Frustrated about body size and TDEE

@johnjs37 yeah sometimes i get sad that my bf can eat 3x the amount of food every meal & not gain weight. it’s also more expensive to eat that much! so a positive is that our dollar stretches longer— but our appetites don’t 😂
 
@johnjs37 Think of it this way, we get to save more money on food.

Have you ever thought about how much money an average man spends on food? Much more than us petite ladies. We are cost effective :)
 
@johnjs37 This is one of my biggest frustrations. I'm 5' 1.5" and have worked multiple BOH jobs because I love to cook. I make my own bread, tofu, noodles, etc. It sucks to pour my heart into making a beautiful sour dough, red bean buns, or shepherds pie knowing I can only have a tiny amount of I'm sticking to appropriate portions. My 6 foot partner in the other hand can have a ton AND still snack during the day.

My white board at home even says "more muscle = more food" at the top lol
 
@godsman247 I FEEL this as I used to be BOH, pastry mainly and I've been itching to bake so bad but my family doesnt like to eat a lot of the baked goods I want to make and I dont live nearby any close friends to pawn off the goods.
 
@johnjs37 Definitely feel this hardcore lately. I'm 5'1, 150lbs. Like most people here, I'm trying to stick with around 1,300 calories per day with 5 days of exercise per week.

When I see how much other people get to eat per day with no exercise, it bums me out. 1,800 cals a day? A whole entire 2,000 cals a day??? I sacrificed dinner last night so that I could enjoy a hard cider and a small chocolate chip cookie with my boyfriend.

Dating men makes it extra annoying because so many of them are oblivious to their calorie consumption and they just never gain weight. A large McDonald's meal with fries and a coke the side of my head? Wham, bam, thank you ma'am. I could eat one third of that SINGLE MEAL and it would blow my daily calories out of the water. My ex used to go on cycles of "fitness"/being sedentary, and I swear he could lose 20 pounds in a month by just eliminating soda. That's IT. No exercise (or even counting steps), weighing his food, keeping track of macros, NOTHING. And there I would be, waking up at 5 AM every morning to walk in the pitch black frozen tundra to the gym trying to pack as much protein into 1300 cals as humanly possible.

With my other extenuating circumstances, weight loss often feels impossible. I have celiac disease, which means the food I can eat has been severely reduced while also facing a high chance of weight gain anyway as my small intestine heals. It should make me happy that I've gotten a diagnosis and can start getting better! But I'm fighting the weight gain from that combined with the water retention from my birth control AND my nerve pain meds for fibro. I'm in physical therapy for hEDS and I just started a running program, but it hurts EVERY damn day that I do it.

To a point, it feels hopeless and like I'm robbing myself of what little pleasure I can get out of life by being so restrictive and pushing myself all the time. But I also struggle immensely with how I look in the mirror, and my favorite clothes are starting to not fit. So, which form of discomfort am I more willing to endure?

Why is that a choice I even have to make?

Solidarity, OP.
 
@dawn16 I can 100 percent relate to dating men and the frustration with that. I was dating a guy who was complaining about how much food he needed to eat (he was trying to gain muscle). I literally wanted to punch him in the face. I get that is a struggle for some people but I always had the opposite issue and wished I had that "problem." I just can't empathize with people who deal with that.

I got into a long term relationship a few years ago and like immediately gained 15 pounds because we were eating meals together and I just naturally ended up eating more. Gaining weight is not painful, uncomfortable, or unnatural feeling. It really feels like the most natural and normal thing to overeat. I donteven notice it most of the time.

I'm sorry you are dealing with health issues on top of trying to lose weight. I hope things improve for you and you reach your goals.
 
@johnjs37 I feel the same way about gaining weight!! Like I'm sorry that anyone has to feel self-conscous in their bodies but I am SO jealous of anyone who can eat more and look better for it. My genetics make me gain weight in the least attractive places so I don't get any wiggle room that way either.

Not to mention, being underweight still puts people in a better spot socially and fashion-wise. There are tons of advantages to being skinny that fat people don't have.

And I wish that overeating was a little more uncomfortable, at least as uncomfortable as being hungry all the time!! I can't even sleep when I'm hungry.
 
@johnjs37 That's why I don't really eat outside, only while on holiday and with my family around family celebrations. Otherwise, I do all meal prep at home and mostly focus on veggies. I've realized I still maintain at around 1700, which is actually not bad (47.5kg, 153cm, 31F), so staying active is also one of the things that certainly help.

But yeah, I feel you.
 
@johnjs37 Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.

I think it depends on what I'm eating. If it's cake, it's never enough. If it's rice, it's too damn much. 😅

I'm bulking rn and I'm in the phase where I don't know HOW people eat so much. I'm up to 250g carbs this week. Some guys I know bulk on 500g carbs, which I just can't wrap my head around. I look at my macro plan some days and I'm like, "HOW much rice do I have to eat? Nah, dude. Double it and give it to the next person "
 
@mj_1969 Yes! I feel like I can eat like 1000 calories worth of dessert in one sitting and still want more. That amount for us makes a huge impact but for a bigger person, it can just be worked in to their diet.
 
@johnjs37 FELT this. A slice of cheesecake from the cheesecake factory ranges from 830-1580 and while it is a HUGE serving, even half of it would put a substantial dent in my daily diet. It's always do I want food or do I want desserts. I WANT BOTH!!

I've been incorporating sweet treats/desserts into my diet as daily tea time recently (so I dont binge on it later) and I feel like it's so little 😭 so I make sure to serve it on small plates, block off any distractions to enjoy it and really take my time to savor it. It's been helpful to my mental health as well, and I get a bit of happiness while staying in my deficit. Win win win.
 
@johnjs37 I have a low TDEE and I find it frustrating. Apparently you can raise your TDEE by increasing your lean body mass but I find that so daunting.
 
@mutambo it also doesn’t raise like THAT much like we’re talking a couple hundred calories

at no point will someone our size maintain eating like a 6’0 male who also has muscle btw

like unless someone really put on 30 lbs of pure mass which is unrealistic imo
 
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