Gym employee hit on me and asked for my number.. do I mention how uncomfortable that makes me to a different manager?

[quick2]

@markvs I would tell someone. Sure, he wasn't overtly creepy in his approach, but remember you initially thought he was coming over to scold you; the fact that he has the power to do that means there's an unequal power dynamic at play here, and it was inappropriate of him to hit on you out of nowhere like that. Like others said, it would be one thing if you two built a connection over time and ended up dating, but you didn't know each other at all prior to this conversation. I wouldn't feel safe going to a gym or fitness studio where the staff hits on members like that.

 

[chandrika]

@markvs

How do I convey I don’t want to meet in the nicest way possible

how do I let him down gently?

Why are you concerned with being nice to this guy? Ask yourself that. Really think deeply about it. You don't have to tell me the answer, but you owe it to yourself to figure it out. Why are you choosing to make yourself uncomfortable to baby some stranger's feelings?

Do you think you owe him something? Ask yourself that. He gave you his number, not the other way around, so why not just toss the number and ignore it? Why did you feel compelled to text him? And most importantly, what is the worst (but also most realistic) thing that could happen if you just simply blocked his number?

Please note I'm not intending to berate you for doing these things. I've been there too, there's no shame. It's how we're socialized and raised, and it's really difficult to act otherwise. I just want to challenge you to break out of it and take ownership and agency over who you interact with, because it's your choice. When you ask yourself the questions I've put in this comment you'll hopefully see that you don't owe this guy or any other guy who approaches you anything. You deserve to choose who you interact with, and you don't have to let this guy bulldoze you into interacting with him.

 

[dawn16]

@markvs You are under NO obligation to coddle his feelings by “letting him down gently.”

He didn’t take into consideration how HIS actions would make you feel, so why are you spending valuable emotional labor trying to do so for him?

 

[honey123]

@dawn16 Total agreement with you. However, I believe the underlying sentiment the OP had in mind was "Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them." Men who don't understand boundaries are also likely not to understand how to react to rejection.

 

[dijal]

@honey123 I think it's more about being pushed out of public spaces because it's the only way to stop a guy hitting on you. I don't think it has to be dangerous to be troubling. The number of times I've had to get off a bus or change where I get coffee etc because a guy just didn't get it.... annoying AF and not going to happen again. Next time I'm going to make a big scene until I embarrass the guy into leaving lol.

 

[dawn16]

@honey123 True. That's why it's so important that OP lets gym management know what their employee has been doing, so they can either be prepared to step in if he reacts poorly, not leave him working in the gym alone, or fire him so he doesn't have the chance to lash out when told "no".

 

[dawnya]

@dawn16 YES! This nails it.

 

[mamazluv]

@markvs I am an employer in the industry and I would want to know.

However from the perspective of a single male trainer- we’re in the gym 24/7. We’re looking for a romantic interest who’s into the same things we are. The gym is the perfect place to meet someone. It’s bound to happen eventually. The issue to me isn’t that he asked you out, it’s that he interrupted your workout and asked you out within 5 minutes of your first interaction. I’d be more understanding if you guys talked every time you came in for a few months before he took his chance

Best case scenario; he lacks situational awareness and thinks he’s really into you. This is a one-off situation where he had a lapse in judgement because he was thinking with his heart.

Worst case scenario; he’s using the gym to find dates. This happens a lot because he’s really into himself and he’s thinking with his dick.

If he’s not being particularly creepy and you don’t want to get him in trouble, leave his name out of it. I’d definitely go to the manager though.

Edit: idk why I was downvoted, I literally said she should tell management lol

 

[bevinluvwithjesus]

@mamazluv When you are at work there is a certain code of professional ethics that should be followed and it is most certainly not professional to approach a customer, corner them, ask them personal questions and then ask for personal details.

 

[mamazluv]

@bevinluvwithjesus Yes I agree lol

 

[mitchie225]

@mamazluv No. Nope. Naw. If you happen to develop a friendship with a customer OVER TIME and through appropriate interaction, that's one thing. But essentially cold calling prospective dates on the clock is making female clients uncomfortable and not something your manager is paying you for.

 

[seekr]

@mamazluv This is why women advocate for women's only gyms. No one wants this.

 

[mamazluv]

@seekr I can assure you, a lot of women want to meet a partner at the gym. And I see it happen over and over.

 

[mamazluv]

@seekr I’ve trained thousands of women and currently train over 100. I’d be willing to bet that every single girl I know would rather meet a guy at a gym than in a bar. My personal experience are not an exception to- they are the norm. I literally see it happen everyday.

 

[seekr]

@mamazluv Again, read the room. The vast majority of commenters here do not want that. Instead of trying to hard to change their mind, maybe you should listen to them instead. You must be a male because it's like you're refusing to listen to other female perspectives here, and trying to mansplain using personal anecdotes.

If you find yourself getting downvoted, instead of getting defensive, maybe try reflecting on why.

 

[afmtv]

@seekr This is why women advocate for many women only spaces.

Men exclude women from certain spaces and forums because they deem them not good enough to be there and want to gate-keep them, and then be predatory to them elsewhere.
Women want to exclude men for their fucking safety.

 

[rigley]

@mamazluv This perspective is insanely unprofessional. No one in any kind of customer service role should hit on their clients or customers, ever.

 

[brandymarie]

@mamazluv Staff should never hit on customers ever.

 

[chandrika]

@mamazluv

The gym is the perfect place to meet someone

Fucking gross, man. This kind of garbage turns women off from going. Considering that gyms are a male dominated space, you're basically telling the women here that they're going to be a target for the employees. Get some integrity if that's how you look at your clients.

 

[mamazluv]

@chandrika Lol I currently train over 100 women and have trained literally thousands in my career. I can tell you with 100% certainty that the vast majority of the women that I train would not only be okay meeting someone in the gym but would want to meet someone in the gym.