back then. Definitely not as good as others who workout like two hours a day and barely eat or whatever, but at one point, I was getting in at least 30 minutes in every day, but it all feels like it was for nothing. I fought so hard with my appetite and tried to get it to be normal like everyone else’s, but I failed and binged every other day.

When I hit my goal weight, I didn’t even feel good. Because I had no idea how to maintain it without feeling anxious about food and exercise.

Even when I thought I was thin enough, I’d get comments on how my legs were big, and I couldn’t wear the clothes everyone around me wears because my stomach was never flat even during the one week I was close to underweight before I ruined all of my progress and quickly went back to my starting weight. And now I’ve gone beyond that starting weight. Literally what was the point!!

I can’t imagine having to do that all over again. I constantly felt like I was battling with myself over whether I could eat or not. A part of me prefers being fat right now and feeling less anxiety over food. I know I’d look a little better (but not even significantly) if I lost even just 10 pounds (which takes forever at 4’10 like y’all know) but the idea of redoing everything again just brings me to tears.

 

[sweetkf]

@sriram Girl, you need therapy if you want to have any hope on breaking out of this mental prison you’ve created for yourself around diet and fitness.

Calories are energy. Larger people require more energy just like larger cars require more gas. It’s a fact you have to accept and stop referring to it as “fairness”. There’s no fairness, it’s just a fact. Accept it. Move on from it. You’re letting this false idea of fairness live rent free in your head and using it to sabotage yourself. Stop it.

You will never get where you want to be without accepting yourself today. Please get therapy and resolve these issues first.

 

[mattpatt]

@sweetkf Agree 100%. Get your butt to therapy girly. You need to get to a point of body neutrality. Hating yourself gets you nowhere. You don’t have to love your body but you can’t go through life hating it if you want to change anything.

Also, find a type of workout that you enjoy to start getting yourself moving. It doesn’t have to be all in at the gym, it can be anything from weight lifting, swimming, walking, playing tennis/basketball/frisbee etc. If you aren’t going to do it you aren’t going to see progress. I hated exercise, hated cardio, hated the feeling of being out of breath or working hard. But I loved skating, so I ramped that up for a while, then cycling because I could be a little competitive, and I’m now beginning a running program, and have to start weight training and conditioning to not get injured. I essentially tricked myself into being excited to work out.

The brain is easy to trick, whether for good or bad.

 

[athanasius88]

@mattpatt This is a little off topic, but could you tell me more about weight training to improve running?

I started running a couple of months ago (Couch to 5k) and I'm thinking of adding weight lifting to my routine. What program should I follow?

 

[mattpatt]

@athanasius88 Im not sure, I did my first 5K yesterday as a baseline and was told by my runner cousin and someone on Reddit to start doing things to stretch and strengthen hips, glutes, thighs, and core. I’m going to start with air squats, clamshells, planks, and bridges and work my way up into adding resistance bands and weights. If you find a good program let me know, I’m doing it on the fly right now since there so much information out there on running it’s overwhelming.

 

[odangdude]

@athanasius88 I ran competitively in college, and ime, every college athlete is doing strength training in the gym. Even the golfers. For runners, it helps improve running efficiency and times (stronger muscles = faster run times). But even keeping up with basic bodyweight and light weights work.

There’s way too many strength training routines out there advertised as for runners and most don’t an okay job of focusing on the right parts (legs, core, plyometrics) that it doesn’t really matter which as long as it’s accessible to you and you actually do them. There’s no agreed upon routine. Just searching “strength training” in any running subreddit, and I guarantee every single result has a different routine, usually to target areas each person is concerned about or to fit in to the amount of time they have.

A couple personal faves:
The Myrtyl Routine for pre-runs.

Core exercises like planks, glute bridges, russian twists, crunches, and leg raises
All the squats, deadlifts, and lunges for leg days

And frankly all of those also have mile long lists of variations that you can mix it up with.

Or, there’s the YouTubers. Caroline Girvan has leg and core days in her programs, so I can pull those up. But other YouTubers and whatnot should have similar videos. And then if I’m like “I’m not feeling like that did anything for my stupid ass shins and they’ve been acting up.” I’ll just google something up and tack it on after.

But if you’re sore after a weight training day, the next day should be at recovery pace at the very least if not a rest day. Overworking the muscles does nothing to improve, only inhibits recovery.

 

[athanasius88]

@odangdude Thank you so much! This is really informative. I've started looking for weight lifting programs for runners, and I felt overwhelmed because everyone keeps talking about how what they're doing is the best.

I'll start with the Myrtyl program and modify it according to what feels good.

 

[mattpatt]

@odangdude Amazing, thank you!

 

[simple_man]

@sweetkf Yea. This reminds me of when people complain "Why do others get to be effortlessly skinny and I don't?" You don't really know what other peoples lifestyle habits are so you can't be bitter than other people have it (seemingly) easier. Like why is the assumption that everyone isn't trying but I am? Why would YOU be the outlier or the special one? Lots of skinny people are trying their ass off. Sometimes it's effort. Sometimes it's genetics or being 19 years old. Sometimes it's crack.

 

[ayrus87]

@simple_man Sometimes it's crack.

 

[simple_man]

@ayrus87 If I had a dollar for every time I saw someone skinnier than me and then found out they have a diet of vapes meth and Taco Bell

 

[ayrus87]

@simple_man Omg So true!

 

[alan]

@sweetkf Cosign this comment— Therapy! These feelings are beyond the typical pangs of self-consciousness or body dissatisfaction, and you deserve support from professionals to help you work through it.

Don’t go workout if it puts you in such a terrible mental state that you’re breaking down in tears. Mental health is more important than a gym session that makes you feel like crap.

And additionally: Get out of fitness and diet subreddits (and, if I were in your shoes, I’d stay off the non-recovery oriented ED communities too, especially if they ever trigger you). Reduce or eliminate social media. Do anything you can to stop consuming gratuitous content that facilitates ruminating on or coveting other people’s bodies.

 

[sabin]

@sriram The one thing that helped me was to work on stopping comparing myself to any previous versions of me. Today is a new day. If I’m able to get through X minutes of a workout today, that’s my starting point and I’ll compare it to how I do next week. Feel good next week, next month, etc. about how far you’ve come from today, not some previous version of yourself.

Anyone who comments on your body in whatever clothes you choose to wear isn’t someone you should be listening to. I’m sorry you have people in your life like that.

Don’t give up - but don’t do anything if it’s for other people or for their approval or in response to comments. That kind of “motivation” only gets you so far, and is negative. Think about what you want and why, and use that - it will be important when motivation wears off and you’ll need some discipline to keep going (and some self love, too, and grace when things don’t go as planned - discipline will get you back in the game when things happen). Be kind to yourself and keep your chin up!

 

[abastzar]

@sabin Valid. If I tried to keep up with my 20s body in my 30s I'd bust something before I hit the 40s.

 

[rossylisy]

@sriram What helped me was giving up the battle. I just ate at maintenance for my ideal weight and exercised for health (lifted 2x/week which I actually like) and walked whenever. I ultimately got down to my ideal weight range and maintain it easily even if I go off the rails a little over the holidays or on vacation like I just did. If you battle over 10lbs eventually it can become 40 because you have lost perspective. Loving your body is key. Your job is to take care of it by nurturing it with nutritious food you actually enjoy and moving it in ways that make it feel good. Your body is like a child or pet. If you mistreat it the neglect and abuse will ultimately show up in insidious ways and harm your mental health too. Geneen Roth wrote some good books about this. Maybe try making 2024 the year you accept your body as it is as treat it as the beautiful biological machine that carries your spirit around. It will respond like any sentient being to your care and attention. Safe travels!

 

[carol777]

@rossylisy This! Do what you like doing and don’t put pressure on yourself to do what others are doing or to get results quickly. Accept that change takes time, and that if you just do something small every day it will add up! I hate all cardio except walking my dogs, and I’ve learned that when I force myself to run or bike or whatever I end up quitting everything out of frustration and exhaustion, and then gaining back “vengeance” weight.
So I walk my dogs. I focus on going farther with them sometimes, or checking out new areas of my neighborhood, but I don’t push myself to go faster or jog. This, along with a very simple non-strenuous weight routine (I don’t like working hard!! I will never lift to exhaustion lol, I have finally accepted that I won’t CONSISTENTLY do things I hate -that will always be true!!) I’m finally seeing sustainable results for the first time in 15 years.
Fighting yourself all the time is exhausting, I echo above- Give up the battle

 

[nolanj]

@sriram A few things -

Sounds like you have put yourself through the ringer of punishing your body. Mentally and physically. How long ago was this past you talk about? Sometimes I have to be real and acknowledge literal YEARS have passed and that my body cannot handle the way I used to work out or look. Or at least getting to my goals looks different, or my goals look different!

you rather be one of those skinny unfit girls…bb that was me. I remember saying “I don’t care how my insides look, as long as I’m a skinny old lady”. OOF. For real??
I had a lot of healing to do. It’s a lifelong thing. I’ve realized I can have my aesthetic goals while also taking care of myself. I was just too far on the end of restriction…it’s all a pendulum. I swung to the “eating whatever I want” out of protest and now I’ve finally reached a healthy medium.

I feel for you and it sounds like your body needs to feel a little of that compassion too. You’ll get to your goals eventually and don’t forget that!

 

[windowsxp_98]

@sriram I’ve decided that this year I’m gonna try to just play some just dance (aka just look for the youtube videos and copy them). I used the love that game and it never felt like a workout. Maybe start there and see how you feel?

 

[dawn16]

@sriram It IS fair though. If you are in a smaller body you require less energy, you need less energy to satisfy your bodies needs than someone who is larger/taller. I think you need to seek professional help, I was also overweight at one point and thought this way while dealing with disordered eating. You do NOT want to be weak and skinny. You think you do but you don’t. You are not in the right mental place right now to lose weight. If you ARE only 10lb from being underweight right now as you’re saying than there’s literally no need for it and your body is probably in a healthy place and is fighting you trying to lose because it’s not necessary. If you are stressed about food it’s going to be very hard for you to enjoy life and workouts and your body. I would stop counting calories or whatever you are doing and focus solely on how your body feels, do workouts YOU enjoy and try not to compare your body to others! We are all built differently and your body does so much more for you besides the way that it looks!